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Possible Autism/ADHD

M11

Just looking for some advice on wether it’s possible I could have Autism/ADHD that I have masked my whole life through to adulthood that is possibly been masked through above average IQ 125+

 This is not me stating I’m smarter than anyone else I’ve achieved almost nothing in my life until the past year. High school dropout, 1st girlfriend (27 years old)… entry level job 13 years until recently I’ve had a new boss who really understands me and has built me up and I could be possibly getting my 3rd promotion in 1 year (fast tracked it seems). I’ve finally moved out for the first time 30+ years. With all this happening at once I’ve been questioning why? And been really looking into self discovery the past 6 months+ I first thought it could be ADHD now I’m thinking a possible combination ??? 

*Since moving from my childhood home 3years ago/ then moving out 7 months ago I haven’t signed up to a new doctors. I went a few months ago during time off and couldn’t find my passport so just haven’t gotten around to it. My partner pushes me to get signed up but to me it’s never been that big of a deal.

*I now commute 1hour train journey to work if the train is too full and I have people sitting opposite me I never know where to look and start to get overwhelmed I try and hone in on looking at my phone the whole journey. Also on a train journey recently my headphones died and a gentleman a few rows back had a YouTube video playing out loud the whole way. I could just not concentrate and the frustration I had with that gentleman not being quiet, my partner stated that’s not something I should be getting so frustrated over.

*I occasionally go on a night out with employees one stated to me “we think you’re the best manager, you just tell us what to do and are just so awkward when trying to make small talk when first meeting it’s nice” I’ve never thought I was awkward until I heard that comment.

*after reading and re-reading all the traits I don’t fit the bill I’m not making eye contact. I’m known to just stare at people without looking away I’ve been making a real conscious effort recently in 1 on 1 conversations to look away at some point but I really need to think about doing it.

*my partner has always had an issue with my lack of PDA and how I don’t comfort her like other peoples partners do I’ve now come to realise this could be a symptom.

*Sensitivity if my partner light touches me in areas like the side of my body etc I have to shove her hand off it just doesn’t feel nice I think it comes off as a bit blunt to her and for instance if she makes the dog voice to her dogs “high pitched” it makes me cover my ears sometime along with if we’re in an argument and I feel like I can’t get my point across or I’ve already explained my point but to her I haven’t and she keeps prodding and prodding I get so frustrated I cover my ears to revive a “why are you covering your ears” response I’ve only had 2 major anger (frustration) outbursts and it’s been in the past 7 months since we’ve moved out and I always feel so guilty afterwards but never know how to apologise so she normally comes to break the I’ve first which she also mentions which I also feel bad about but I can’t bring myself to do it.

there’s a lot more points I could make but they all seem to overlap/contradict each other when I do my research so I just don’t know if I should be going for an assessment and what for if I do? It’s all so confusing but it’s nice to get it off my chest thank you for anyone that’s had time to read.

  • in reply to M11

    I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive boss and have been able to reach out to him, it can be a difficult thing to do. Your manager also sounds like a very understanding person, whether or not he thinks you're autistic- he clearly wants to help you to succeed. 

    I think the IQ thing is something that the media has pushed and has become an almost stereotype. Autistic people are as diverse in intellect as non-autistic people are. I recently found out that my cousin who is in their 40s has recently been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, he has been very successful in his career but has struggled in other areas and until recently hadn't thought he was autistic. 

    Im sorry that you feel you family wouldn't understand. Although maybe your brother would be a better bet or place to start? From the sounds of things he struggles with socialising and possibly anxiety?

    There are of course in person support groups for when you feel able to go, a lot accept people who don't have a diagnosis. Have you thought about reaching out to your gp about this? I'm currently working up the courage to approach the subject with my doctor so i know it can be daunting.  

  • in reply to Yup, definitely Autistic!

    Woke up at 04:50am it’s now 05:35am I can’t get back to sleep my mind is buzzing after reading all your lovely reply’s (I can hear the clock ticking as loud as I ever have before I.e staying at my parents house over the weekend)

    I feel relieved to finally get all of this off my chest that has built up over the years, I just wish I had the confidence to say some of this in person to my partner, family or boss. I just don’t think it would be acknowledged well as I’m still doubtful after all this research. I think they would probably just think I’m crazy.

  • in reply to M11

    Hi MD1, I don't think the careful pre-interview measures are coincidental. I think that your boss wishes you to do well and realises that a few adjustments are needed to help you demonstrate your abilities at the interview stage. Your boss sounds as though they have a good awareness of the needs of ND individuals. 

  • I tried to approach my family few times, and it follows the same scenario everytime pretty much:

    I say my part, they appeared to listen, they don't comment, or ask questions, so I finish my part and I hope it made them think, but nothing more wrong, they go back to the regular way they talk to me and treat me, with those bits that I find ''upsetting'', next time I try to talk, and probe, I find out they do not remember previous conversation

    I sort off ignore them now, especially mom

    It was easier with my 3 friends, 2 of them ableists to the bone, eventually they acknowledged, and now I can say ''us''vs ''you'' without making them go 'shitzu-mode''

    Toclarify:

    IQ is irrelevant, there are both allistic and autistic with low and high IQ, though high IQ usually allows to avoid detection for longer, until first burnout usually.

    there is no severe, high or low functioning autism, each of us can be either depending on circumstances

    Just autistic

    or 

    simply autistic

  • in reply to Jay123

    I’ve done a few tests on the embrace autism website today but I definitely need to try the masking one.

    I’ve researched ADHD for 6 months or so but I’ve been a bit naive and never thought it was possible to have autism as I function well enough until I started researching the past month and a lot matches up I also have a brother who is 34 and never leaves the house apart from work and has probably had 3 social occasions in the past 10 years which has got me wondering. 

    the only person I’ve reached out once to my boss who gave me the websites to research months ago as they’re very much a high IQ person and good with people development so I built up courage over time to tell them

    My boss who has built me up I assume they could be on the spectrum ADHD very high IQ I had a chat with them to express what I was feeling and they told me what websites to research. I applied for a promotion at another site recently but backed out before the interview stage maybe because I was scared??? I’ve passed every test for jobs I’ve applied (considering I’ve only got all C GCSE’s) for banking, graduate jobs only to fail at the final hurdle 1 on 1 interviews I’ve never passed one.

    I’ve had 2 promotions with my current manager at the same site which I didn’t get interviewed for. Anyway I’ve got an interview this week for a new site but they set up a zoom call with me to get to know 1 boss before hand and they sent me in the next week for a 1 hour site tour with the site manager and they also emailed me all the prep questions so I know what to expect. Upon researching about interview support for neurodiversity all these options came up
    •meeting people first so it’s not new people
    •getting to see the site first so it’s not a new place
    •allowing questions in advance so they know what to expect

    so now I’m wondering wether my boss has any idea or it’s just a coincidence? Sorry about information overload but I’ve never got any of this off my chest as I don’t know who to talk to as my partner or family would never think there’s a chance of me being autistic they have no idea about it.

    but apart from that I just don’t think my family would get it they’re very old fashioned and rarely use the internet .

  • Hi,

    I'm going through the same thing at the moment too. 

    I know that a few people have mentioned the Embrace Autism online tests so ill just say that i found them really helpful. They have a couple of different ones, the masking one was very good, it helps you to realise how you may have been hiding your autistic traits for years to cope in a world where they are not always accepted. 

    Have you reached out to any family or freinds about this? I found talking to my family really helpful, a few of them made the connection of autism before i did. 

    Good Luck, hope you find some answers.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thank you for your reply I’ll definitely look into those websites.

    I know it’s not a general term anymore as it’s all autism but I scored highest on the aspie test and then RAAD but I was only borderline on the AQ test.

  • Hi

    Here is another copied from autcollab.org :

    A test for identifying Autistic ways of being by Autists for Autists

    Instead of a diagnosis, the following test tends to deliver very reliable results.  It does not cost any money, it only takes some time.  For anyone who relates to the communal description of Autistic ways of being below, this investment of time may be the most valuable investment imaginable:

    If you are wondering whether you are Autistic, spend time amongst Autistic people, online and offline.  If you notice you relate to these people much better than to others, if they make you feel safe, and if they understand you, you have arrived.

  • in reply to Meeples

    I haven’t heard of it but I’ll definitely get onto researching it thank you! 

    side note: through looking into my own journey my brother could also possibly fit the mold he’s in his middle 30’s extremely introverted doesn’t leave the house apart from work, he’s only been out on 3 social occasions in the past 10 years. Was told he had dyslexia and really struggled in school but was the brightest in our family at math.

    we don’t really speak much even after 30 years of living together before I moved out this year. I  wonder how I could get him to start researching to improve his quality of life (addictive personality but doesn’t socialise with anyone at all) 

  • in reply to M11

    Have you tried the Embrace Autism website? They have a range of online tests available for ASD and ADHD. 

  • in reply to moon

    Hi yes I got 26-50 which is quite low but I find the questionnaire very confusing for me as ie. “I find social situations easy?”

    im okay in social situations like pubs but put me in a busy childrens arcade and it’s unbearable. I’m okay with a house party but I went on a stag do abroad barely knowing 2 out of 30 and I stayed in my room the whole time I went out each night and lasted an hour before being overwhelmed. So I answered I slightly agree to that question anyway 

    “do you enjoy social chit chat?” I probably talk to my partner and direct reports at work week in week out. I answered slightly agree? Is that right 

    I will also answer mainly slightly agree or slightly disagree to all questions bar the odd one as I’m never certain as so many questions seem contradictory and I over think them Grimacing

  • in reply to M11

    Have you tried taking some of the online autism tests like AQ50?

    psychology-tools.com/.../autism-spectrum-quotient

  • Also before everything started getting better in my life I had a meltdown I had hit rock bottom I walked out the job I was in as I just burst out crying (last time I cried was 11years prior at my grand mothers funeral)I thought at the time it was an anxiety attack (possibly could of been) the doctor gave me anti depressants that didn’t do anything i couldn’t even walk in a supermarket because I was that on edge. It took me roughly 10 days to recover from it and I’ve never needed anti depressants since.