Attachment in friendships

When I was younger I could possibly be a bit clingy in friendships, as I’ve got older I’ve become more realistic about what I am to other people. By that I mean, I’m aware that a lot of people will act friendly, and even visit my house or accompany me on days out, whilst only viewing me as an acquaintance. I have my set of autistic friends now, so it’s easier to tolerate NT social games. 
Also, it is totally possible to become obsessed with a person and therefore a friend. It’s a long time since I’ve been obsessed with a friend, but it has happened.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Yes, the awareness of what we are to people is important. I often automatically assume people with whom I crave close connection don’t want the same with me though, and tuning into that feeling to let it neutralise some clinginess can be tough

I would agree actually, when I crave close connection with someone, I tend to assume that it wouldn’t be reciprocated, and that I would be making a nuisance of myself by pursuing it. Sadly, I think it is learnt behaviour as autistic life experience tends to be multiple rejection my multiple people who find our social differences annoying.

I would agree actually, when I crave close connection with someone, I tend to assume that it wouldn’t be reciprocated, and that I would be making a nuisance of myself by pursuing it. Sadly, I think it is learnt behaviour as autistic life experience tends to be multiple rejection my multiple people who find our social differences annoying.

Thank you Kitsune, I’ve heard your point before about demands on us growing around secondary school age, potentially beyond a person’s ability to mask in some areas. This rings true for me, and as I engage more with autistic people sharing their experiences, the doubt has been fading, for which I’m very grateful. Now it’s mostly the knowledge of other people’s doubt which can be difficult to deal with.

In terms of the blindness thing, some people have suggested this could explain social difficulties: I can’t see facial expressions, or know who is around in a busy room so initiating conversations might happen differently than it might be without these challenges. Losing one sense means having to learn to use the others differently, which can often make it seem like those senses are heightened. Some have even speculated that routine and special interests could be connected with blindness. None of this really feels like a satisfactory explanation to me, but some of it does make me question at times.

I think much of the scepticism from others comes from misconceptions of what autism can mean and look like…

Also thanks for the sympathy with the blindness but it’s mostly ok. It’s been all I’ve known since I was 2, so I’ve been luckier than many people who lose their vision later on and have to deal with grieving for it and readapting

I’m sorry to hear about your blindness, but I struggle to see how it could mimic autism symptoms. Struggling to make friends and sensory sensitivities are autistic traits. It’s also not uncommon that once people start secondary school, so around age 12, the social requirements begin to outstretch autistic social capabilities, thus making autism symptoms more obvious.

The main doubt factors are that I’m blind, so some of my family especially think that lots of my traits could be explained by that, and that my presentation of traits was very different before I was about 12: I certainly had sensory sensitivities, trouble making friends, (spent most of my time hanging out with adults until they stopped letting me) and over-regulated attention on things I was interested in, but other than that my mum says she didn’t see traits in me… Sometimes I’m sure we all wish we could get into others’ minds so we could know whether/how our experiences of the world were different

It’s a sad truth for autistics. What is it that makes you doubt your diagnosis?  It seems like you’re saying that you have difficulty reading other peoples social cues, which is a very autistic trait.

Sadly your thought about how expecting rejection might be learnt behaviour for us makes sense. Sometimes I still doubt my diagnosis and I’m not sure how to articulate my social differences, but thin like the clinginess, the difficulty with boundaries, the craving connection with a tiny number of people, and struggling to keep conversations light/more surface level are definitely true for me. N sure in a lot of cases why that would be annoying for others though - yes, they have better things to do/better people to spend time with, but I’d be honoured if someone clung to me, I would think at ‘Ok, if it’s this important to them maybe there’s something to be explored.’ Also the two people I’m thinking of also have autistic traits, (one is formally diagnosed) so I’m not sure if it’s a dble empathy thing unless I’m actually NT…