Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I recently lost a very significant, formative, and long-lasting friendship. I also had strong romantic feelings for this person, which they had said they were fine with. Recently they told me they didn’t want to be in touch because they feel I need more from them than they’re able to give.
Yesterday another friend told me I ‘could ease off a bit’ after I expressed concern and gave them some info about potential travel disruptions for them during the coming heatwave.
Both experiences happening in fairly quick succession have made me realise how intense and clingy I am. I used to see the clinginess as loyalty, and engaging deeply as a way of expressing care. But now I know it pushes people away, and I don’t know how to stop.
I doubt my diagnosis a lot - I’ve had two assessments, both of which diagnosed me, but neither was as in-depth as some of the ones I’ve heard about. In the more thorough one, my dad told them things that weren’t true, and I really wasn’t myself in my own interview.
The intensity thing does make me wonder if autism could explain my difficulties relating to people, but am I just making excuses? Is that last thought internalised ablism?
Ideas on any of the above would be much appreciated
you're fine. It's them being unable to accept your goodness.
non-autistic like to think everyone else have hidden agenda, because they do, so they might think that about you, and it's unfair
The thing is that the friend who ended their connection with me also has autistic traits….. not diagnosed, but still makes me doubt myself again in some ways, even though I know we won’t necessarily get on just because we’re both (probably) on the spectrum