Being observed

Can definitely relate to this. I perform way better at things when I don't think people are watching but consequently I also I get nervous if I'm alone and don't have that reassurance that someone can put me right if I'm unsure on anything so it's quite a nuisance. It's like some weird mix of needing people but wanting to avoid people. It can be how I feel about socialising, I hate it and don't want to do it but I kinda want people I feel comfortable with just being around and present, maybe occasionally greet me or just tell me about their day without me needing to be talk back (people say I'm a good listener, because all I'll do is listen lol, but given the time to process the conversation by not having to worry about participating people say in the end I even give good advice or insights, I don't know how... Maybe I'm doubting my own abilities, or maybe they're just being nice) I live in a house with my parents and brother, there is normally at least one other person at home so I avoid doing quite a lot of things until they're out the house or very preoccupied (bathing being one of them for example, I find it difficult to find a time when I can do it).

I struggle a lot with phonecalls generally, but the idea of being on the phone whilst other people are around is extra difficult. It's one if the things that's held me back a couple times recently such as trying to get my point across to Universal Credit that I can't attend their location whispering in my bedroom and avoiding saying some things in case someone else overheard. The second one really hurt me though, my dad usually sleeps heavily during the day (works late, heavy sleeper anyway) and I thought my brother was at work (he was working from home that day) so I was slightly optimistic when I was offered a telephone interview for a, what felt like, a dream opportunity for me on that day... As it got closer to the time and I realised my brother wasn't leaving anytime soon so when they called I snuck the call into the dining room and felt like it really hampered my performance in the interview (plus, I think because I used a landline phone and I was a fair distance it may have been what caused an awkward moment where the phone crackled, we couldn't hear each other which threw me off even more). Not that I think I'd have made it to the next stage anyway because I'm terrible on the phone and interviews generally... But I really felt like those circumstances could have contributed to fluffing that opportunity. The job in question was an assistant manager at a charity shop. It sounded a bit ambitious of a role to be applying for with no prior paid work experience under my belt (like, manager sounds senior right?) but having researched the charity more I've come to learn I might have been able to make it work. I volunteered in a charity shop for 4 years and unbeknownst to me not a lot of charity shops let their volunteers do the things I did there, meaning, for 4 years I was like an assistant assistant manager xD (albeit 1 day a week). I tried to get across that I had a hand in everything. From sorting items, tagged items, steamed clothes, cleaned, worked on displays, covered the till at times (the hardest part for me!), researched pricing, did gift aid in the system, did some basic banking tasks once in a while, rotated the back stock, trained new volunteers, basically everything that could be done lol. Meanwhile the shop I applied for has reviews online from volunteers saying they aren't even allowed to touch the till and they mostly just do a bit of sorting, cleaning and other basic tasks. Plus, this shop has a paid full time person out front on the tills so whilst I will still need to do some of that part it wouldn't be a big focus. And being 'assistant' means I have a superior with me to keep me on track. Anyway, huge sidetrack. I missed that opportunity.

When I was younger and in college I used to have a YouTube channel where I did simple voiceover commentary over videogames (scripted, but I never told anyone that) and I would only record the actual commentary part when I visited my nans (she lives very close by to me and I'd visit often, some of the only times I'd leave the house) and is the only person I've ever felt comfortable enough doing some things around (I even visited her to make a phone call years back to inquire and book my first tattoo somewhere local and super welcoming, I wanted and planned to have more but they closed down and honestly now I couldn't afford it even if I had the confidence to go somewhere else.) The editing I could easily do on my laptop anytime, in my bedroom, headphones in. Even hobbies, playing videogames with my father present and watching has always made harder challenges harder. My mother and brother are a bit less of a problem with that because they're usually really not paying attention at all to what's on the screen.

Presentations and showing my working were problems at school and college. And yes, that even includes just writing your process in Maths on the test papers. I'll do it in my head, or use another sheet that I won't hand in. I'm either right or wrong, I don't want people to see how I got there. Similarly if I made an error I never used to just neatly cross it out, I'd scribble it out entirely. I'm not necessarily scared of being wrong (scribbling out your answer makes that clear enough I did something wrong lol) I guess I don't like too show where or how I went wrong. I don't have much problem with sharing an end product, I have a piece of furniture still standing I made in school that I'm proud of and would love people to see, I won't hide away everything I've done. But while at school making it I only ever really mucked about unless I was in a separate room working on it (which we were, often, because of the lack of workbenches per woodwork classroom).

I think I have more capacity to wing-it and figure out a way to the right answers to problems when I'm not being observed.

Oh and another couple I just realised relate to this... I don't eat when not at home because eating in the presence of others is uncomfortable as is simply crossing the road which leads me to either a) wait there until there's no upcoming cars or b) if I'm familiar enough with the location, take a longer route (or even take laps around the same area) until no upcoming cars. Sometimes I'll cross if the gap is very large between cars or if I happen to arrive as a crossing bleeper goes off. In my town these methods work because it's a quiet town and I can realistically have a no-cars opportunity.

Can definitely relate to this. I perform way better at things when I don't think people are watching but consequently I also I get nervous if I'm alone and don't have that reassurance that someone can put me right if I'm unsure on anything so it's quite a nuisance. It's like some weird mix of needing people but wanting to avoid people. It can be how I feel about socialising, I hate it and don't want to do it but I kinda want people I feel comfortable with just being around and present, maybe occasionally greet me or just tell me about their day without me needing to be talk back (people say I'm a good listener, because all I'll do is listen lol, but given the time to process the conversation by not having to worry about participating people say in the end I even give good advice or insights, I don't know how... Maybe I'm doubting my own abilities, or maybe they're just being nice) I live in a house with my parents and brother, there is normally at least one other person at home so I avoid doing quite a lot of things until they're out the house or very preoccupied (bathing being one of them for example, I find it difficult to find a time when I can do it).

I struggle a lot with phonecalls generally, but the idea of being on the phone whilst other people are around is extra difficult. It's one if the things that's held me back a couple times recently such as trying to get my point across to Universal Credit that I can't attend their location whispering in my bedroom and avoiding saying some things in case someone else overheard. The second one really hurt me though, my dad usually sleeps heavily during the day (works late, heavy sleeper anyway) and I thought my brother was at work (he was working from home that day) so I was slightly optimistic when I was offered a telephone interview for a, what felt like, a dream opportunity for me on that day... As it got closer to the time and I realised my brother wasn't leaving anytime soon so when they called I snuck the call into the dining room and felt like it really hampered my performance in the interview (plus, I think because I used a landline phone and I was a fair distance it may have been what caused an awkward moment where the phone crackled, we couldn't hear each other which threw me off even more). Not that I think I'd have made it to the next stage anyway because I'm terrible on the phone and interviews generally... But I really felt like those circumstances could have contributed to fluffing that opportunity. The job in question was an assistant manager at a charity shop. It sounded a bit ambitious of a role to be applying for with no prior paid work experience under my belt (like, manager sounds senior right?) but having researched the charity more I've come to learn I might have been able to make it work. I volunteered in a charity shop for 4 years and unbeknownst to me not a lot of charity shops let their volunteers do the things I did there, meaning, for 4 years I was like an assistant assistant manager xD (albeit 1 day a week). I tried to get across that I had a hand in everything. From sorting items, tagged items, steamed clothes, cleaned, worked on displays, covered the till at times (the hardest part for me!), researched pricing, did gift aid in the system, did some basic banking tasks once in a while, rotated the back stock, trained new volunteers, basically everything that could be done lol. Meanwhile the shop I applied for has reviews online from volunteers saying they aren't even allowed to touch the till and they mostly just do a bit of sorting, cleaning and other basic tasks. Plus, this shop has a paid full time person out front on the tills so whilst I will still need to do some of that part it wouldn't be a big focus. And being 'assistant' means I have a superior with me to keep me on track. Anyway, huge sidetrack. I missed that opportunity.

When I was younger and in college I used to have a YouTube channel where I did simple voiceover commentary over videogames (scripted, but I never told anyone that) and I would only record the actual commentary part when I visited my nans (she lives very close by to me and I'd visit often, some of the only times I'd leave the house) and is the only person I've ever felt comfortable enough doing some things around (I even visited her to make a phone call years back to inquire and book my first tattoo somewhere local and super welcoming, I wanted and planned to have more but they closed down and honestly now I couldn't afford it even if I had the confidence to go somewhere else.) The editing I could easily do on my laptop anytime, in my bedroom, headphones in. Even hobbies, playing videogames with my father present and watching has always made harder challenges harder. My mother and brother are a bit less of a problem with that because they're usually really not paying attention at all to what's on the screen.

Presentations and showing my working were problems at school and college. And yes, that even includes just writing your process in Maths on the test papers. I'll do it in my head, or use another sheet that I won't hand in. I'm either right or wrong, I don't want people to see how I got there. Similarly if I made an error I never used to just neatly cross it out, I'd scribble it out entirely. I'm not necessarily scared of being wrong (scribbling out your answer makes that clear enough I did something wrong lol) I guess I don't like too show where or how I went wrong. I don't have much problem with sharing an end product, I have a piece of furniture still standing I made in school that I'm proud of and would love people to see, I won't hide away everything I've done. But while at school making it I only ever really mucked about unless I was in a separate room working on it (which we were, often, because of the lack of workbenches per woodwork classroom).

I think I have more capacity to wing-it and figure out a way to the right answers to problems when I'm not being observed.

Oh and another couple I just realised relate to this... I don't eat when not at home because eating in the presence of others is uncomfortable as is simply crossing the road which leads me to either a) wait there until there's no upcoming cars or b) if I'm familiar enough with the location, take a longer route (or even take laps around the same area) until no upcoming cars. Sometimes I'll cross if the gap is very large between cars or if I happen to arrive as a crossing bleeper goes off. In my town these methods work because it's a quiet town and I can realistically have a no-cars opportunity.

I struggle to use the phone in front of people and hate using even my own toilet if guests are around. I also try to do things quietly and not sure why as most (not all) noises don’t bother me too much