Unexpected & Unplanned

This situation should cause anxiety, it's fv*king chaos. This is incredibly disrespectful and rude to just turn up, uninvited, at whim. It's not the 1950s. Hopefully they don't own the house? 

I read an advice column of someone having a problem of the old owners of their house just turning up at whim. The advice was to answer the door in nothing but a robe/towel. Another idea would be to tell them to help themselves to a brew, and that you're in the middle of work/something, go upstairs and close your door. No confrontation, just exit. 

Are you expected to just drop everything you're in the middle of and entertain them? It's a bit presumptuous. Better to be armed with a different perspective on why no one should be required to apologise. Such as: In the house I was raised in, we don't just "Invade" our relatives. We "Afford" them the "Dignity" of a phone call or make a schedule. Doubtful any Royals just show up uninvited to anything - if they're fans of the royal family. Loads of excellent behaviour to model and "expect" if you simply expect the in-laws to act like the Queen would. 

Unfortunately your partner is involved. Best you could do is buy both of you a book on how to create good boundaries with parents and / or boundaries in all relationships. 

Usually, I want to visit; and get anxiety whenever I don't get a response. But my old family friend, sorting out the assembly of my Polytunnel, came unexpectedly. He just carries on the work outside, but I wish he would let me know whenever he's coming.

Gosh. You may have to fill in the blanks for me here! I do this sometimes, too & my son reminds me I need to add missing context.

Who do you want to visit with? Who isn't giving you a response? Does it happen often? I don't quite know what a polytunnel is or how it's assembled (a literal visualisation of this is a long polyester tube like children play in LOL). I'm also lost in what sort of work is happening outside and why there is a coming and going :) 

Thank you. That's a good suggestion to let my friend know that she doesn't need to send me a courtesy message.

I have a friend with ADHD who does this as well. All my friends with ADHD are put into a category of "Well Meaning". I have a solid understanding of their type of chaos and disorganisation struggles so I have a clear understanding of what I can expect from him. He is one of the few I feel understood by: positive. He  has good intentions and is respectful: positive. He simply cannot stay organised: I expect this so I'm never disappointed. 

Maybe let your friend know there's no need to tell you when she'll get back, in fact it's preferred she doesn't. You can both assign this particular correspondence between you as and when there's time. This helps you know what to expect and might help her feel less pressured to make promises she can't possibly live up to!

The waiting thing... I have a close friend that I frequently correspond with via a private messaging app (a bit like e-mail). When it's her turn to reply, she will often send me a courtesy message informing me that she will reply properly the next day. The next day comes and no message. Sometimes many days can pass before she actually gets around to sending a proper reply. She's a great friend and I've known her for 30+ years, but it does frustrate and disappoint me when I've spent the day looking forward to a reply that hasn't materialised. 

Ah! I might look into this polytunnel. I love potatoes.

At some point years ago I discovered the difference between "Passive Waiting" and "Active Waiting". This was a nice discovery.

After learning about these I refuse to wait without a reason. None of us should be subjected to a life in continual anticipation. It's stress and stress is meant for fight/flight mode not daily living.  So though my time management skills are horrendous, I've learned more about the art of delegating or appropriating tasks for various moments. Fiction, newsprint, sudoku are all enjoyable ways of mindless engaging during passive waiting which I don't mind being interrupted over. So they are good for the train. Or waiting on a friend. But other things like work and things I'm studying are given uninterrupted space I'm quite protective of. Little measures taken like these have really helped with life.

I do not appreciate individuals expecting me to just 'wait' without them giving me a set time frame and what I should expect. I've experienced enough of this with how males can treat females, as if their time and worth is disposable. Women will wait indefinitely for men and can end up just watching a clock while their lives pass them by. I've suffered that a few short times and now find it entirely disrespectful. Or perhaps aggravating and stressful enough to do something about it and reach new precepts about how I've decided to live my life! :)

Ah! I might look into this polytunnel. I love potatoes.

At some point years ago I discovered the difference between "Passive Waiting" and "Active Waiting". This was a nice discovery.

After learning about these I refuse to wait without a reason. None of us should be subjected to a life in continual anticipation. It's stress and stress is meant for fight/flight mode not daily living.  So though my time management skills are horrendous, I've learned more about the art of delegating or appropriating tasks for various moments. Fiction, newsprint, sudoku are all enjoyable ways of mindless engaging during passive waiting which I don't mind being interrupted over. So they are good for the train. Or waiting on a friend. But other things like work and things I'm studying are given uninterrupted space I'm quite protective of. Little measures taken like these have really helped with life.

I do not appreciate individuals expecting me to just 'wait' without them giving me a set time frame and what I should expect. I've experienced enough of this with how males can treat females, as if their time and worth is disposable. Women will wait indefinitely for men and can end up just watching a clock while their lives pass them by. I've suffered that a few short times and now find it entirely disrespectful. Or perhaps aggravating and stressful enough to do something about it and reach new precepts about how I've decided to live my life! :)

Thank you. That's a good suggestion to let my friend know that she doesn't need to send me a courtesy message.

I have a friend with ADHD who does this as well. All my friends with ADHD are put into a category of "Well Meaning". I have a solid understanding of their type of chaos and disorganisation struggles so I have a clear understanding of what I can expect from him. He is one of the few I feel understood by: positive. He  has good intentions and is respectful: positive. He simply cannot stay organised: I expect this so I'm never disappointed. 

Maybe let your friend know there's no need to tell you when she'll get back, in fact it's preferred she doesn't. You can both assign this particular correspondence between you as and when there's time. This helps you know what to expect and might help her feel less pressured to make promises she can't possibly live up to!

The waiting thing... I have a close friend that I frequently correspond with via a private messaging app (a bit like e-mail). When it's her turn to reply, she will often send me a courtesy message informing me that she will reply properly the next day. The next day comes and no message. Sometimes many days can pass before she actually gets around to sending a proper reply. She's a great friend and I've known her for 30+ years, but it does frustrate and disappoint me when I've spent the day looking forward to a reply that hasn't materialised.