Published on 12, July, 2020
My family are cross with me as they say that since I was diagnosed I am using my autism as an excuse not to change my behaviour and that am doing things now that I wouldn't have done before and "blaming" it in on my autism.
I don't know how to deal with this information. Do I need to pretend that I am not autistic and go back to masking and hiding who I really am? Do I need to act as if I never got a diagnosis and not mention my autism ever again?
My husband says that he feels like he is the only one expected to change in our relationship because now I am autistic it means that I have an excuse not to have to make any changes.
I really don't know what I am supposed to do this information or what I should do about it!
Has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice on what I should do?
I feel like no-one is willing to accept me as I am and everyone is fed up with me being autsistic!
There are always things we can all change to better ourselves. If I don't seem to be received correctly, I might change how I word a thing - this may sound strange, but oddly, it sometimes helps!
Everyone sounds as though they are running into 'user errors' and without really understanding specifics, I'm not sure what's really going on.
For instance, I might get rid of the 'me' centred autism and say something more along the lines of 'since being diagnosed autistic, it makes complete sense of why these LEDs are creating a low-level on-going stress on my system. Stress is a great way to shorten life-span. I could get a bottle of drugs or we could call an electrician to re-wire the house so I'm not experiencing daily interference focusing and I'm not taxing my liver. It may even help with my work-flow and I might actually be less on edge or more fun to be around." Here's an example of something another can be respectful of regardless of understanding it. If they need proof you can do the research and then expect to just be respected about something which is stressful next time.
I've had issues being dismissed, disregarded or treated with contempt. Who cares if someone I love has anxiety over trying Thyme? I can care about the person regardless of the issue and simply wish to help them feel at ease by cooking their pizza separate without it. That literally is no issue.
The only advice I have is to research and present evidence. OR - follow The Articulate Autistic on Instagram and learn brilliant reasoning responses such as "No, you are not making sense. Perhaps it's this autistic brain I've been diagnosed to be wired with, or your inability to be articulate. But you're using words incorrectly. That sentence could mean 3 things: (and list them)" Or "What exactly are you trying to say. My telepathy skills are lacking (no one needs to bring up atustim here)".
2 of the biggest pitfalls for Neurotypical individuals involve Arrogance or a Lack of Reasoning because they're so used to 'thinking like the masses" or Presumption (which I really loathe). Especially when someone puts their motives into my words.
At best we usually run into sensory over-load, which some NTypicals love because their inner life is really dull, Communication issues because the Autistic Brain uses different lobes and regions to process and has completely different meanings for things, or being interrupted, which is actually terribly rude anyway. It's OK for one person to want to watch a sport. But not to demand everyone else do... just some ideas. Again - not sure what you're running up against.