How to support my son in finding work? (and dealing with life generally)

Hi all,

My son is 23 years old. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 17, whilst in college (private assessment which we funded). School and college were a struggle but he came out with reasonable grades. He dislikes interacting with other people (either in person or by phone - will answer email and talk with his friend group online) and finds it very stressful. He has a qualification in IT which we thought might help him, but he believes he only passed it with support from friends and has no confidence in his ability - not sure of the truth here. He will not claim benefits (is living at home off savings) or engage with support groups etc. After years of unemployment he got a job last year in the warehouse of a certain large supermarket and lasted 3 months (nearly quit after first week) as he hated it so much due to the inefficiency and poor management, which he can't deal with. I got him 4 months work experience in my workplace (public libraries - no customer contact, shelving etc.) to enhance his CV and this has just ended. He liked the physical part okay but would never be able to deal with the customer service aspect of my kind of job. We (parents) are financially reasonably okay so the need for him to work because we can't support him is not there and we are not sure how capable he is or how hard to push. I don't want to make his situation worse but don't know how to move things forward - he is comfortable at home and pretty reclusive. He is applying for jobs again but no success so far and his CV is very sparse which won't help in the current work market. I've tried suggesting going back to our local support service but no joy so far. His view is that he hates being in the world and feels no desire to engage with society at all. I'm frustrated as he is bright and often funny and far more capable intellectually than many of the people I work with - it seems such a waste. All I want is for him to be able to look after himself when we are no longer able to and to be as happy in life as he is capable of being. As a parent it's painful when your child tells you they hate their life and wish they weren't here. He isn't actually suicidal (says he's "too much of a coward to kill himself"). He has said he is depressed, possibly bi-polar and I have suggested GP visit but he varies in response to that. He had some limited mental health support when a teenager - I got the impression they thought I was a neurotic parent making a fuss about nothing. Thoughts and advice welcome, thanks.

Parents
  • Hiya,

    Seems like life is pretty stressful for you all at the moment. maybe try a library, he might surprise himself. i work in a library and my contact with the public is pretty repetitive, i have a script for all occasions so i don't worry about it anymore. my main job is shelving which you think he enjoyed so maybe give it a go. employers can't discriminate and have to make reasonable adjustments. could he try some sort of online work? so he doesn't need to be with other people

    Sorry that he struggles with his mental health. has he tried medication? it doesn't work for everyone but it has certainly worked for me

    Alisha xx

Reply
  • Hiya,

    Seems like life is pretty stressful for you all at the moment. maybe try a library, he might surprise himself. i work in a library and my contact with the public is pretty repetitive, i have a script for all occasions so i don't worry about it anymore. my main job is shelving which you think he enjoyed so maybe give it a go. employers can't discriminate and have to make reasonable adjustments. could he try some sort of online work? so he doesn't need to be with other people

    Sorry that he struggles with his mental health. has he tried medication? it doesn't work for everyone but it has certainly worked for me

    Alisha xx

Children
  • Hi Alisha, 

    Thanks for responding. I tried encouraging him to apply for a library "lunch cover" job as that would minimise contact but he is adamant he won't do front line customer service. The library service where I work is quite demanding in terms of what you have to do (everything from cash management to running baby bounce sessions and some quite stressful front line encounters on occasion). Employers may not be able to discriminate but he is reluctant to share his diagnosis and lots of jobs require experience that he just doesn't have. Online work would be okay if he didn't have to communicate by phone (which he absolutely won't do). I have again suggested visiting GP re. mental health but he isn't interested ("they won't do anything"). I think I might go and talk to my GP about my situation and see if they can refer me on to anyone.