Help & Ideas MK1

God, I hate food. Our nasty little bodies place such burdens on us. First of all you have to shop for the food - a stress on the executive function and time I'd like to devote to something else.

Then you have to cook the damn stuff only for it to create a stench I hate and a mess that upsets my ordered world - more time waste to clean up, although I try to create as little mess as possible, but choosing food that dirties as few dishes as possible.

Then, you have to remember you need to eat (and half the time, I forget) and then make decisions around what's healthy and what I feel I can actually put in my mouth and chew.

Many a time I make a meal and then balk at the though of eating it.

Moreover, the whole sensory ordeal has been worse since they took some of my teeth. Now eating is really unpleasant.

And then, you suffer when the damn stuff goes through the digestive system. The morning IBS can be excruciating. I wish I could live on fresh air.

I do seem to do better though if on holiday or something and it's just put in front of me without that shopping, decision making, remembering stress. I eat what I can..

Your best approach might be to take over the meal prep, note what she likes and just put something relatively nutritious in front of her. Relieved of the mental drain, she might have more energy left for doing people at the martial arts class.

thanks i really appreciate you and every else's feedback .
what I will do is gather all the ideas and when she is in a tip top mindset. eliminate the bones she does not like and then work on a solution based on the ones she does like
that's going to take about 3 meetings ... have to be the right day head space wise.. 

hi. its funny, i was just thinking if i met someone who understood me that well how much i would want to marry them. im still looking. at the end of the day you know her better than anyone else. but please dont make a desicion based on what other people might think. thats always been the problem ive had. best of luck. 

i totally understand this idea "dont ask her what she wants"...... but i am very careful about it. for this reason.
it may make my life easier but its the start of a slop that makes me her "life boss" and greatly concerns me that if I follow this line I will slowly crush the spark of her personality out of her .
i can make quick decisions and with my personality type I could make her do these things but then I am running her like like some "life tyrant"
I feel this could, and poss does happen to other couples as it easier and  quicker for the support person.
I also feel I loved her before we knew she had asd , and now after I still love her, I do what to make life easier and more effective for her but I draw the line at running her life ...... i get we are only talking about lunch here but its a hop and a skip to everything 

find what she likes and give it to her at mealtimes. dont ask her what she wants. youre probably overwhelming her with options .  just ask her if shes hungry. 

if i could i would eat hotdogs (specific brand) in buns with american mustard every mealtime, although i also eat at other peoples houses etc just to be polite. if you go out and you sense her freaking out, let her look at the menu beforehand or you could order for her. 

well, last night ruined her day till 2 am in the morning, as every aspect of her asd kicked in. and I still feel if we had fixed the lunch issue things would not have ramped up to factor 10 but stayed at a manageable 2 to 3......... I am exhausted and I am sure she feels worse meaning its very easy to have 2nd bad day if you are both drained .... thank for all of your replays I will investigate all of them 

Your are very welcome, your autistic girlfriend might enjoy listening to it too.

Thanks , i will check out the podcast

Thanks Han, i have suggested this before but will try that again

Hello, it is really nice that you are coming on this forum for advice about how to support to support your autistic girlfriend.

 I don’t like the question ‘what do you want for lunch?’. It is too vague. Does she have any safe foods? (any foods she will always eat) If so, you could always have these available for lunch everyday to avoid the overwhelm associated with decision making.

Decision making is one of the executive functions, it can require a lot of energy. For your girlfriend, it might be really important to lessen decision making by incorporating them into daily routines. For example, eating the same things or one of two things every day.

This podcast might give some insight into autistic experience for you:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06sdq0x/episodes/downloads.

The episode called ‘turn the studio lights down’ may be particularly useful for this situation.

 I hope this helps.

Can you pick a meal she likes and have that every day? I find that takes a lot of the stress out of eating as there's no decision to be made.