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Attention to thoughts

Deleted User

After a brief conversation with someone, I wanted to find out about attention to thoughts in autistic people. Quite often when faced with too many options for something, say, a task, I don't know where to start, all options are shouting just as loudly as each other. I think this is the same for thoughts. I can get fixated on something insignificant which seems to shout loudly but when this shift moves to something else such as existential matters, this shouts just as loud. It does often feel like my brain is full to the brim like a room full of people chattering away. And I don't know which conversation to join. It's like I have difficulty prioritising what's a little thought or problem to what is a big thought or problem. 

I found this link really interesting but I haven't checked the references properly yet.

https://embrace-autism.com/autism-and-disorganized-thoughts/

I just wondered if anyone can relate to it or if you had any comments.

Parents

  • I experience this every single day; it affects my life in so many different ways:

    Sometimes I spend several hours staring at the stuff in my kitchen cupboard, considering all the things I could possibly make, running through the steps needed to make each dish in order to determine which dish would be quickest to make, sometimes I can't decide at all and end up only eating a slice of bread or nothing at all instead of having a proper meal. This usually happens when I'm tired, and don't feel like spending a lot of time cooking.

    When I'm in a conversation with someone and they say something nice to me, I experience a negative thought about what they just said. For example if someone compliments my appearance my brain will tell me they're being sarcastic or humoring me or that they're trying to set me up as the punchline of a joke. Which makes it difficult for me to trust anyone because these intrusive thoughts always end up putting fear, uncertainty and doubt in my mind about other people. I think this is why I procrastinate so much, if you can't decide, you can't act.

    If I get an idea in my head that's really interesting to think about, it will keep me awake for hours after I get in bed, and sometimes prevent me from falling asleep. This ends up messing up my sleep schedule and I end up missing appointments/meetings, etc...

    This constant internal dialogue always has a comment/thought about everything I sense, feel, think and do. It never switches off. I've noticed that the thoughts are always the opposite of what I'm experiencing. If someone says something positive or I think something positive, the internal dialogue has a negative response and vice versa.

  • in reply to Cat Waiter

    That must be difficult if your thoughts contradict what's going on all the time. I do too have the internal dialogue or monologue etc. Quite often when I've been in periods of talking therapy, between the sessions,  I'm having conversations with the therapist in my head about different thoughts as they happen. 

    Cat Waiter said:
    For example if someone compliments my appearance my brain will tell me they're being sarcastic or humoring me

    I totally understand this. I can't often tell if someone is winding me up or being serious.  I think most people wouldn't give a compliment unless they meant it though...?

    I do find mindfulness is helping but you have to do it regularly and it takes a few weeks for the cumulative effects to kick in. But I have found my mind is a bit more peaceful especially when I'm out on walks where I do a lot of thinking.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    It's very difficult, I believe it's the cause of my procrastination. I do the conversations with people in my head thing too. Before I meet someone I'm basically rehearsing what I want to say to them and how I'm going to respond to what they say. After the conversation I can spend days, weeks, even months analysing the conversation to see what I could've/would've/should've said. During the conversation the internal monologue is usually focused on the social interaction itself (too much eye contact? too little? what's this person really thinking? etc) or whatever is happening around me (sounds/movements) will draw my attention and I will miss part of the conversation then have to try and figure out what the person is saying from the fragments I did get.

    I agree that most people wouldn't give a compliment unless they meant it, and I do give people the benefit of the doubt these days, but in my case I was bullied/tormented/abused throughout my entire childhood, and they would lure me in by being nice, making me feel included, then switch to abusing me for their own entertainment. I took it all to heart because I'm overly empathetic/sensitive and they did it so often that my subconscious become conditioned to expect that behaviour from people by default. So now I have trust issues because of it. That's the theory I intend to present to the psychologist when my appointment finally comes through. I also find it worse if someone is being non-verbal, but smiling at me, more fuel for the monologue to work with there.

    I haven't tried mindfulness yet, though people do keep reminding me of it, because I'm unable to do anything on a regular basis. I'm going to try it at some point. I think a lot when walking too, that seems to be the only time I can balance thinking with doing, the rest of the time it's one or the other.

    Is it just me or are all my posts like little novels?

  • in reply to Cat Waiter

    not just yours

    and they are as long as they have to be

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