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New special interest causing relationship tension

Lydia

I am a recently diagnosed autistic woman. I am in a loving communicative relationship and live with my partner who is also a woman.

I have recently re-discovered my special interest, which is one which I have always had but have squashed down inside me due to shame and societal pressure. It has been a very exciting journey learning all about this special interest again, starting collecting things and absorbing myself in it.

Unfortunately this has lead to me not feeling/being present in 'real life' much. I find the special interest takes over my brain, I think about it all the time and want to research it all the time and my partner feels I am not present in the relationship and that I am not giving the relationship the attention it needs. This makes me very sad as I love my partner so much but I am also so excited about the special interest. She feels jealous and guilty for feeing bad as she knows I love her and knows I am autistic. We have talked a lot about this and I agree that it is becoming a problem and I feel as though I've 'checked out' from real life a bit and I cannot stop thinking about the special interest.

Is this happening because the special interest is 'new'? Has anyone else had this experience? Has anything helped? I feel very alone as not many people understand it as I have only one autistic friend.

Parents

  • I love posts like this because I have experienced much the same as you by the sounds of it so it's reassuring to know it's not just me. 

    As others have already said so well - I find structure is key for this. Allocating myself and letting my wife know about this set time for me to do my thing and have my fix of it. I tend to find then afterwards I find it much easier to not constantly bang on about it. 

    I've also found it really useful to communicate when I am feeling flooded by certain thoughts. I.e "I can't stop thinking about tattoo designs" which lets my wife know what is going on in my head and I am struggling with it. 

    I hope you can work through this. It's one of those ongoing issues for me that will forever need a bit of management! 

Reply

  • I love posts like this because I have experienced much the same as you by the sounds of it so it's reassuring to know it's not just me. 

    As others have already said so well - I find structure is key for this. Allocating myself and letting my wife know about this set time for me to do my thing and have my fix of it. I tend to find then afterwards I find it much easier to not constantly bang on about it. 

    I've also found it really useful to communicate when I am feeling flooded by certain thoughts. I.e "I can't stop thinking about tattoo designs" which lets my wife know what is going on in my head and I am struggling with it. 

    I hope you can work through this. It's one of those ongoing issues for me that will forever need a bit of management! 

Children
  • in reply to ProbablyTheWay

    Hi there, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is so lovely to know I am not alone, as you say. 

    The tips that you've given, and those others have too, are really useful and I will definitely implement them. I agree that it seems like it will always need management to some degree, and that's OK!

    Thanks again for your reply. Have a lovely day.

  • in reply to ProbablyTheWay

    Yes - I think you are right on all fronts.  The unpredictability of when "it" will strike and how well I can manage "it" when it happens only compounds the frustration of my unpredictability to those who must live with me!  I'm glad I'm not them.......I have said on many occasion that I'm probably not worth the bloody agg!