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Advice for potentially undiagnosed

NAS81509

Hi everyone, first post here. I am after advice and knowledge from people here. 

So as I have gotten older I'm feeling a bit different to people and finding life a bit tricky. This has lead me to ask questions about myself, my actions and how I am interacting with the world. After having a bit of a breakdown in regards to an attempted relationship I found myself in therapy. This has caused me to ask even more questions. Part of me feels like I'm actually learning about who I am. 

So the big question im asking myself is, do I possible have some mild ASD/ADHD. I don't want to try and seek out a diagnosis at this point as I'm unsure if it's something else that looks similar.

I feel like this could be a long post but I want to keep it short. So what sort of things should I look out for in my life? I have low confidence and self esteem, don't really enjoy making eye contact, I don't seem to have any sensory sensitivities except disliking a lot of foods (fussy eater),Im not very interested in small talk but will talk all day about my hobbies if someone will listen, I'm uncertain what counts as stimming however I like to beatbox to myself and shake my leg a lot. Becoming more emotional sensitive as I get older is something that's confused me a bit.

One very important thing to consider is a smoke cigarettes and weed every day. Obviously this is not Ideal, but I have a sort of routine where I like to sit in the garden at night and play my favourite phone game with a smoke. Super relaxing time for me.

When I view myself as a youngster I can see traits of ADHD but as I have gotten older things seem a bit different. I don't want to intrude here if I'm actually an NT but at this stage I think I need to figure it out as it could impact me more and more if it is the case. I haven't planned what to write so sorry if it's disorganized.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I look forward to hearing from you. 

  • If you can afford the time (financially & life goals wise) to take some time for yourself to reflect (upon yourself) - then do it.

    Its a super self indulgent thing to do.

    My journey revolved around all manner of potential traits, personality disorders, disregulations and soothing behaviours.

    LOTS of reading.  LOTS of youtube vids.  All super dangerous in isolation, but ultimately enlightening if you drown in the whole soup of it - you start seeing the flotsam and jetsam distinctions.  It takes time and volume.  It is quite scary and very lonely.

    Don't beat yourself up too much and don't try to get all revolutionary on yourself and your coping mechanisms too quickly.

    I repeatedly "very nearly" did radical things that every sane NT would deem wholly sensible, but that might have done me substantial harm.  I can only now see that "harm" pitfall with the benefit of hindsight (and more importantly, insight.).

    Tweak your behaviours and see how you feel - without radically changing - just pay careful attention to yourself as you tweak.

    Then push yourself a bit harder in various directions and see how that affects your core self.

    Personally, I then needed to allow myself to find my limits - sort of "how low can you go" sort of stuff.  Horrific, to be honest - but was the only way that I thought I could truly unmask my truth.  For me, despite loads of "near-fits" that never actually felt true to my inner self but that were the best "logical fit" under analysis.........when I was finally shown the light, there was an absolute clarity and revelation that I have never felt before.  I'd love for you to share that experience!  It was SOOOOOO fabulous to have clarity following such a long period of uncertainty and self doubt.  FYI - it hit me from left-field in the side of the head!  

    I wish you well.  Good luck, and stay sane.

  • in reply to NAS81509

    Hopefully the tests have put your mind at ease a little. Reading up on autism and ADHD (I have both as well) might help you understand yourself better in case you do have them. I think talking to your therapist is a good start. Together you can explore this and yourself. 

    It does sound like you may be on the spectrum so I think it could be a good idea to investigate it further if you want to.

  • I have done some of the tests, found some them a little tricky to answer with the choices provided, trying to remember being a child and such. I also did an ADHD test, scored pretty high on that so I'd imagine that's more what's going on? As for the ASD, I did the aspie test as well. That's where I would put myself, and apparently there's a good indication. But I'm on the milder side it would seem, also about what I was thinking. I am aware that these aren't the most reliable indicators, being very unsure of myself (who I am and what I'm feeling, or not)  made it harder to answer some bits. But I can discuss this with my therapist, which would have been today had I not muddled the time up. 

    Thanks for directing me to those tests. I would have not bothered and assumed they were totally pointless. 

  • My immediate advice would be to take online tests. The most well-used ones for ASD are: AQ10, AQ50 and RAAADS-R. If you score in the autistic range it may be worth following up.