Selective Mutism

I'm now watching the Aucademy video with Harry, Kieran and Senka (mentioned above) and it's really coming home to me how much I've been affected by this, while all the time not being able to fully articulate my experiences.  Watching others speak about it makes it much easier for me.  And I can quite clearly remember this affecting me from my earliest days, at school, in the playground, in social groups, then later at university and work. 

Things that have helped me over the years:-

- Not CBT with a therapist (which would have me almost adopting the mask of a client and saying what I felt I was supposed to say because actually this felt like yet another social experience in which I was expected to perform) but reading around the subject and using a bit of very personalised cognitive therapy on myself.  This involved journalling, catching my own automatic thoughts  then drilling down into any problematic or "sticky" core beliefs, especially around ideas about self worth, others' expectations and conditions of worth which I might have internalised over the years.

- In similar vein, not taking on anyone else's idea of the kind of exposure therapy that might somehow be good for me, but, at my own pace and bearing in mind my own levels of discomfort (often extreme such that it tipped from discomfort into distress!), selecting personal challenges with which, on a good day and with the wind behind me, I felt I could cope.

- Developing a more compassionate, caring relationship with myself, moving further and further away from any conditions of worth that had been pushed onto me (often by figures of authority).  It's OK if I don't speak.  Do I need to add a sense of shame about not doing so into the mix?  And perhaps there are alternatives?  Does all communication have to be verbal?   Might I pre-record that presentation?  Does everyone need to contribute inthe same (NT) way?

- Doing a kind of "Paul McKenna" on myself.  Imagine the most confident version of myself.  Ask myself how I feel, what I do as that more confident version.  Mentally step into that self and notice the shift, what changes, whether I can safely move into different environments in that state.

- Sometimes, and against all NT advice, avoiding things might actually be better for me and certainly less damaging.  Sometimes I need to be amongst my own people and in my own natural habitat.  So what if that's someone else's idea of a hermitage.  

- Masking.   Mixed feelings about this but I still do it.  I just think there's a need to be tuned into what's going on and notice when I'm doing it, why, and when it's actually safe not to.  Sometimes, though, it just isn't safe, so then I don't merely step into a more confident version of myself, I step into my idea of a more confident, "successful" person, depending upong hte environment I'm in.          

I'm now watching the Aucademy video with Harry, Kieran and Senka (mentioned above) and it's really coming home to me how much I've been affected by this, while all the time not being able to fully articulate my experiences.  Watching others speak about it makes it much easier for me.  And I can quite clearly remember this affecting me from my earliest days, at school, in the playground, in social groups, then later at university and work. 

Things that have helped me over the years:-

- Not CBT with a therapist (which would have me almost adopting the mask of a client and saying what I felt I was supposed to say because actually this felt like yet another social experience in which I was expected to perform) but reading around the subject and using a bit of very personalised cognitive therapy on myself.  This involved journalling, catching my own automatic thoughts  then drilling down into any problematic or "sticky" core beliefs, especially around ideas about self worth, others' expectations and conditions of worth which I might have internalised over the years.

- In similar vein, not taking on anyone else's idea of the kind of exposure therapy that might somehow be good for me, but, at my own pace and bearing in mind my own levels of discomfort (often extreme such that it tipped from discomfort into distress!), selecting personal challenges with which, on a good day and with the wind behind me, I felt I could cope.

- Developing a more compassionate, caring relationship with myself, moving further and further away from any conditions of worth that had been pushed onto me (often by figures of authority).  It's OK if I don't speak.  Do I need to add a sense of shame about not doing so into the mix?  And perhaps there are alternatives?  Does all communication have to be verbal?   Might I pre-record that presentation?  Does everyone need to contribute inthe same (NT) way?

- Doing a kind of "Paul McKenna" on myself.  Imagine the most confident version of myself.  Ask myself how I feel, what I do as that more confident version.  Mentally step into that self and notice the shift, what changes, whether I can safely move into different environments in that state.

- Sometimes, and against all NT advice, avoiding things might actually be better for me and certainly less damaging.  Sometimes I need to be amongst my own people and in my own natural habitat.  So what if that's someone else's idea of a hermitage.  

- Masking.   Mixed feelings about this but I still do it.  I just think there's a need to be tuned into what's going on and notice when I'm doing it, why, and when it's actually safe not to.  Sometimes, though, it just isn't safe, so then I don't merely step into a more confident version of myself, I step into my idea of a more confident, "successful" person, depending upong hte environment I'm in.