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Reacting to change, shock and surprises.

Sassenach

I react quite badly to any form of change, shock or surprise.
An email about a direct debit rise for example can send me into a tailspin. Even something tiny, such as an assistant unexpectedly removing and keeping a coat hanger from an item of clothing at the checkout can cause stress and anxiety 

I had other examples in mind, but am still reacting to something  that happened recently so I can't think properly right now. 


It's not that I can't be impulsive, because I can. But anything that blindsides me can send me into a small or a major meltdown

My ways of coping are to sleep, or if that isn't possible, play a game on my phone or watch a favourite TV show wearing my comfy clothes.  But I'm looking for ways of managing my reactions to changes, rather than just coping after I've had the reaction.





  • in reply to Homebird
    Homebird said:
    I need time to rethink the plan I already had worked out in my head.

    Yes! It's kind of like one track mind and I need time to allow my brain to change track.

    Moving house...it was even things like the light coming in in a different direction or angle that I needed to get used to.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I agree with this. I need time to rethink the plan I already had worked out in my head.

    It helps if you have people around who are happy to give time to readjust.

    Moving house not only involves lots of plans but when you are there it takes a while to remember new places. 

  • in reply to Sassenach

    We can't avoid change I think we just have to learn to deal with it and be kind to ourselves. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I really relate to you here. That "change to the plan in my head" is what throws me entirely. Change is OK.. on my terms. 

  • Can relate to tailspin. Got a meeting mixed up at work this week. I'd been banking on it all week to get answers then once I realised I'd got the date wrong I couldn't concentrate. It was a change to The Plan in my head.

    I booked a restaurant a while ago. Except I'd booked the one on the opposite side of the road by mistake. We stayed at the one I'd booked but again it threw me. However now I understand how my brain works I could see what was happening and just gave myself time to process it and knew I'd be ok. In the past it would've escalated into falling out with those present.

    My partner helped me by peeling spuds on Christmas day. I didn't know he'd done this and it sent me into overdrive as I was the one doing the meal.

    Moving house felt like it broke me but I couldn't understand why moving out for uni was fine. That was all on my terms. I'm fine if a change is on my terms but if it's not I find it incredibly difficult. 

  • in reply to Roy

    I understand all of that. My husband is very good with me when I suddenly breakdown over what seems like nothing at all to him. I don't mind change, but I have to be the one to instigate it, or at least, be given quite a good period of notice beforehand. 

  • I have a customer who has become one of my few friends, he rang me last weekend and offered to pay for a complete day out at the NEC Birmingham. Train and everything for the day plus a guest. I totally lost the plot, he offered to send his son with me who is a 34 year old adult, I reverted to my childhood stutter, I found every reason not to go, I’ve only met his son about 3 times, he’s a lovely person. The killer was the the trip would be for the next day. I just couldn’t process it. My friend did pickup on my struggle to answer and knows that I’m autistic. He realised it was one of my struggles and we ended the call still as friends. I had to drive later in the day and got lost about 4 times  on a route that I’ve done 100 times, my wife had to drive back. I think it was the first time that my wife understood how a sudden change can affect me. I should have been grateful for such a nice gift, it totally ruined my day.  Sorry to overshare I’m still trying to accept how different I am and have hidden for 50 plus years.

  • I dunged myself over missing the electricity meter reading. The thing was, my meter is top up. However, I gave a meter reading over the phone last Saturday. 

    I default into panic stations.