Helping me understand myself

Mattyhobs

i was recently diagnosed with autism/ADHD at the age of 53. I to have found it very hard to deal with. I am going through this self reflection of my entire life. I understand but don’t understand some of the things I have said and done throughout my life. I am not the best communicator and I struggle with social ques.

Mattyhobs you communicate well and keep it up!  The more you continue to communicate the less of a weakness it is of yours. Having the courage to come on this website and speaking shows that you can socialize. It might be difficult in person through anxiety. That to you can over come with help in in person settings. 

My struggle has always been social ques and making meaningful relationships with people  I could and still cannot understand where my faults are so I can get better.  At my age I feel it’s to late in the game now to even try.  I have a tendency of fight or flight, and my trust of people is worn thin like the ozone layer.  

I’m am also married with two wonderful boys who have been diagnosed with autism. My wife I feel is sticking around because of the boys,  She is really just tolerating me until they are old enough to take care of them selfs. I in my mind have my bags already packed (flight mode).  I’m not sure what to do or what to say.  

This self diagnosis has changed my thinking on things. It’s almost like pushing a reset button on my life  I don’t want her to be burdened with me and my condition as well as the boys. If I decide to fly I don’t want to leave my boys stranded without a father. I am truly torn  

scooter23

You're already starting to question things and try to understand yourself, such a big, big step and exciting/daunting adventure has begun! I was diagnosed last month aged 39. It explains a lot, is helping me get to know myself more than just be caught-up in survival-mode. I've found that I'm proud to tell people but it's sometimes a lot to put on other people which I have to remember and respect. I'm lucky that my few friends will accept me whatever and it's not just a learning exercise for me but for them as well. I hope with time you and your partner will gain an awareness, understanding and way to communicate. I'm enjoying finding out about other people's experiences as it's a non-liner spectrum where everyone is different but plenty of similarities to help me navigate this new understanding I'm gaining :)

Hi Matty

brilliantly put what you describe is the same for me thank you for the example i feel better that im not on my own

kev

I'm sorry your partner doesn't understand at the moment but give it time, she will learn more and adjust. I remember my dad used to get annoyed with me all the time but eventually he came to terms and accepted. Your partner will as well but it will take a little time. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. You've got this far already.

I think you explained yourself really well.

I'm in a very similar position to you. I too was diagnosed late in life and my partner is also struggling. She says that I'm becoming "more autistic". It's very hurtful when those around us don't seem to understand us.

I've found that sharing resources is often a better way to increasing the level of understanding in others.  Asperger's From The Inside is a really great YouTube channel for both you and your partner to take a look at. You probably won't resonate with everything he says but it's often a good jumping off point.

My partner is neurotypical too and she also finds it hard to understand me. It doesn't matter how clearly I put things or how much I try to explain there's just a gap in her understanding. Be patient with them though and I'm sure she'll start to catch on soon enough. You need to be patient with Neurotypicals, their minds are often clouded with emotional jumble and they find it hard to look at issues objectively. I'm being facetious here obviously but the message is sincere.

Your partner doesn’t understand Autism, so it’s not surprising that she gets a annoyed. With time, she will be able to learn more about you and why you do the things you do. It won’t happen overnight. Just remember, you aren’t winding her up. You are being you.

You could ask for help and guidance from your gp to explain things to you, but mostly, they are I’ll equipped to help. You will start to feel better about things once you begin to understand yourself. Again, it’s a long process. 

Speak to us here, and ask anything. Most of us have seen, heard or experienced it ourselves.

Me to I don't understand myself I'm 50 something. I don't understand why's to lots. I currently get no support. But I joined her to earn more a out my autism and kind a cry out for help too

I'm an excellent writer, myself, but always stutter in conversation.

You made the first step. 

Hi Matty, dont worry about not being good at explaining things. I think we are all like that here. It is very difficult finding out your autistic later in life, I was 33 when I found out a year and a half ago. It changes how we have viewed ourselves our whole lives. At the same time though it makes our whole lives make sense which is a good thing

Hopefully now you have been diagnosed it will make your partner more understanding of you

I find this site is a good place to talk and share experiences and learn about your autism. It has helped me so much. Anything you want to talk about just ask