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GP Referral and Meltdowns.

Roy

I had my first meeting this morning with my GP, I took the advice that some of you gave me and have been making notes of all the things that affect me.

I think I blurted out 50 years of my issues in about 10 minutes. I was so scared of being disbelieved. The result was that he  told me that he believed my issues were of genuine concern and I need an urgent assessment, he gave me an AQ10 test to takeaway. I told him I did one online and scored 9 but I’ve got to do another to give him more ammunition on record.
someone actually believes me

I actually sat in the car and cried, I’ve not been mad for 50 years. It’s like a big weight has been lifted. I know it’s only the start, but it’s a start.

I told him about my last meltdown, I very rarely go in that direction. I normally shut down and become non verbal.

when I do have a meltdown it’s as if my brain is going faster and faster and won’t let me rest, if you can imagine sheets of binary or life that get faster, a rage that is like nothing else I can describe then joins in. I try to kill it sometimes with alcohol but on the last occasion it worsened it. I normally then pass out for a few hours and then wake up very tearful and anxious.

I then have to rest for about 2 days as I’m totally exhausted. Is this the same for anyone else?

  • No, but I know how you feel. It can be so much of a relief to have someone actually believe you when you explain what you have been going through...

  • Meltdowns and shutdowns tend to be automatic and difficult to control, which explains why your brain seem to go faster and faster and not let you rest.  All that brain activity is draining so you do need to recover afterwards.

    After several nasty meltdowns with my last partner I worked on reducing my anger and then I started to shutdown instead.

  • Hi,

    Do you have a list of the things you made notes on? Like a list of headings? Or do you have the link to the post where you were given advice about taking notes? Like you I've done all the online tests both now and in my teens and scored highly. I've never really felt I needed a diagnosis before (and my parents were super anti-labels, so shut me down on it pretty quickly), but I've been in my first proper job for 3 months now and I'm really struggling. Not sure there's much help I can get really, but I feel like some confirmation on the diagnosis might help me feel more confident to talk to my line manager about the things I'm struggling with.

    Anyway, yeah, so I'm thinking writing some notes might be my first step, before going to the GP...

    Any advice is appreciated!

    Thanks!

  • I'm so glad you've found some relief from seeing your GP.  Hearing that first person tell you they believe you is such a good feeling, isn't it?!

    Like you, I tend to shut down more often, but when I do melt down, it's definitely exhausting and all I want to do afterwards is rest.

  • You aren't mad.  And yes, I relate to a lot of that.  The experience of melt down can be different for each of us and might depend on the circumstance, but there are certainly features there in common with mine.

    I too am much more inclined to shut down.  In shut down, for me the brain isn't there.  It's paralysed by fear.  I can't take in much or anything said to me and can't respond. Sometimes, I am physically paralysed and can't be moved. Often just one detail will sear itself into the brain and nothing else is remembered.

    Meltdown, yeah! I get more and more panicked until there are behaviours emerging which are not what I want and nothing I can control.  There's a lot of rhythmic movement sometimes. A lot of self harm.  Again, it's like the conscious brain isn't there.  The awareness of my surroundings is minimal and highly articulate as I am, the power of speech, or at least the ability to make any sense seems to leave me.  Again, often my memory is sketchy afterward and yes, the exhaustion afterward will lay me flat for hours, even days.  But it's like sleep will re-set the balance some how.

    While you wait for an assessment, it's important to realise that whilst shut down and melt down can't be stopped once started, you can learn what triggers them.  Once you know that you have some choices.  There are situations you can avoid.  Or situations where you can ask ahead for some adjustment to be made so they don't trigger.  Sometimes (not all the time) you can kind of feel it coming and at least get out of there to somewhere safe. 

    Before I realised I was autistic, I thought I was bonkers too.  Everyone around me thought I was mad or bad, including mental health services.  But, I am neither.  So, most of all, know you aren't mad and you aren't bad.