Attention to thoughts

not just yours

and they are as long as they have to be

It's very difficult, I believe it's the cause of my procrastination. I do the conversations with people in my head thing too. Before I meet someone I'm basically rehearsing what I want to say to them and how I'm going to respond to what they say. After the conversation I can spend days, weeks, even months analysing the conversation to see what I could've/would've/should've said. During the conversation the internal monologue is usually focused on the social interaction itself (too much eye contact? too little? what's this person really thinking? etc) or whatever is happening around me (sounds/movements) will draw my attention and I will miss part of the conversation then have to try and figure out what the person is saying from the fragments I did get.

I agree that most people wouldn't give a compliment unless they meant it, and I do give people the benefit of the doubt these days, but in my case I was bullied/tormented/abused throughout my entire childhood, and they would lure me in by being nice, making me feel included, then switch to abusing me for their own entertainment. I took it all to heart because I'm overly empathetic/sensitive and they did it so often that my subconscious become conditioned to expect that behaviour from people by default. So now I have trust issues because of it. That's the theory I intend to present to the psychologist when my appointment finally comes through. I also find it worse if someone is being non-verbal, but smiling at me, more fuel for the monologue to work with there.

I haven't tried mindfulness yet, though people do keep reminding me of it, because I'm unable to do anything on a regular basis. I'm going to try it at some point. I think a lot when walking too, that seems to be the only time I can balance thinking with doing, the rest of the time it's one or the other.

Is it just me or are all my posts like little novels?

That must be difficult if your thoughts contradict what's going on all the time. I do too have the internal dialogue or monologue etc. Quite often when I've been in periods of talking therapy, between the sessions,  I'm having conversations with the therapist in my head about different thoughts as they happen. 

Cat Waiter said:

For example if someone compliments my appearance my brain will tell me they're being sarcastic or humoring me

I totally understand this. I can't often tell if someone is winding me up or being serious.  I think most people wouldn't give a compliment unless they meant it though...?

I do find mindfulness is helping but you have to do it regularly and it takes a few weeks for the cumulative effects to kick in. But I have found my mind is a bit more peaceful especially when I'm out on walks where I do a lot of thinking.

I can relate to this, one of the support groups I go to is a meet up at a coffee shop. I never even bother to start a conversation these days, because I know I won't be able to hear what the other person is saying to me due to all the background noise and other conversations going on causing my attention to switch rapidly from one sensory input to the next. I just stare at the floor or table and listen as best I can.

I experience this every single day; it affects my life in so many different ways:

Sometimes I spend several hours staring at the stuff in my kitchen cupboard, considering all the things I could possibly make, running through the steps needed to make each dish in order to determine which dish would be quickest to make, sometimes I can't decide at all and end up only eating a slice of bread or nothing at all instead of having a proper meal. This usually happens when I'm tired, and don't feel like spending a lot of time cooking.

When I'm in a conversation with someone and they say something nice to me, I experience a negative thought about what they just said. For example if someone compliments my appearance my brain will tell me they're being sarcastic or humoring me or that they're trying to set me up as the punchline of a joke. Which makes it difficult for me to trust anyone because these intrusive thoughts always end up putting fear, uncertainty and doubt in my mind about other people. I think this is why I procrastinate so much, if you can't decide, you can't act.

If I get an idea in my head that's really interesting to think about, it will keep me awake for hours after I get in bed, and sometimes prevent me from falling asleep. This ends up messing up my sleep schedule and I end up missing appointments/meetings, etc...

This constant internal dialogue always has a comment/thought about everything I sense, feel, think and do. It never switches off. I've noticed that the thoughts are always the opposite of what I'm experiencing. If someone says something positive or I think something positive, the internal dialogue has a negative response and vice versa.

It was real life experience. By night i had bedroom room furnitures assembled. Including bed. Next day all other furniturrs and all was left was 10 boxes of my 3x stuff, she needed a month to unpack them

Without tje need to actively assign places. You can make it run in auto mode.

The correct answer was: the moment we finished loading lorry and i had full list of contents

Yes and often it's noticing detail that others miss. Even in social situations I think I can pick up very subtle things that other people do not notice. But the more obvious stuff goes over my head. I know what you mean about thoughts happening so quickly. And then it's kind of making a leap to retrieve the one which you think fits best in the context out of all the possibilities and that can be tiring because it's like trying to keep up with the other people rather than going at your own pace.

Just unload the lorry into the front room like we did then spend the next two years throwing all the stuff away you shouldn't even have packed and finding a home for everything else. Haha!

I think your analogy is interesting. Just like we have to have things in rooms and in the right place in the house, we need our thoughts in certain boxes and drawers in our head.

I actually didn't realise how much processing time I need until recently. Although it depends on the situation.

In terms of conversations, someone can say a simple thing and it can throw up an array of different images and words, some may be amusing but only to myself and its like flicking through a book of words and pictures related to what was said. Is it any wonder we get so tired if this is happening while keeping up the facade of conversation. I think I understand more now why I might've said things out of context and killed a conversation.

Imagine: (exercise)

you are moving house

truck fully loaded

superkingsize bed, sofa, superking size matress, 2computer desks, 2 wardrobes, 3 open wardrobes with shelves for books, all dismantled in parts, and tied in bundles 20 big and 60 small various sizes and content boxes are being unloaded by two helpers from a company renting truck

plus a lot of small things without boxes, that's what happens when you run out of boxes

hpw long does it take you to form a plan how to get it in??

to first floor 2bedroom flat, using stairs, that are about 1m wide, where to put it inside to avoid one biig tumbled mess, 

I can only focus on one conversation at a time. It takes effort. Horrible being in a coffee shop for example, when I can hear what everyone else is saying, and struggle to hear what my companion is saying. I actually feel deaf. I lean forward, open my ears, and watch the lips to try and guess what’s being said. Sensory overload!

I don't think there's a right or wrong way though it's just different ways for different people.

Yes, I can relate. I take agesssss to make the decision, but I don’t have regrets. Just get on with it. Like you say, the more info the better, and once I know all there is to know, I can decide. 

Oh god, I once had a colleague talking AND watching me type. In the past I wouldve just tried and tried to keep up, or interrupted my flow to stop typing and talk. Either option not great. But now I know I'm autistic, I used humour best I could to assert myself and kindly ask she not do that. 

The processing time is so important. My closest friends/family get this about me, not so much others though.

Billy87 said:

Also I often find I hear far more of the conversations at the other side of the room than the person who is actually talking to me

I find this very interesting- for me, each speaker seems to drown the others out, they pretty much cancel each other out. I have to really focus in these moments, but I can also imagine the intensity of having someone talking to you, whilst others are speaking could alert the listener in the way you describe too. It’s always great hearing of shared experiences, but with different presentations.

Oh really? I’m not hyper at all. But I like doing many things at once. What about summer makes you get out of control? lol 

Im like that. If I am having a conversation with someone and they say something that needs a lot of processing I just completely lose track of the conversation and struggle to finish it cos I need to process whats been said. 
Also I often find I hear far more of the conversations at the other side of the room than the person who is actually talking to me

Someone was talking to me yesterday as I was typing. In trying to keep up with both, I failed in doing either to any reasonable degree of success!

This is a nice analogy.