Has anyone got any tips on how to better accept criticism? I am terrible, as my wife will attest but now I know the reason why I find it so hard, is there anything I can do about it?
Has anyone got any tips on how to better accept criticism? I am terrible, as my wife will attest but now I know the reason why I find it so hard, is there anything I can do about it?
I think communication is often in how a message is received rather than the intent. However some people are generally critical by nature (like my neighbour) I think sometimes it's about weighing up if the criticism is worth bothering about. For instance if it's something at work, that is probably important and factual but if it's a comment about my garden, that's just opinion.
The difficulty is when it comes from my partner. I have a habit of taking things the wrong way or becoming defensive or turning it back on him. But hopefully I am learning to handle it better!
that's a great resource thanks for posting.
Thanks out_of_step I have printed out a couple of bits and I will see if it helps.
I'm terrible with criticism and take it very personally. I can get quite defensive. I came across this and found it quite useful.
Take it it as meant if it's actually constructive. But if it's insulting or demeaning? Don't be afraid to say so. When you get right down to it, it's your decision. But letting someone know that what they are saying is unacceptable and insulting cannot be wrong. Just be careful how you explain that-I've had very bad reactions from people with very different opinions.
If you think it's not worth it? Just ignore it and look like it matters to you. Sometimes, that's all you can do.
instant anger reaction.
it's not a good way to go, poisons your soul
I think now I know why I find it so hard I think I can try and work on how I take it as long as it is constructive. It's learning to pause first before giving an answer and trying to stop the instant anger reaction.
Thank you for all your comments, it makes an interesting read when all of this is novel.
Its about emotional maturity - choosing a better response to things that happen to us, rather than going for the automatic response you've had since childhood.
I've kept developing in terms of skills and experience for work/home/life, but not in terms of emotions as criticism hurt and accumulated as I wasn't dealing with it.
If you view criticism (and challenges) as something positive, something to learn from, then that will help develop a better response.
there is few kinds of criticism, which one is your case?
some of them are used by people to manipulate others, undermining everything they say
sometimes it is all in our heads, because someone speaking did not intend any hidden meaning and we thought there is criticism,
intricasis of english language and many meanings, non-autistic often choose the offensive meaning of questioning and I was trying to pass the other one, it eludes me still, because when I go to being offensive I use different words.
if there is just meaning you did it wrong and nothing proposed about how to improve, then what is the point of such critism other than to demean a person.
Yes, I think the first question is: is the criticism warranted? That takes some time to work out and requires being really honest with yourself. If it is warranted then the person is offering you a gift; something that perhaps you can change or at least be mindful of in future.
If you think it isn't warranted - ignore it, but do remember the other person is entitled to their view even if you don't agree.
But do take care. Some criticism is not only not warranted but intended to manipulate you or purposefully make you feel inadequate. It's bullying.
Telling the difference between these scenarios is the first hard part, especially as requires being sure of the other person's motive.
Managing the emotional response to it, whatever the intention of the other person, is second hard part.
I only wish I had some magic answers to both these questions.
It depends what you mean by better accept. Do you mean you get angry? or feel hurt? or deny it? or whatever else.
Most people get defensive when criticised (who me? kind of thing) but if you feel extreme feelings then its definitely something work o - try just seeing criticism as advice, something to learn from, and something to respectfully challenge if you think its harsh/wrong.
Next time you get some criticism, just think of it as friendly advice rather than a harsh attack. Its either something to learn from, or something to defend yourself from - they may actually be harsh/unfair/wrong, so let it bounce off. Don't dwell either, move on having decided what your response is.
Yeah I can do that but it's the initial reaction that I really have trouble with.
I see the related threads now on the right (still getting used to this board) and they have some interesting points. Note to self to check if the question has been asked before (it probably has).
