How to support my son in finding work? (and dealing with life generally)

Thanks for the Coursera link - that might well be of interest to him. He did try Open University, perhaps picked a course that didn't suit him, didn't like the course teaching format.    

Hi, If he is worried about committing in terms of qualifications but would like to have a try at some things, maybe some short online courses could interest him- in the past I enrolled on some on Coursera : Top Film Courses - Learn Film Online | Coursera - There used to be a lot of free courses on there (I think the format of the site has changed though since I last used it )- I just put film in the search box out of interest, but it has courses on lots of topics and at different levels. Maybe this could appeal to your son whilst he is looking for a job. The other option is Open University, however that is more expensive- they offer full degrees but you can also just do shorter courses- When I was at school I did 2 biology modules in my free time with the Open University which I enjoyed. 

Thanks for explaining the school system in the UK :). Good luck in the job search!! 

Hi Ann, 

Thanks for your response. College in the UK is usually an alternative to the last 2 years in school. UK students take GCSEs at 15/16, which are the first level of qualifications (weirdly called Level 2) and then the next step up is A levels etc which are Level 3. University degree is the next level up from that. My son did a Level 3 computing qualification. He dislikes coding and isn't confident with it, preferring hardware. 

As to what would suit him, the goalposts change regularly. I agree that more qualifications might help but he won't commit to a course and doesn't want an apprenticeship as he "might spend 2 years doing something and not want to do that in the end." I have pointed out that he has spent the past 6 years doing very little so it's not  like he's got a lot to lose, but we just end up going in circles getting nowhere. Part of the difficulty is that he has been unemployed for so long and has so little experience that the jobs he would like aren't interested in him. I've tried suggesting volunteering and he has applied for a couple of things but Covid blew most of that out and it's still not come back yet. So many people lost jobs during the pandemic that the job market is very competitive, so even worse than before. We do use Indeed for job search - I've found it's the best one.

His main passion is film - he writes scripts. He started studying media at college after the IT but it didn't go well (too much group work with lazy people involved). It's a difficult area to get into. I've suggested joining a film club but he isn't keen (too much compromise involved and have to meet a new group of people?)

Thanks to all who have replied with your suggestions. We'll keep plodding on, but sometimes it feels like hitting your head repeatedly against a brick wall. Best of luck in your own job search, Ann. 

Hi, I'm also autistic and currently on job search and it's definitely not easy and very stressful to find a job- so it's already great that he has already managed to apply for jobs- that's a very good first step. I am curious about the IT- did he enjoy this at college? (just to make sure I understand correctly as I am not from the UK- college is that the last 2 years of school or university? ). It sounds like a job that he can do from home could be a good fit as well. If he is into the computer science that could be an option? (If he has a university degree in that it should make him very employable and even if he is just interested I think there are so many resources to get into coding on your own too- often summer projects available too etc.). What is it that he would enjoy doing? Is there any topic that he is passionate about? Would he consider getting some more qualifications? There are quite a lot of qualifications you can get remotely as well. It could help to make a list of points that are most important for him in terms of work environment. Of course it's hard to find a perfect job but it always helps to know what your priorities are when looking- depending on what jobs you are looking for there are also a lot of websites that can help - I have found Job Search | Indeed quite useful as it can also send you email updates when new jobs are posted. 

Don't give up- I think it takes a lot of perseverance to find a suitable job- at least that is what I am telling myself as I am also currently looking (though I am in a different situation). I hope your son finds a job that he likes !! 

I'm sure he will be brilliant with finances

The way I see it, as a way of finding well paid office job, meet someone working in such a place, or have family member who does, befriend them, ask them for a favour to vouch for you, easier said then done.

if you can spare your son going through a nightmare

Hi Mariusz,

Thanks for your reply. I can understand how frustrating it must be to be stuck in a job that doesn't suit you or enable you to make best use of your abilities. Necessity has forced you to put yourself out there and learn how to cope and you must be a strong person mentally to manage that. I feel unsure with my son whether we should withdraw some support to try to make him do the same or accept he can't manage it. Concern about his mental health has always left me encouraging but not trying to force the issue. My husband veers between angry frustration and being resigned to it. We are discussing the possibility of trying to set up a small online business in our retirement and getting him involved in that. 

I ALWAYS him and ham during Interviews. The jobs I got were either voluntary, or contract. 

Hi Alisha, 

Thanks for responding. I tried encouraging him to apply for a library "lunch cover" job as that would minimise contact but he is adamant he won't do front line customer service. The library service where I work is quite demanding in terms of what you have to do (everything from cash management to running baby bounce sessions and some quite stressful front line encounters on occasion). Employers may not be able to discriminate but he is reluctant to share his diagnosis and lots of jobs require experience that he just doesn't have. Online work would be okay if he didn't have to communicate by phone (which he absolutely won't do). I have again suggested visiting GP re. mental health but he isn't interested ("they won't do anything"). I think I might go and talk to my GP about my situation and see if they can refer me on to anyone. 

When I started in a supermarket it felt like a nightmare job, and I did get complains from customers a lot. But since I don't have supporting parents, I had to endure it, and i got better with customer's not that I like it, then regular customers begin to recognise you, and it makes it easier, to have few nice people coming shopping daily and to have a chat with me. 

But it's not a fulfilling job. it only provides means. I spent 15 years looking for a job where I could use brain not muscle and nothing. Even for simple jobs I was successful at interviews only twice, in extrqaordinary circumstances, when someone vouched for me.

Unfortunately face-to-face interview is a discimination against atustic in my opinion, it is basically popularity contest against non-autistic. it is frustrating.

He needs to find something that will give him joy and keep him going while futily looking for work.

Hiya,

Seems like life is pretty stressful for you all at the moment. maybe try a library, he might surprise himself. i work in a library and my contact with the public is pretty repetitive, i have a script for all occasions so i don't worry about it anymore. my main job is shelving which you think he enjoyed so maybe give it a go. employers can't discriminate and have to make reasonable adjustments. could he try some sort of online work? so he doesn't need to be with other people

Sorry that he struggles with his mental health. has he tried medication? it doesn't work for everyone but it has certainly worked for me

Alisha xx