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Having Children

Catlover

This is specifically for females, but males can answer too if they wish….

If you were diagnosed as a child, did you still want and have children when you grew up? Or did you choose not to have any?

And for those with children, who were diagnosed in middle age, do you think you would have still wanted children if you were diagnosed earlier?

Parents

  • For those considering having children, please speak to people who grew up with autistic parents. There are common issues that can be avoided when you know what to look for and have a plan.

    Please commit to working as hard to understand your child's emotions, motivations, triggers and patterns, as you wish the adults in your life worked to understand yours. 

    It took until the third child for my mother to be able to cope with the noise and choas of kids. My cousin used to joke and say that the first two were the throw away pancakes, the first two crepes that don't go right in every batch. 

Reply

  • For those considering having children, please speak to people who grew up with autistic parents. There are common issues that can be avoided when you know what to look for and have a plan.

    Please commit to working as hard to understand your child's emotions, motivations, triggers and patterns, as you wish the adults in your life worked to understand yours. 

    It took until the third child for my mother to be able to cope with the noise and choas of kids. My cousin used to joke and say that the first two were the throw away pancakes, the first two crepes that don't go right in every batch. 

Children
  • in reply to NAS80706

    Only when I was diagnosed in middle age, did I look at my mother and our the friction in our relationship again...OK so i'm not a clinical psychologist to make a diagnosis of her, but I so see the traits.  I have a deep suspicion that I did grow up with an autistic mother.  Attwood thinks that one of two things happens when an autistic parent has an autistic child; they are either each other's best mate, or really can't stand each other.

    Happily, my lovely son and heir, who I think is socially pretty NT, but with some ND thought patterns, was such an easy child to raise and so loved by everyone.  

    I think what I am saying is that with all parent-child relationships, it can just be luck of the draw.  We can't order up the child/parent we want, but get the one we're given.  Sometimes that turns out great and sometimes not.

    At least seeing what I see now in my mum, I can let certain things ride.  She's not a bad person, there's just stuff she'll never understand.

  • in reply to NAS80706

    Yes, there are definitely common issues that many of us will encounter.  The way in can be problematic though, as families/individuals would need to realise that they're autistic or otherwise neurodivergent.  And in our family this has only happened quite recently.  Still, some of it applies generally as part of good parenting.