Feeling Embarrassed When Compared to Others

I'm 26 and started a new job in November which is a job share, I have half an hour of cross over time with my counterpart on a Friday and I always end up feeling ashamed seeing how well she interacts with others and how well liked she is, knowing that I don't chat to the same level she does or laugh along with people. Does anyone else have have anxiety while they watch others interact because they wish they knew the right things to say? 

  • Big apology to the O/P, Jasmine, for diverting your thread, but it's kinda "organic" and hard not to reply. (And for once a thread seems to have gone off on a nice positive tangent.. That's a rare thing on the internet, and perhaps we ought to let it grow!)

    We like games because the rules are clearly defined, and the normies essential advantage, obfuscation/dishonesty is nullified in the context of a "game".

    This is why I keep recommending the book "Games people play" by Eric Berne.

    For a game playing autist, being able to extend into the normie world by using those very skills, seemed like a godsend when I discovered it. Yet after a year or more of slipping it into my posts as much as I dare, I've still had NO FEEDBACK from the community!

    It's not like its hard to find or expensive. It is a bit tough going and I am certain I didn't get all it had to offer, (nothing like it!) but I got enough to become likeable and trustworthy (within my well known limitiations) without having to put on an act. 

    As for fun games for all the family, you must try "Nuclear War" by buffalo games (on ebay usually).

    It's always been a big hit when I get it out. (Now I got old, I gave my copy to my kid!) 

  • If you brought up card games here, I would like to share with you folks a nice experience. My brother Sam has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. In the beginning, it was tricky to find a common language with him. After a while, I noticed he has a particular interest in card games, especially Rummy. Moreover, soon he became very good at it like he had an innate talent. It was hard to find worthy opponents for him during pandemics, so we moved to online Rummy (www.khelplayrummy.com/). I wonder if this preference for card games is common in Asperger's. Any thoughts are welcomed.

  • Being able to interact well with others is overrated.  Being able to do the actual job also matters.

    I will always remember the new member of staff at my local chippy.  She was very friendly and chatty with her colleagues.  She was so busy interacting and being sociable, she forgot to include the fish with my fish and chips.

  • I don't know how many people still play card games, but a personality is a bit like a bridge or rummy hand of playing cards.

    There is some stuff as an aspie that we are rubbish at, and some stuff at which we are really good. I.E. you'll hold some weak cards and some strong cards.

    Learrn to "play" yourself right, and you can beat much more attractive or capable personailities occasionally in contests, and that's as good as anyone manages.

    We aren't disabled, we are merely stranded in a society designed for different sort of people...

  • ah always the case and you always feel they love them more and favour them more.... but then you overhear them one time speaking badly about them behind their backs and they dont really like them. the chatty sociable one that everyone seems to love, no one actually loves them, they only go along with it as a response. was one like that where i work, soon as he leaves everyones like, damn he never shuts up, and saying he gives them a headache and so on lol so the high sociable ones are also failures but other people are not honest to their face about it.

  • I feel like I mask as much as I can just to smile my way through the day, I don't think I can take on any more false personality traits without it driving me to burnout. 

  • Yes, I do.  But you could do as I do and learn from the other colleague.  Hopefully the longer that you are in the job the more confident you will be and the better you will perform.