Published on 12, July, 2020
Has anyone ever tried to subtly suggest something to people without saying it outright?
I’m always really conscious of what other people are trying to say, and trying to pick up on subtext. And I really worry that I’m going to miss it and take something on face value that wasn’t meant that way.
But when I try, and perhaps I’m not doing it right, they never seem to read between the lines at all. If I say it outright then I’m accused of being too blunt, rude or confrontational, but if I try and hint around it then no one seems to pick up on it at all. I’m not sure if I’m just being too subtle or whether people don’t bother if its not in their own interests.
Any ideas?
From what I understand, the inability to communicate is why our brain type has been classified as Autistic.
I took acting classes when younger and learned how to use different tools/skills when articulating. That only helped some. Then I learned a human default is to take offence. Then to flatten it to relay how a thing made me feel, or use the word feel to communicate perception. Then to work how how to want to be received. How would I want someone to tell me a thing or a truth. Then how to express kindness and articulate a symmetry between the more fundamental core truths (everyone is worthwhile including me, everyone wants to feel included, etc.) then practical ways of using a little humour to deal with difficult matters… I could go on.
Before I worked out the completely different brain types I used to write poetry about all this misunderstanding, including not being telepathic or reading between lines. It’s a marker of the difference. Not better just different. The problem is, NTs are so used to being “read” or understood, they don’t realise some individuals spend their whole lives not ever feeling this. It’s hard to understand someone I don’t experience. Sigh.
Now I’m older, when it matters, I just make the suggestion. I try (and don’t always succeed) to use the word “and” instead of but. “I hear you, and also how about we try X instead”. Or “I love how in the moment you are- it’s so you! And I might need some alone time today:)”.
of course I’m not sure what your specifically trying to suggest, just running with the thinking around all of this!