ASD is a fact that explains things about me, not an excuse that forgives the chaos that can emanate from me.

You don't need more examples - you have nailed the solutions perfectly.  Thank you.  Obviously, I know these things already in my logical brain......but passing over the control and surrendering some of my autonomy is very counter to my emotional instincts.  I will continue to try and resolve this dichotomy for everyones sake.

Thanks for taking the time Peter.

“Breaching” social norms is not offensive, it is actually the opposite. All the soldiers who died in World War 2, what were they fighting for and trying to protect? They died fighting for “freedom of choice”, stripping people of their human rights like autonomy and freedom of choice through social oppression is very disrespectful and dishonouring to those people who sacrificed their lives for us.

Gay people are only entitled to marriage because they fought against the social norm, feminists are fighting against the social norm because of gender inequality as a result of social norms, neurodiversity advocates are still fighting for equality in human rights, black people are doing Black Lives Matter as a result of social norms, they were slaves and had no freedom, in the learning disabled they are hindered of human rights because they do not learn in the same way as the social norm, I could go on.

Notice that all the loss of civil rights is the result of social norms, the roots of the problem is the concept of normality when there is no such thing as a normal human. Social norms dehumanising everyone who stands out needs to be challenged and evaluated, we need a paradigm shift out of the concept of normality. Normality naturally marginalises groups of people because diversity in part of humanity, normality and diversity are oppositional, so there’s always going to be people socially oppressed as long as the dogmatic assumption that social norms are inherently good remains unchallenged.

All assumptions must be challenged, as soon as assumptions become public doctrine, we are at risk of permanent dogma.

For the record, a social norm is not determined by laws, rules and regulations, that’s why social norms have a negative impact, social norms directly prevent peace and cause conflict by casting minorities who just can’t fit the social norm out of society to be discriminated. Look at how many people are socially isolated because they don’t fit the social norm, social norms divide, not unify, unity and diversity are not oppositional.

We have responsibility for the things that are under our control, but not for those things that are not. If I unexpectedly touched nylon fabric with my fingertips, nylon is a major sensory trigger for me, and I react by rocking, with my arms clasped around me, while squatting on the floor and moaning, I am not responsible for any distress an onlooker might experience.

Then what you need is to either a) find a coping strategy to help you do these nessicery things b) find a way to make them no longer nessicery or c) find a way to deligate these tasks to someone better suited to them. 

but that doesn’t mean you can’t legitimately claim autism as an excuse for finding these tasks difficult. It might be a good argument for why you need extra help with these tasks you avoid.

it’s difficult to say more without concreat examples

Unknown said:

I have a responsibility not to cause unnecessary pain and anguish to others - but I do.  I never mean to.

I honestly think this is a fact of life.  We ALL cause pain or suffering, in one way or another, and we are ALL on the receiving end at times, inevitably and this will happen irrespective of neurology.  Yes, I may well have caused pain due to what might be described as my "ASD traits" but then again much of this could also be attributed to the general lack of understanding and acceptance I've received out there in the world.  And others have certainly caused me pain by remaining quite fixedly and unconsciously neurotypical plus, given that they're in the majority, I may well be left feeling more hurt and more marginalised as a result.  

I do agree that we have a responsibility to try to avoid inflicting unnecessary pain, but life is messy and the consequences of any actions can have long and unforseen consequences of which we might never be aware.  Can we ever draw a line?  We'd have to have a proper map of the terrain first and that, of course, can look very different from each person's perspective.  Moreover we'd have to drill down in to specific examples.  

Maybe, knowing that just living can cause pain to ourselves and others, we can just seek to cause the least harm possible?  

Yes.  I've never let anyone die in a burning house, but I do seriously neglect things that are necessary in favour of things that are not (other than in my own head.). This causes pain and anguish.

But with the exception of truly life an death situations like a burning house is that really a big issue? If you’re not giving people the attention they think they deserve now surely you can make up for it by giving them more later. How common are ‘house burning down’ situations really.

there's a bit of hyperboley going on here surely.

Ah yes - obtuse and mysterious - I get that a lot !

By means of elaboration......I can readily descend into prolonged and all-consuming bouts of obsessional investigation, research and analysis.  If the house is on fire - let it burn - NOTHING is more important than that thing at that time.  Pretty unfortunate for the people in that house !  That is the type of harm I mean.

Unknown said:

I'm not trying to talk about whether I make people feel uncomfortable here, I'm taking about when my behaviours and thoughts cause actual practical difficulties for me - and therefore, also for those around me.

Your references to harm are rather obtuse and mysterious. In my experience most 'harm' people experience as a result of autism amounts to offence or discomfort. I.E. and autistic person said or did something that they found offensive, or creepy or rude etc. If you're talking about something else it'd be helpfull if you elaborate.

Both the solider and snipper have a necessity to kill each other - so forgive me, but I don't fully grasp your point there.

I'm not trying to talk about whether I make people feel uncomfortable here, I'm taking about when my behaviours and thoughts cause actual practical difficulties for me - and therefore, also for those around me.

To put it another way - how much of the harm should be ascribed to my ASD hard wiring, and how much of it is just because I'm an objectionable, dismissive, cantankerous old git.  Surely, there is a component of both in us all and so I'm trying to get a handle on which is which with the aim to be better.

I'm quite surprised at just how much "Well, I'm ASD - so everyone else has to suck it up" rather than "I'm ASD and I want to be a better ASD human - can you help me figure this out."

Unknown said:

Have you ever tried not paying a parking ticket for instance?!

I've contested 2. 1 successfully the other ongoing. Of course you don't just 'ignore' the ticket you write an argument gather evidence and file a protest. In both cases I argue that the ticket was given to me in error. That a computer or person made a mistake. That I could prove I'd paid for a ticket to park.

Unknown said:

Social cohesion is important when there are so many humans around these days

Group think is highly harmful though. All kinds of harmful error occur because invalid assumptions aren't questioned.

Daniel said:

autism is actually a condition of authenticity

That's a really interesting concept / theory.  I can see the logic of it and I definitely possess a pervasive demand for autonomy in my life.  I have curiously crafted my life to enable that autonomy and seem able (generally) to avoid the "offence" that is created by breaching "social norms"....but my behaviours do generate actual harm and anguish in the real-world - and that in turn causes actual harm to those around me too.  Have you ever tried not paying a parking ticket for instance?!

Just to be clear - I am not, nor have ever been, a physically violent individual - that is not the type of harm I mean.

Social cohesion is important when there are so many humans around these days so I don't think it would be wise to burn the idea of "social norms" just because they are often ridiculous?  Some rules and expectations (AKA laws and social norms) are needed to maintain peace, surely?

Unknown said:

I am who I am.  I have a responsibility not to cause unnecessary pain and anguish to others - but I do.  I never mean to.

What is necessary? The distinction between want and need is perspective. The solder crawling through a war zone bullets whistling over head thinks 'I need to get home to my wife and child, I need to get through this alive.' For the sniper who's about to shoot him these are wants not needs. The sniper thinks to himself, 'I need to protect my county, my family back at home. I need to do my duty.'

Do you have a need to be yourself, to be true to yourself? What if being yourself makes others uncomfortable. How does your need to be yourself balance against their need to be comfortable? What if trying not to be yourself makes you clinically depressed and doesn't work that well anyway? I'd say the need to be yourself and accepted for yourself outweighs others needs to be comfortable.

My theory is that autism is actually a condition of authenticity that underlies what have been assumed to be symptoms of autism, I see autistic people as people with a sense of positive liberty instead of negative liberty. You are not offending them, they’re choosing to interpret it as offensive (besides physical offences). What we get upset about are the things we teach ourselves to get upset about, we can always reverse it teaching ourselves not to get upset about it.

Let’s think of social norms for a moment, social norms are actually inherently bad and are just an excuse. Not long ago slavery was part of the social norm, seeing men as greater than women and welcome to more rights was part of the social norm, LGBTQ+ defined as pathological disorders less than a century ago etc… Social norms by their nature are discriminatory and violation of human rights, as we look through history we see the trouble has always been caused by “normal people”.