Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I recently lost a very significant, formative, and long-lasting friendship. I also had strong romantic feelings for this person, which they had said they were fine with. Recently they told me they didn’t want to be in touch because they feel I need more from them than they’re able to give.
Yesterday another friend told me I ‘could ease off a bit’ after I expressed concern and gave them some info about potential travel disruptions for them during the coming heatwave.
Both experiences happening in fairly quick succession have made me realise how intense and clingy I am. I used to see the clinginess as loyalty, and engaging deeply as a way of expressing care. But now I know it pushes people away, and I don’t know how to stop.
I doubt my diagnosis a lot - I’ve had two assessments, both of which diagnosed me, but neither was as in-depth as some of the ones I’ve heard about. In the more thorough one, my dad told them things that weren’t true, and I really wasn’t myself in my own interview.
The intensity thing does make me wonder if autism could explain my difficulties relating to people, but am I just making excuses? Is that last thought internalised ablism?
Ideas on any of the above would be much appreciated
i can be very intense/clingy, i have a mental health diagnosis that would explain that however and yes i see it as loyalty/devotion too and nothing will ever make me see it as otherwise because that is what it is to me, regardless whether its an extreme form of it and i am proud of that, despite the problems it has caused me
as for how it relates to asd, i couldn't help you with, although I have known many periods of my life without any friends etc, so perhaps one exacerbates the other, however, my periods tend to come from feeling betrayed due to how much i can care about people and would do for them, and in return, it being shown that they are not willing to do the same and thus i burn bridges,, but in honesty i think only one person in my entire life has made me feel that everything is kind of mutual, so perhaps its just me.
so with me i have a mental health diagnosis, and am awaiting asd assessment , and theres only a few things i can clearly separate and know that its at the least an autistic trait.
but i hope some of that was useful in some small way
Thank you for sharing your experience. I relate to much of it. It’s really tough, but you’re not alone