Late in life discovery of possible diagnosis, and effect on social anxiety?

I have autism +dd and anxiety has always been at the top of my list.Which lead to me becoming incontinent.

I'm sure that is true. But in my case, and I imagine there are others like me, it's when the masking is ineffective, and then the consequences of this, that has often caused problems for me. Consequences like offending other people without meaning to, or just appearing "off" in some way.....

In a way it's a luxury to be able to mask effectively, that means you have reached a certain level of proficiency. There are those of us that haven't reached that level. Not at all times, across all situations, certainly not. Maybe for some situations and scenarios.

Shadweller said:

it can be possible to learn ways of adapting behaviours to be more successful and to camouflage / blend in / fit in / mask more skilfully

For a lot of people, effective masking is what contributes toward incredible anxiety. 

And the specific Autism symptoms that can end up at least contributing to the development of social anxiety can vary from person to person. Personally I have no problem reading peoples facial expressions and tone of voice etc, but I do have trouble reading those things, whilst also concentrating on what the person is saying, and maintaining eye contact, and thinking of anything to say in reply, all at the same time. Let alone managing to think of anything interesting or imaginative to say. It can be impossible for me, it often is.

Not being on the same wavelength, or not having the same interests, difficulty with large crowds and noisy busy places, I could list dozens of other autism traits that could contribute to developing social anxiety. Tending to not be fully present due to a dominant and pressing, loud and insistent, busy internal monologue (ive only recently found out this is an Autism thing, and it is so me - involuntarily drifting away in a world of my own thoughts when in a public place, so much that momentarily unaware of other people, just the same as when alone, has often caused me issues, and when you don't understand why people are mocking you its no wonder anxiety can develop.  I finally do get this one now. Now that I get it, I care less about other peoples reactions to my behaviours.. I'm going to be thinking of ways of doing behavioural experiments on this such as my CBT therapist suggested.

 I feel so strongly that understanding the cause of my difficulties is going to help me to come to terms with everything. Now that I can finally understand why I'm getting all these strange looks, negative reactions and comments, or even verbal abuse,  this is going to help far more than all the CBT in the world ever could. I now understand why "they" (neuro-typicals) do not understand me - it's probably just the way my cluster of Autism traits comes out in my behaviours.

If I think about it some more, these problem behaviours often happen whenever I am pushed beyond my current comfort zones. Anything within my comfort zones and i don't exhibit any of these behaviours. (Apart from the being dominated by my thoughts in my head - this one happens across the board, with no relation to comfort zones) But when pushed beyond, I do, and become at the mercy of other people to a large extent. Non-conforming / incomprehensible behaviour is not looked upon favourably.

Amongst the general public, there seems to be zero awareness of autism and how it can manifest amongst people that may be classed as high functioning, in as much as they can hold down jobs and look after themselves, but never the less they can find certain social situations challenging. Or they can struggle to act in line with expected social norms.

Maybe with a reduction of anxiety it can be possible to learn ways of adapting behaviours to be more successful and to camouflage / blend in / fit in / mask more skilfully. It doesn't come naturally though, and has to be learnt or taught, or analysed and dissected and then implemented. At least in my case.

I keep hearing that we are all just as unique as NTs. So just as no 2 NTs are the same, no 2 Autists are going to be affected in exactly the same way. There must be some clusters of symptoms and problems that some people out there can identify with more though surely.

There is a definite connection between autism and social anxiety for some, or many, autistics. This is because the difficulties that autism causes in being able to read unspoken communications - facial expression, body language, tone of voice and gestures - and express them appropriately in return, heighten social uncertainty and therefore anxiety. For many autistics, their autism is a causal factor in social anxiety.

Social anxiety is a fear of being judged/rejected in social situations, whereas autism tends to cause difficulties in communication or social interactions.  They are different things.  You will know if you have social anxiety if you have thoughts about being judged/rejected/mocked when you think about social situations, and when you are in them.  With autism, you may be fine being there but just not able to speak effectively, or engage, or know when its the right time to speak, or you only talk about yourself or your interests.  Its possible to have both, so worth considering.

You can overcome social anxiety by exposure therapy - putting yourself in social situations and learn not to care what people think.  With autism, its not a fear to overcome - its communication difficulties that you either have to live with, or try and improve if you can.

I prefer not to socialise, but I don't avoid it at all costs - I've done it many times, its awkward, I don't even mind being detached and just listening, but normal people usually let you know that's not acceptable.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety at about age 40. I was told I was by my GP so was referred for 1-1 CBT. I think it helped a bit, as I learnt a few stock phrases to use, and a few tips. I was asked to go back months later for a group CBT course. Not many turned up, but I do realise we shared similar traits, but I didn’t fit in. They blushed, shook or sweated, and craved too be normal and go out with friends. I was the opposite. However, I’ve only realised this over the last few years. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

The word judge popped up a lot during treatment. I guess I did feel judged,  because I saw myself as different and odd compared to others. I knew I was different, I couldn’t ever fit in, but didn’t know why. I was judging myself based on my thoughts, and how I thought others saw me. This is similar ro Social anxiety…maybe I do have it as well. That’s possible.

I functioned better after I took more risks, yet still felt the same inside, and never felt comfortable socialising. Still couldn’t string a sentence together after the initial stock phrases. Preferred to stay home, and keep myself to myself. I don’t like socialising, it’s too much effort and brings me no joy. Trying to follow a conversation while having a meal with multiple guests in a restaurant is murder on so many levels, for example.

I think the key is to simply realise and be happy with what you like and don’t like. Don’t feel bad about refusing invitations. Don’t be annoyed with yourself when you can’t do something, or say the wrong thing. The more you know yourself, the less the ASD and SA affects you, if you know what I mean? Exposure and things like that might make you get used to these sorts of situations,  but you will still probably prefer not to do them unless you have too.

My assessment process starts next month. 

I am awaiting full assessment, but have self-diagnosed ASC/ADHD and as an allied health professional (AHP) working in mental health (MH) often with people with ASC (diagnosed or undiagnosed), I think I'm most likely right in my self-diagnosis. I came to the realisation after being diagnosed with a personality disorder, which was shocking and from watching my children struggle with being neurodivergent too. I'm assigned female at birth but gender non-conforming.

I have always struggled with self-consciousness and to a greater or lesser degree social anxiety, but at times I have been able to facilitate groups and do public speaking. When I was younger I knew I was different, but had a "zero fucks given" attitude and didn't realise I was neurodivergent, but this was before neurodivergence was a widely known term.

I spent much of my earlier life rejecting mainstream society and consciously living on the margins. However, when I decided to train as an AHP in my 40s I began to experience terrible social anxiety. All of a sudden it really mattered that I couldn't successfully and seamlessly do all the social stuff that others do in professional life and trying to do it was unbelievably tiring.

For me, I think because I can be very outspoken about what I believe to be right, though I have learned all the social rules about tact and being mindful of others, once I have the diagnosis I think I will be telling people I am autistic at the outset. I think that will reduce my social anxiety, though I'm aware that stigma still exists and others won't neccessarily be more tolerant or understanding just because I have declared my identity. I spend so much time these days ruminating about my faux pas and berating myself for it, when many of them are very minor, that I'm really hoping that the declaration of my identity will liberate me from that a bit and get me back to the "zero fucks given" person I used to be at least a bit.

I was first diagnosed with social anxiety, at about 30, because of the social difficulties that I've had since childhood.  I didn't get any therapy for that and just told to try and have conversations with everyday people when I might normally avoid it.  But I've done that in the past and it didn't get better.  I can usually say hello, how are you, but then I lock-up and its painful/awkward.  As I had other issues I later got diagnosed at 42 with autism.  I am a typical autistic, can go on about my interests, or opinions, but don't do small talk unless I know someone well.

I felt better once diagnosed, and worked on things but the social anxiety is still the same - it may be selective mutism, I can't be sure, the treatment is much the same though.  I might have to pay for therapy for it.

People can overcome social anxiety by using CBT or other techniques, but someone with autism may find it really difficult to change how they think/feel, or become really distressed in social situations, so the advice might be to avoid it.

I think when you try to fit in, and try in socisl situations but still don't feel you fully get it, that woukd probably affect self esteem.  I've rarely ducked out of social events, so faced my fears time and again, but it doesn't seem to get easier.

I've been invited to a Christmas staff do this year with new colleagues.  I've said I want to go. I really want to but I just think it'll be too overwhelming for me. Now I have my diagnosis,  I can be kinder to myself and if I know it'll be hard I know I don't have to put myself through it. 

I was dignosed with ASC, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia in February at 59 years-of-age. My diagnosis helped my traits make sense to me, but what I was prescribed for the anxiety (Sertraline) triggered horrendous daily migraines, and stopped taking it after 10 days. As a result I have not benefitted from the diagnosis, other than in self-knowledge. Like many autistics, I do not enjoy visiting the GP, so I have not pursued any alternatives. As during the rest of my life, I avoid social situations if I can, if not, I cope with them, then have to take time-out to recover.