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Newly Diagnosed - Is My Life A Lie?

Colin

Hello, everyone, 

My name is Colin and I've just been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). 

Firstly, I would like to give warm thanks to fellow forum member Jamie for advising me on the assessment and helping me

to get the ball rolling.

I was assessed by Sara Heath of Shropshire Autonomy and then diagnosed by Dr Pravin Thevathasan. I live in Oxford, but,

for understandable reasons, the local mental health services have been either unable or unwilling to provide me with the 

correct support for mental health problems going back to very early childhood.

So, what do I do with this information? These two professionals having given me a great amount of detail in terms of my

diagnosis and the reasons for it. But I feel shell-shocked and the realisation is hitting me that several years of my life have 

been wasted trying to fit into a uniform that will never fit me. 

I should be relieved that I am as close to my personal truth as I will ever get, but it feels like a type of bereavement. A therapist

once told me that most of us have a "shadow" self: a projection of our dark impulses, our need to avenge life's wrongs and a

need to seek personal justice. I think he sensed something about me that was more than just depression and anxiety. 

Is there anywhere I can turn to to get advice on how to rebuild my life and personality in a way that will finally make sense? I 

now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

Thanks for any advice,

Colin

Parents

  • Thanks for all your words of support, everyone.

    At the moment, I'm in a full-time job with people who seem to understand me and support me when I get stressed out. But I have very little social life - I've never had a relationship and wouldn't know what to do if anyone did show interest. All I seem to do is work, eat and sleep.

    I'm just angry and bitter about all the life opportunities I've missed out on due to social anxiety and psychological impairment. I feel like I've played by the rules of the game, only to find that the other guy has cheated all along.

    Anyway, enough of my ranting! 

    Thanks for all your advice and support.

    Colin

Reply

  • Thanks for all your words of support, everyone.

    At the moment, I'm in a full-time job with people who seem to understand me and support me when I get stressed out. But I have very little social life - I've never had a relationship and wouldn't know what to do if anyone did show interest. All I seem to do is work, eat and sleep.

    I'm just angry and bitter about all the life opportunities I've missed out on due to social anxiety and psychological impairment. I feel like I've played by the rules of the game, only to find that the other guy has cheated all along.

    Anyway, enough of my ranting! 

    Thanks for all your advice and support.

    Colin

Children
  • in reply to Colin

    Eighteen months after my diagnosis, I still feel somewhat angry and bitter!  I think you need to give yourself time just to feel what you're feeling, corny though that sounds.  I'm trying to get to a place where I can accept that I've done as well as I could with the hand of cards I was dealt and focus on improving things in the future rather than brooding on the past.  And things can change for the better: I am now married, which I wasn't when I was diagnosed.  My work situation is not good, but I'm working on ways to improve it.

  • in reply to Colin

    It's a mistake to expect we can have social life like allistic, and it will lead to anger and resentment, but we grow up building that belief instilled in us by our allistic parents and society

    I realised after the only relationship I had has ended that I actually like being alone at home, it makes it easier to relax, because you can unmask, and do stims unrestrained

    if you want top watch something that may cheer you up https://www.youtube.com/c/orionkelly/videos does hillarious rants

  • in reply to Colin

    If you consider things after the shock of being diagnosed has warn off a few consolations may be available. You can look back on past missed opportunities and failures and forgive yourself, because as an autistic person, you have daily problems that just do not exist in any way for the majority of the population. You may also realise that as an autistic person you are remarkably successful at living in a society that is not designed for you, and is often outright inimical.