Published on 12, July, 2020
To back up my thread on "door handles etc" I need to broach another aspect of the problem - eye contact - what do you do if it doesn't work properly?
But first, a digression on "Social Stories". This psychologist tool has been around for twenty two years, and despite the fact that there seems little statistical evidence that it works, it has become the invariable prop of people supposedly trying to help us.
I've met young adults petrified to ask for help because instead of getting help, the potty person they have to go and see gets out the big plastic folder with all those story lines you can practically memorise, and boringly works through the stories to see if they help analyse a vaguely similar problem. It seems that NTs think all they need to do to help is remind us we are not following what other people are thinking. WOW
Although I'm at the able end of Aspergers, eye contact is a real nightmare - and no doubt most people can tell similar stories, though I know some people say they can do it. As a teenager I averted my eyes a lot, but through constant reminders to "pay attention", "look at me when I'm speaking to you!", "stop looking at your tie all the time" - I eventually arrived at some sort of compromise - I look at people's mouths.
It's useless - it really is. I cannot lip read and its often distrracting and off-putting, but it gets me out of the "you're not paying attention dilemma"because, it seems, NTs cannot tell that I'm not looking at their whole faces or their eyes.
Since diagnosis I've tried to do eye contact more effectively but it really doesn't help, and if I'm stressed or tired my eyes just go all over the place, making things worse.
The point of all this is - I'm not reading faces properly. I cannot read eyes properly - I cannot register if someone's eyes are cast up, down, left, right or dilated. I miss a lot of facial expressions. And I know my eyes and facial expression are not helping. So what would be the point of me going through a folder of Social Stories situations?
Great - remind me I've got a disability. Remind me that it is something I cannot do. But otherwise what is the point of Social Stories (other than a crutch for unimaginative health workers)?
Besides direction of eyes and dilation, the eyes convey agreement or dissent. They substitute for physically nodding. Someone on the spectrum could be better guided to make more use of nodding left-right or up-down to convey no and yes - NTs understand this.
If people on the spectrum cannot use facial expression properly, why not teach them to punctuate sentences with the information - "I'm joking", I'm being serious here", I'm being sarcastic of course" - NTs will understand this and may be able to help someone on the spectrum by adding such asides into their own conversation.
But why any serious scientist, given the lack of statistical evidence for success, should think Social Stories helps people on the spectrum...... I despair.
But please, some views on this...... I'm always concerned my able-end perspective is not representative.
Social stories are useful as a guide on how to behave in specific situations, but they are useless in situations where you are *unable* to pay attention, or simultaneously think and act, either through attention issues or sensory issues etc.
I think better not looking at the person. In fact if sometimes I just can't concentrate or follow someone if I am looking at them.
It is often expected that you look at the persons face so I do it.
Sometimes though I start thinking about looking at eyes/faces and then I can't work out what I would be doing naturally.
I want the 'benefits' of being able to socialise (getting imformation in a shop) without actually socialising. (I love the net )
Looking at people in the eyes or face, rises my heartbeat, I get light-headed, stress, panic and anxiety. I sometimes think, if I was breastfed as a baby, got to look in my mothers eyes and felt her heartbeat as a baby, the eye contact problem and heartbeat rising would not be as bad as I would have been made calmer as a baby.
I like the backwards social story, were you give yourself an end story and work backwards going forward to complete the story. Imagine you have cut the grass, then cut the grass. Bring the future present into the past
I find Social Stories incredibly patronising. My mum wrote me a couple, and she tried breaking the rules slightly to make them suit me better, but they're just awful. To be fair I think they've become distorted since they were originally invented, but I doubt they'd be much more use in their original form.
Last year I was asked to review a book - Social Fortune or Social Fate? The concept was quite interesting, it basically featured three teenagers in different social situations, and in one half of the book they made the right choices and in the other half they made the wrong choices, but the problem with it I think was that it tried to simplify something that can't really be simplified. I know full well what I'm expected to do when someone greets me, for instance, but doing it is something completely different. Also, on a lot of occasions while reading that book I felt the teenagers were behaving better than the adults. And some of the messages that book gave - absolutely disgusting, I can tell you.