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Late in life discovery of possible diagnosis, and effect on social anxiety?

Shadweller

Anyone else with social anxiety, diagnosed with Autism later in life / well into adulthood? What effect has the diagnosis had on your social anxiety?

I am 50 years old, and am currently on a waiting list for an official diagnosis. Since self-diagnosing a few months ago, I kind of feel liberated in some ways. Maybe it's because my difficulties suddenly make sense at long last. I can finally explain myself to myself. This is definitely helping my self-confidence.

Unfortunately I have long since developed a deeply ingrained social anxiety, but I think that I can feel that it is beginning to fall away, in some settings at least. It seems to me that due to my new understanding, my confidence is growing when out and about running errands etc, and my crippling self-consciousness is reducing. However, I am still in a bit of a bind, as I seem to be the sort of person that by nature, does care about the opinion of others. If I could just shrug everything off, like water off a ducks back, then life would be so much easier.

I have begun to process things in terms of "those people that are judging me negatively, just do not understand the causes of why I do the things that I do, in the way that I do them" and can feel that working through these sorts of scenarios is going to help. To what extent this will continue to help in the future, I don't yet know.

I was hoping to be able to access some kind of therapeutic support, presuming I do get a positive diagnosis, but from what I've heard so far, specialist provision for post diagnosis adults seems to be non-existent.

The standard advice which I have encountered so far, regarding what to do to help yourself overcome difficulties seems to be the exact opposite for Autism as it is for CBT for social anxiety. For example, I have seen Autism advice along the lines of 'avoid situations which you know you will find difficult and challenging', whereas for CBT for social anxiety, the advice seems to be to 'gradually expose yourself to the anxiety provoking situations, and the anxiety will eventually subside' (providing you have become aware of your safety behaviours and have successfully dropped them - so the theory seems to go)

Is there anyone out there who can relate to any of this?

Parents

  • I was diagnosed with social anxiety at about age 40. I was told I was by my GP so was referred for 1-1 CBT. I think it helped a bit, as I learnt a few stock phrases to use, and a few tips. I was asked to go back months later for a group CBT course. Not many turned up, but I do realise we shared similar traits, but I didn’t fit in. They blushed, shook or sweated, and craved too be normal and go out with friends. I was the opposite. However, I’ve only realised this over the last few years. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

    The word judge popped up a lot during treatment. I guess I did feel judged,  because I saw myself as different and odd compared to others. I knew I was different, I couldn’t ever fit in, but didn’t know why. I was judging myself based on my thoughts, and how I thought others saw me. This is similar ro Social anxiety…maybe I do have it as well. That’s possible.

    I functioned better after I took more risks, yet still felt the same inside, and never felt comfortable socialising. Still couldn’t string a sentence together after the initial stock phrases. Preferred to stay home, and keep myself to myself. I don’t like socialising, it’s too much effort and brings me no joy. Trying to follow a conversation while having a meal with multiple guests in a restaurant is murder on so many levels, for example.

    I think the key is to simply realise and be happy with what you like and don’t like. Don’t feel bad about refusing invitations. Don’t be annoyed with yourself when you can’t do something, or say the wrong thing. The more you know yourself, the less the ASD and SA affects you, if you know what I mean? Exposure and things like that might make you get used to these sorts of situations,  but you will still probably prefer not to do them unless you have too.

    My assessment process starts next month. 

  • in reply to Catlover

    Social anxiety is a fear of being judged/rejected in social situations, whereas autism tends to cause difficulties in communication or social interactions.  They are different things.  You will know if you have social anxiety if you have thoughts about being judged/rejected/mocked when you think about social situations, and when you are in them.  With autism, you may be fine being there but just not able to speak effectively, or engage, or know when its the right time to speak, or you only talk about yourself or your interests.  Its possible to have both, so worth considering.

    You can overcome social anxiety by exposure therapy - putting yourself in social situations and learn not to care what people think.  With autism, its not a fear to overcome - its communication difficulties that you either have to live with, or try and improve if you can.

    I prefer not to socialise, but I don't avoid it at all costs - I've done it many times, its awkward, I don't even mind being detached and just listening, but normal people usually let you know that's not acceptable.

  • in reply to turmoil

    There is a definite connection between autism and social anxiety for some, or many, autistics. This is because the difficulties that autism causes in being able to read unspoken communications - facial expression, body language, tone of voice and gestures - and express them appropriately in return, heighten social uncertainty and therefore anxiety. For many autistics, their autism is a causal factor in social anxiety.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I'm sure that is true. But in my case, and I imagine there are others like me, it's when the masking is ineffective, and then the consequences of this, that has often caused problems for me. Consequences like offending other people without meaning to, or just appearing "off" in some way.....

    In a way it's a luxury to be able to mask effectively, that means you have reached a certain level of proficiency. There are those of us that haven't reached that level. Not at all times, across all situations, certainly not. Maybe for some situations and scenarios.

Reply
  • in reply to Deleted User

    I'm sure that is true. But in my case, and I imagine there are others like me, it's when the masking is ineffective, and then the consequences of this, that has often caused problems for me. Consequences like offending other people without meaning to, or just appearing "off" in some way.....

    In a way it's a luxury to be able to mask effectively, that means you have reached a certain level of proficiency. There are those of us that haven't reached that level. Not at all times, across all situations, certainly not. Maybe for some situations and scenarios.

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