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How to support my son in finding work? (and dealing with life generally)

NAS80955

Hi all,

My son is 23 years old. He was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 17, whilst in college (private assessment which we funded). School and college were a struggle but he came out with reasonable grades. He dislikes interacting with other people (either in person or by phone - will answer email and talk with his friend group online) and finds it very stressful. He has a qualification in IT which we thought might help him, but he believes he only passed it with support from friends and has no confidence in his ability - not sure of the truth here. He will not claim benefits (is living at home off savings) or engage with support groups etc. After years of unemployment he got a job last year in the warehouse of a certain large supermarket and lasted 3 months (nearly quit after first week) as he hated it so much due to the inefficiency and poor management, which he can't deal with. I got him 4 months work experience in my workplace (public libraries - no customer contact, shelving etc.) to enhance his CV and this has just ended. He liked the physical part okay but would never be able to deal with the customer service aspect of my kind of job. We (parents) are financially reasonably okay so the need for him to work because we can't support him is not there and we are not sure how capable he is or how hard to push. I don't want to make his situation worse but don't know how to move things forward - he is comfortable at home and pretty reclusive. He is applying for jobs again but no success so far and his CV is very sparse which won't help in the current work market. I've tried suggesting going back to our local support service but no joy so far. His view is that he hates being in the world and feels no desire to engage with society at all. I'm frustrated as he is bright and often funny and far more capable intellectually than many of the people I work with - it seems such a waste. All I want is for him to be able to look after himself when we are no longer able to and to be as happy in life as he is capable of being. As a parent it's painful when your child tells you they hate their life and wish they weren't here. He isn't actually suicidal (says he's "too much of a coward to kill himself"). He has said he is depressed, possibly bi-polar and I have suggested GP visit but he varies in response to that. He had some limited mental health support when a teenager - I got the impression they thought I was a neurotic parent making a fuss about nothing. Thoughts and advice welcome, thanks.

Parents

  • Hi, I'm also autistic and currently on job search and it's definitely not easy and very stressful to find a job- so it's already great that he has already managed to apply for jobs- that's a very good first step. I am curious about the IT- did he enjoy this at college? (just to make sure I understand correctly as I am not from the UK- college is that the last 2 years of school or university? ). It sounds like a job that he can do from home could be a good fit as well. If he is into the computer science that could be an option? (If he has a university degree in that it should make him very employable and even if he is just interested I think there are so many resources to get into coding on your own too- often summer projects available too etc.). What is it that he would enjoy doing? Is there any topic that he is passionate about? Would he consider getting some more qualifications? There are quite a lot of qualifications you can get remotely as well. It could help to make a list of points that are most important for him in terms of work environment. Of course it's hard to find a perfect job but it always helps to know what your priorities are when looking- depending on what jobs you are looking for there are also a lot of websites that can help - I have found Job Search | Indeed quite useful as it can also send you email updates when new jobs are posted. 

    Don't give up- I think it takes a lot of perseverance to find a suitable job- at least that is what I am telling myself as I am also currently looking (though I am in a different situation). I hope your son finds a job that he likes !! 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Hi Ann, 

    Thanks for your response. College in the UK is usually an alternative to the last 2 years in school. UK students take GCSEs at 15/16, which are the first level of qualifications (weirdly called Level 2) and then the next step up is A levels etc which are Level 3. University degree is the next level up from that. My son did a Level 3 computing qualification. He dislikes coding and isn't confident with it, preferring hardware. 

    As to what would suit him, the goalposts change regularly. I agree that more qualifications might help but he won't commit to a course and doesn't want an apprenticeship as he "might spend 2 years doing something and not want to do that in the end." I have pointed out that he has spent the past 6 years doing very little so it's not  like he's got a lot to lose, but we just end up going in circles getting nowhere. Part of the difficulty is that he has been unemployed for so long and has so little experience that the jobs he would like aren't interested in him. I've tried suggesting volunteering and he has applied for a couple of things but Covid blew most of that out and it's still not come back yet. So many people lost jobs during the pandemic that the job market is very competitive, so even worse than before. We do use Indeed for job search - I've found it's the best one.

    His main passion is film - he writes scripts. He started studying media at college after the IT but it didn't go well (too much group work with lazy people involved). It's a difficult area to get into. I've suggested joining a film club but he isn't keen (too much compromise involved and have to meet a new group of people?)

    Thanks to all who have replied with your suggestions. We'll keep plodding on, but sometimes it feels like hitting your head repeatedly against a brick wall. Best of luck in your own job search, Ann. 

  • in reply to NAS80955

    Hi, If he is worried about committing in terms of qualifications but would like to have a try at some things, maybe some short online courses could interest him- in the past I enrolled on some on Coursera : Top Film Courses - Learn Film Online | Coursera - There used to be a lot of free courses on there (I think the format of the site has changed though since I last used it )- I just put film in the search box out of interest, but it has courses on lots of topics and at different levels. Maybe this could appeal to your son whilst he is looking for a job. The other option is Open University, however that is more expensive- they offer full degrees but you can also just do shorter courses- When I was at school I did 2 biology modules in my free time with the Open University which I enjoyed. 

    Thanks for explaining the school system in the UK :). Good luck in the job search!! 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Thanks for the Coursera link - that might well be of interest to him. He did try Open University, perhaps picked a course that didn't suit him, didn't like the course teaching format.    

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