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Suicidal thoughts

Pigtail

I noticed this morning when I was doing my work I had suicidal thoughts, no active plans just general suicide thoughts about my life and how worthless I am. I'm a burden to my family, I've no real friends as such and when I had the chance to be a mum I ruined everything and it cost me so much.

Do these thoughts mean anything do you think? Or do you think they are just a moment of negativity creeping in? I have to get back to my work now. I'm hoping busying myself will clear the thoughts as right now they are still here gnawing away at me.

If you feel comfortable saying about it I'd like to hear what you think is behind it.

  • in reply to Pigtail

    Your GP doesn't need to understand your autism to help you get referred to a CPN or psychiatrist, so don't rule it out, or if you can ask for a different GP if they have one and try with them.

    You could also think about autistic peer support/mentor, if that's more appropriate. 

  • Thanks for your replies I do appreciate you taking out the time to reply to me. Thank you. X

    I won't go to the GP as I don't like them very much because they don't really understand autism, mine don't anyway they always completely ignore it and how it affects me. But I have been thinking about getting help from a therapist. I'm saving up to move out on my own but I could look into therapy first, I think it might be a good support for me.

    My thoughts are better now. I'm just tired.

    Thank you again x

  • I think even tho your thoughts seem ok they probably aren't.

    Small thoughts can lead to big things. You shouldn't be going thru it alone. Talking helps and you won't be a burden if you talk. You deserve to be happy and not have horrible thoughts.

    Please reach out to ur doctor or call someone who you can talk to about it.

    My mum's got cancer and I've been talking to Childline and Samaritans. Just having someone to turn to takes away that lonely feeling and I always feel better after.

  • Our thoughts don't come from one place in our mind, they come from different patterns of thinking we have stored away from different periods in our life.  You can witness this if you want to do something but have thoughts of doubt, and suicidal thoughts are the same really, if its just thoughts and ideas but not real action.  Its different characters in our minds really, and if we let them play then they will, and autistic people can struggle to manage thoughts and feelings so more likely to happen.

    Its best to let the thoughts go, witness them, and choose not to agree with them - just ignoring them won't help much, you need to decide that part of you isn't helpful and focus on the parts that are.  Keeping busy can help, but thinking more healthily will help more, do both, and both at the same time if possible.  Plenty of autistic people talk about these things, and many without autism, its a human thing so try and feel ok about it.

    Try not to catastrophise as that will feed anxiety and suicidal thinking, best to focus on the present - its about developing a healthy mindsight, and taking control of who you are and what you do and want to do,.

  • Suicidal thoughts aren't normal. I went for so long thinking they were fine because I didn't have any intention of doing anything but thought about if I just didn't exist anymore. 

    I'd implore you to speak to someone, GP or therapist. Don't underestimate the power of talking about things. I found private therapy absolutely game changing and worth the money to go private.