Newly Diagnosed - Is My Life A Lie?

Hello, everyone, 

My name is Colin and I've just been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). 

Firstly, I would like to give warm thanks to fellow forum member Jamie for advising me on the assessment and helping me

to get the ball rolling.

I was assessed by Sara Heath of Shropshire Autonomy and then diagnosed by Dr Pravin Thevathasan. I live in Oxford, but,

for understandable reasons, the local mental health services have been either unable or unwilling to provide me with the 

correct support for mental health problems going back to very early childhood.

So, what do I do with this information? These two professionals having given me a great amount of detail in terms of my

diagnosis and the reasons for it. But I feel shell-shocked and the realisation is hitting me that several years of my life have 

been wasted trying to fit into a uniform that will never fit me. 

I should be relieved that I am as close to my personal truth as I will ever get, but it feels like a type of bereavement. A therapist

once told me that most of us have a "shadow" self: a projection of our dark impulses, our need to avenge life's wrongs and a

need to seek personal justice. I think he sensed something about me that was more than just depression and anxiety. 

Is there anywhere I can turn to to get advice on how to rebuild my life and personality in a way that will finally make sense? I 

now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

Thanks for any advice,

Colin

Parents
  • Thanks for all your words of support, everyone.

    At the moment, I'm in a full-time job with people who seem to understand me and support me when I get stressed out. But I have very little social life - I've never had a relationship and wouldn't know what to do if anyone did show interest. All I seem to do is work, eat and sleep.

    I'm just angry and bitter about all the life opportunities I've missed out on due to social anxiety and psychological impairment. I feel like I've played by the rules of the game, only to find that the other guy has cheated all along.

    Anyway, enough of my ranting! 

    Thanks for all your advice and support.

    Colin

  • It's a mistake to expect we can have social life like allistic, and it will lead to anger and resentment, but we grow up building that belief instilled in us by our allistic parents and society

    I realised after the only relationship I had has ended that I actually like being alone at home, it makes it easier to relax, because you can unmask, and do stims unrestrained

    if you want top watch something that may cheer you up https://www.youtube.com/c/orionkelly/videos does hillarious rants

  • Here is an article about "allistic" people (this is a completely new term for me).

    https://www.alexlowery.co.uk/12-things-to-know-about-nts-non-autistic-people/

    I've seen some of Orion Kelly's Youtube videos and he's absolutely brilliant! I would also recommend watching Autism's Individual Youtube videos - she takes a straight-forward, yet highly intelligent approach. 

    I've been reading and watching accounts of some ASD individuals and many of them are really heart-breaking - and yes, we are capable of empathy. 

    I don't want to end my life being bitter and anti-social, but I also realize that the world is as it is and it's not going to change anytime soon - I'd rather change my own world than rely on others.

    Once again everyone, thanks for all your kindness and generosity,

    Colin

Reply
  • Here is an article about "allistic" people (this is a completely new term for me).

    https://www.alexlowery.co.uk/12-things-to-know-about-nts-non-autistic-people/

    I've seen some of Orion Kelly's Youtube videos and he's absolutely brilliant! I would also recommend watching Autism's Individual Youtube videos - she takes a straight-forward, yet highly intelligent approach. 

    I've been reading and watching accounts of some ASD individuals and many of them are really heart-breaking - and yes, we are capable of empathy. 

    I don't want to end my life being bitter and anti-social, but I also realize that the world is as it is and it's not going to change anytime soon - I'd rather change my own world than rely on others.

    Once again everyone, thanks for all your kindness and generosity,

    Colin

Children
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