Sunday night worry

I too am in my 50s and only realised I was autistic after my son was diagnosed. At last I realised why I found some things hard. I often struggle to get off to sleep on a Sunday night. Have you tried watching a good film or drama in the evening? Sometimes I find it helps to have something pleasant to switch my mind from anything challenging. Also I listen to music with headphones.

Hope you continue to find more time for yourself and ways to relax. 

I really wonder what it has been like if ASD had been understood in the 70's and 80's. I suffered enough bullying without being labeled as being 'special'. I remember in the 70's Blue Peter had a guy called Joey Deacon to show disabled people could achieve things in life. Of course kids are cruel and anybody who was a bit diffrent, or thick was called a Joey. I was quite a sickly child (asthma mainly) and I can remember a 'special' school being mentioned and I hated that thought. 

I wish I could just retire, sit at home infront of the PC and watch youtube stuff, read books, make model kits, all the things that make me relaxed and happy, but sadly that does not pay the bills.

Hi, I think the dread most probably does go back to school life. I don’t know if being different in the 70’s would have been received well. I can remember the headmaster doing the, “ this is so and so, he has this, you must all be nice to him.” He was basically signing their death warrant. If we had of known that we are autistic then, with no support, I don’t think it would have been any better. The masking is just so draining, I’m trying to slowly stop. The hard part is working out what is you and what part is this persona that we created to escape first the bullies in school and then work. I’ve become increasingly non verbal and am much happier when I can do this. I stim at home now when I need to and have started to take more time for me.

I have always hated sunday evenings too! Last Sunday had a nice lunch with friends but got back about 5 and all I could think about was the dread of work in the morning. Its been like that most of my life, particually as a kid. I am lucky that sleep is my release, my body loves sleep as it doesn't have to cope with the world then. 

I too am in my 50's and feel very much like you do about things. We never had a chance to be diagnosed when we were young. Only those that made problems for teachers were looked into for issues, I was a quiet, slightly below average pupil. I have no idea who I really am. My teens were awful, 20's not great, 30's and 40's much better, 50's I had a massive meltdown I am still recovering from. Don't be too tough on yourself, its a miracle we have survived this long really. 

Thank you Verity - I appreciate this. It is absolutely horrible - that’s true! I’ll google Buspirone - I’ve never heard of it. I’m really glad it’s helping you - I sometimes despair of ever finding something that works, I’ve had GAD for years but these last few months it’s been much worse than ever before. 
i really appreciate your kind words - you’re right - we do deserve to feel calm and happy - I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to be honest! 

Hi Kate, I'm sorry anxiety is effecting you. It's horrible isn't it. Hang in there! My doctor tried me on a few things, sertraline was one of them my god the side effects were awful! But eventually I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and then put on Buspirone which has worked wonders for me. It doesn't cure the anxiety but makes it more bearable for me and allows me to function. When anxiety gets bad just pester your GP and make them take you seriously. Help is out there and you deserve to feel calm and happy :) 

Hi Verity, can I ask what medication you find helps? I have had dreadful anxiety for the last few months and my usual strategies aren’t working anymore. 

Hi Roy - at least you’ve come to this realisation now - better late than never

I’m sure you’ll work many things out as you work through this process and hopefully you will benefit in the future by doing that. I’m sure you will. 

Thank you for your reply, I think medication may help. I did try antidepressants for 6 months  but felt no different. My wife is taking me to the cinema this afternoon, that will help keep my mind busy. 
most importantly welcome to the forum, I hope it helps you.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such intense anxiety. I get anxiety as well, also present 24-7. I have to manage mine with pills. I used to sort of do it myself but it got so bad in the end that I needed medication to make it tolerable. Definitely consider seeing your doctor see if they can help you with this. You shouldn't have to suffer like this. In the meantime try to relax and keep busy, use distractions if you can, try to fend off the anxiety.

Thanks for your reply, autism only came onto the radar at the beginning of December. I have just been referred by my GP. I’ve had to process the last 50 plus years and every event has had to go under the microscope. It’s led me to a burnout, I have no interest in work or anything else. My autism seems to have come out more. Boys do mask heavily as well. I feel lost most of the time, I struggle to remember the real me. It’s as if the real me was put in a cupboard in pre school and this imposter has just muddled on. I feel angry with myself, I’m not unintelligent but missed autism as to why I’m different. I’ve only told 5 people that I’m autistic, 3 came straight back with, “ I thought you was” could no one have shared the memo 30 years ago. I’m trying so hard not to have a meltdown.

sorry to overshare 

I’m sorry that you are experiencing this Roy. Have you spoken to your GP about if they can do anything to help you with your anxiety?