• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 5088 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Birthday Presents

JT

So recently a bunch of my school friends (we are in a chat group together) decided to celebrate each person's 40th Birthday by putting money together to buy a big gift for each person – they are all dotted around the world so it was a collection to post something to each person sort of thing. I decided not to put money in because I find it strange that people celebrate the day they happened to be born, and also, I like to buy gifts myself rather than do some shared thing if I do ever buy a present.

Long story short, one of my friends got really annoyed and has stopped responding to me. I've asked him why but he doesn't respond anymore. I realise birthdays are important to NT people but am I the only person who thinks it strange to buy someone something for a day they happened to be born on? ...and what should I do to remedy this situation now?

  • Celebrating birthdays is a great way to show someone you care, but it's understandable that you don't feel the same way about it.

  • I understand. But at the same time maybe they need some empathy. and that NT's need that comfort of birthdays some ATs do too. I do. It is polite to do. But if your broke then it is best for you to keep your money. 

    It is a special need of NT's and it is nice to support their special needs in that way. But the fact that they are dotted around the world means that the birthday person might not even get their gift and you have to be careful that someone is not untrustworthy with what could be a large sum of money. 

  • in reply to NAS84473

    Ok i can unsedstand when kids get excited and want to do something special, but adults   ???????

    I have a brother-in-law, every year he has a day off work when it's his birthday.  Why he's a grown man !!

  • Giving birthday gifts is a tradition that has been around for a long time. I always give birthday gifts to my friends, and I do it to emphasize that they are important to me. The main value of a gift is the attention from another person. In February, it will be my friend's birthday and I have already ordered a custom bobblehead [link removed by moderator]. I always prepare gifts in advance. I am always amazed by people who buy gifts just hours before they give them.

  • Hello,

    I hope you don't mind me replying to this thread.

    I am currently waiting for my assessment (been referred to the Adult Autism unit).

    I am with Echo on this - I really enjoy finding gifts for people for their birthdays etc. What I don't like are parties themselves, especially if I am not aware of balloons being used (they are one of my biggest phobias - along with fireworks and hospital needles). 

    Most of my family and friends are fully aware that I am scared of them and they do make sure that there are no balloons being used at their events. 

    I only buy small things for my friends and family as they know that I don't earn very much in my job. When I receive gifts myself, most of my family are aware of what I like - although sometimes my aunt will buy me stuff that I don't like, but what I do then is to either boot sale it or put it in the raffle for my Mum's theatre group.

    Hope this is OK to post here Slight smile

    Mweekie xx

  • I give birthday cards and the occasional present to family members and that's it!

    I get very little in return, not surprising.

    However, I have never celebrated my birthday.  In fact I've never had a birthday party or other celebration in my honour.  Never! Not even a single party as an adult or child.

    So I find all this talk of parties and birthday presents very NT.

  • in reply to JT

    it's completely up to you if you want to tell him but simply explaining how you view it would also be okay if you don't want to say you're ND

  • in reply to DiffidAnt

    Agreed! We have a rule, never send cards, because once you start you can never stop!! Waste pf the planet's resources

  • I'm in complete agreement with you, JT. It's something that I don't know how to explain to people, because it would involve going through my attitude towards many other things, so I just end up going along with events most of the time. My birthday usually involves doing things that I don't want to do. It's difficult, because I don't mind giving someone else a present if it's meaningful to them, but then most people feel obliged to reciprocate.

    And can I briefly mention how much I dislike the greetings card industry?

  • Thank you for the response. Yeah I famously (within my family) never do anything for my birthday. As a child I would run a mile if I got a sniff there was to be some sort of party or surprise I might be involved in. Now I'm an adult I find it even less logical to celebrate. When someone has a baby, gets a new job, or gets married I understand celebrating. But just doing a regimented celebration each year leaves me cold. Thanks for the advice, I think that makes sense. But I'm afraid he wont understand unless I'm willing to tell him I'm ND (I haven't yet told anyone)

  • i completely can see your opinion. i never do anything for my birthday either because i find it odd and just simply stressful because of the pressure to do stuff and enjoy it you know. 

    i think you should explain to your NT friend your opinion and explain you never meant to hurt their feelings