Masking

I’ve suggested a few times that The Artists Way is a good read. It's a book that can help us identify safety issues, start learning about boundaries and protecting our authentic selves. 

The only way I've found to move more fluidly in life is through integrity or, an integration of my core values with my actions and psyche (hopefully my words then match, or at least I know what I meant, but I can get those muddled up.) This has taken time, education and solitude. But I think the key here was to first create sensory-safe surroundings while learning to assert/respect boundaries vs identifying abuse. 

I’ve spent a good deal of time also learning practical Rules of social exchange. Theatre classes, School of Life books, Caitlin Moran’s life advice or even Simon Griffin’s “Fvk-ing Good Manners” - they all have some merit - practical tips and bits of wisdom to operate in society. I’ve found that not everything applies. If it doesn’t, I just throw it out. From personality tests to most of pop psychology, a LOT of advice is created for NeuroTypical thinking / motives / psychology. 

But, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being responsible, affording dignity, assuming kindness and sometimes engaging in a bit of self-restraint. These aren’t really masking, just growing character, the art of being human:)

Hi, welcome to the club. I was diagnosed a few years ago and remember the feelings of trying to find my way after. Try to breathe and take it slow, don't try to work everything out all at once or you might find it harder. It's easy to over process at times like this.

You could look for some groups in your local area if you are comfortable going to them. Great job on finding an online group here, I think being a part of a community where everyone understands is essential which is why I've now done the same.

If you can try not to mask too much. It can cause a lot of problems including burnout, I've been there many times. Hang in there ok? Things will get better and I promise over time you'll start to make sense of everything 

yes- it's so hard to tell- I just went through the list of masking/ camouflaging behaviours in that paper and I found quite a few that I do but was not previously aware of. 

My pleasure. I think that my masking is now so ingrained that it is just part of me. I'm 'the man in the iron mask'!

Thank you so much! I will read this for sure. I think this will also be so helpful to help spot when I am masking. It becomes so engrained- I only recently realised I am autistic (and actually had official diagnosis this week) so I still find it hard to know when I am masking and what my unmasked self is like. 

This scientific paper on 'autistic camouflaging' might be useful for you. Link: journals.sagepub.com/.../13623613211026754

I found it very enlightening, personally. You can download a PDF from the site.

I had a whirlwind adventure, just to run an errand in the South of Ireland, and I was overloaded, coming back to the park-and-ride in Ballygawley, to the point where I near stalled the car heading out, and misjudging a junction. It was a miracle no car approached me there. 

Hi Abbie, congrats on your diagnosis. I found it a bit strange and overwhelming when I was diagnosed, I was still a teen at the time and one thing that helped me was to keep a journal and I wrote everything down and explored through what I had written. It helped me find triggers and then work a way around them. I hope this helps you. Best of luck for the future Abbie.

Hi Abbie, I’m in a similar position to you. Early stage diagnosis. Did you find help? X