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New special interest causing relationship tension

Lydia

I am a recently diagnosed autistic woman. I am in a loving communicative relationship and live with my partner who is also a woman.

I have recently re-discovered my special interest, which is one which I have always had but have squashed down inside me due to shame and societal pressure. It has been a very exciting journey learning all about this special interest again, starting collecting things and absorbing myself in it.

Unfortunately this has lead to me not feeling/being present in 'real life' much. I find the special interest takes over my brain, I think about it all the time and want to research it all the time and my partner feels I am not present in the relationship and that I am not giving the relationship the attention it needs. This makes me very sad as I love my partner so much but I am also so excited about the special interest. She feels jealous and guilty for feeing bad as she knows I love her and knows I am autistic. We have talked a lot about this and I agree that it is becoming a problem and I feel as though I've 'checked out' from real life a bit and I cannot stop thinking about the special interest.

Is this happening because the special interest is 'new'? Has anyone else had this experience? Has anything helped? I feel very alone as not many people understand it as I have only one autistic friend.

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  • I love posts like this because I have experienced much the same as you by the sounds of it so it's reassuring to know it's not just me. 

    As others have already said so well - I find structure is key for this. Allocating myself and letting my wife know about this set time for me to do my thing and have my fix of it. I tend to find then afterwards I find it much easier to not constantly bang on about it. 

    I've also found it really useful to communicate when I am feeling flooded by certain thoughts. I.e "I can't stop thinking about tattoo designs" which lets my wife know what is going on in my head and I am struggling with it. 

    I hope you can work through this. It's one of those ongoing issues for me that will forever need a bit of management! 

  • in reply to ProbablyTheWay

    Hi there, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is so lovely to know I am not alone, as you say. 

    The tips that you've given, and those others have too, are really useful and I will definitely implement them. I agree that it seems like it will always need management to some degree, and that's OK!

    Thanks again for your reply. Have a lovely day.

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  • in reply to ProbablyTheWay

    Hi there, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is so lovely to know I am not alone, as you say. 

    The tips that you've given, and those others have too, are really useful and I will definitely implement them. I agree that it seems like it will always need management to some degree, and that's OK!

    Thanks again for your reply. Have a lovely day.

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