Working out where autism stops and anger issues start

Along with a great deal of other movements. People see what they want to see these days, I've found. They pick the oddest things to focus their attention on sometimes, I think.

The basic idea of Men Going Their Own Way, is a counterpoint to Militant Feminism, and whilst there may be white spuremacist and alt-right elements as well as incel and other popular "targets of hatred", there are also many shell shocked old fashioned masculine men who were trained at an early age to measure masculinity and their roles in society in very different terms to those that now prevail, looking for soccour in a world that vehmently rejects them and their "outdated" values.. 

It takes all sorts to make a world, not just the people we would prefer to associate with. 

Being associated with the right wing now, is like being unvaccinated, it motivates people to invalidate such accused people, in just the way that you are trying to invalidate an entire unconnected movement (MGTOW) which is based around masculinity, not politics or racism. Throwing out the trigger worlds to make people react is what our psychopathically normie "leaders" are always doing, we should try and be a bit better.

"Mars Attacks" is supposed to be a silly film, not a blueprint for life as so many seem to think... Left, Right, Left, Right,

Don't people ever get tired of marching to someone else's tune? Don't you want to just skip or dance or even fly for a change?

Like other manosphere communities, MGTOW overlaps with the alt-right and white supremacist movements

Well, he was expressing his own pain. 

I couldn't tell a story for Jack. Poetry is how I express myself in writing. I tried Flash Fiction, and got little joy out of that. 

At the moment, I don't have much muse. But it comes in a flash. 

1984 was definitely not his best work. The volumes of essays and columns he wrote were extraordinary. He did what he could to expose overlooked humans trapped or marginalised by society.

I’m autistic and I tend to do the same when I’m very anxious about something. Firstly it’s very normal for autistic people to get over arguments instantly, it’s actually one of the most prominent symptoms. My advice is although it can be hard, when he starts getting angry try talking to him calmly to figure out what might be causing him stress, if this doesn’t work you should try to ignore him until he calms down. Try to avoid leaving the house entirely because this can feel very abandoning to an autistic person, just try to let him know that you’re there for him without escalating the argument. Usually when an autistic person gets mean and angry it’s because they need comforting so try not to take it personally. Regarding what you said about doing chores making it worse, it is possible that taking away his routine could be stirring the autism anger up even more, maybe try offering him help with his usual chores but don’t do them unless he wants you to. Just make sure you let him know that you’re there to help him through his emotions but at the same time you can’t handle his behaviour towards you forever, your well being and happiness should be your priority

I'm trying to go my own way, too; I had to use DuckDuckGo to learn what MGTOW was.

Throughout the first forty years of my life; I rode pillion. That made me a Wallflower. Now, I'm beginning to advocate for myself.

This is a basic being nice to each other problem that has tainted all of my longer relationships, and with which I am actively dealing and have been for about two years of the 19 years this relationship has lasted.

Initially I made the determination, on my own that I was sick and tired of the shouting, so I started to excercise more control over myself. Rapidly, I came to realise that I was not in fact the sole initiator of the excessively loud disharmony, and actually leaving the relationship and escaping the deeply flawed person I was seemingly saddled with started to look like a viable option. Then I opened my mind to the concept, that it could actually be MY conduct or conversation that was somehow triggering the lunatic outbursts from my partner, so there was yet more I could do to control the situation over time before pulling the yellow and black handle to make a "martin baker departure" into the new world of MGTOW....

About six months after taking this decision my Autism diagnosis became official, and it has been very useful to map out some of the areas where I can now see I will never do well, as well as the areas where I carry a huge advantage over "normal" ways of thinking/acting.. 

I've successfully managed to reduce the frequency, amplitude and duration of the shouting matches pretty much entirely by my own efforts, partly by improving the quality of the experience of living with me, and partly by simply walking away from the more stupid arguments, and making my "helpfulness" dependent on calm reasoning rather than screamed instructions.

The "leadership" I have been developing has translated to an improvement in our quality of life as I measure it. That she spends less time weeping in anger or frustration is a big part of the metric I use.

In short, I got to the point where I needed to walk away, (and plenty of people will emerge when you are thinking that way to support or even encourage your decision) or step up and "get a grip" of our relationship, like I would any other runaway vehicle in which I am an occupant...

It does take two to tango, (or make a relationship work) but someone has to lead the dance.. 

CS Lewis helped preserve Christian Philosophy through his work. There's a statue of him in East Belfast; where he was from.

Chesterton was an English Catholic, and an Icon of Modern Conservatives.

Orwell wrote nineteen-eighty-four after a Major Bout of Depression; after feeling betrayed by the Spanish Republicans he fought with; they ended up embracing Communism.

It's hard being Humanist; in a Misanthropic world. Too many good minds were PsyOped; in one form or another.

Bingo!

I'm the same; quick to yell, but quick to make amends.

Oh goodness... I've been with men like this who weren't on the spectrum. Who just "get it all out and get over it" who were careless and reckless with how they treated and spoke to me. It got much easier to leave them the older I got. 

A relationship should facilitate our ability to be vulnerable with one another. This requires protecting the other even from myself. That is an ethical issue. I make a conscious effort with those I love to invest in them. A conscious effort to not say a thing. This is learned behaviour. If I'm capable of treating others with respect while taking a partner for granted, it might be best I have time out of a thing in order to learn to appreciate it.

Secondly, he could be young and selfish. How can I trust you if I'm making ALL the effort and you're making little. 

I'm autistic. The men I've dated were not. Selfish is a human issue which requires disciplining. There is an art to being loving, an art to being kind. And a fantastic amount of men in history who wrote about it from an analytical and practical perspective: Erich Fromm, George Orwell, Chesterton, C.S. Lewis and so on. 

While I don't value being interrupted, I make certain to use principles of respect towards those I love. I don't value things doing things for me (auto-correct, surprise cakes from friends), so I respectfully inquire with others what they prefer. I don't love it when others assume my motives. No one has telepathy. So I ask, inquire, I take on principles of kind curiosity. I don't work well with sensory overload, I therefore try to understand your limits. 

Respect, Kindness, a lack of Presumption, being mindful of Selfishness... these are traits all humans can work toward. To be fair, Autistic individuals would have a much easier time in society if they were treated with these. But it still does not make it right for me to be a cruel and thoughtless toward you. 

People on the spectrum can struggle to regulate emotions. I think this is possible with adhd too. It could be a combination of several factors (not only AS/ADHD). 

He is able to reflect quickly and does apologise when he's wrong but these outbursts are just becoming more frequent. I'm starting to think that this is more a relationship issue than an autism issue.

I just dont know if it's autism, anxiety, depression, ADHD. Maybe even I'm part of the problem, our relationship may have just run its course. Thank you for your input. 

Hello, Anonymous poster. 

NAS75588 said:

where does Autism stop and start

This is simple to answer. Autism starts at having difficulties understanding what others are thinking or feeling, getting very anxious about social situations and having acute sensitivity to light, sound. Autism starts at the delayed development of social skills during childhood, and autism starts with the presence of restrictive and repetitive behaviours. Autism stops at physical abuse, mental abuse and emotional neglect.

If your partner is abusing you in any way, then you need to take some action and contact an organisation that can support you. Autism does not make people into monsters, abusers, liars, or cheaters. Some monsters, abusers, liars and cheaters are autistic. The same is true for people who are neurotypical. Some monsters, abusers, liars and cheaters are neurotypical. That doesn't mean that all neurotypical people are abusers.   Autists have difficulty with being themselves because they are continually playing catch-up with certain social skills. But the frustration and anger from this is directed at themselves, not at other people.  Autism does not prevent people from knowing the difference between right and wrong, nor does it prevent them from being loving within a loving relationship.

If there are frequent arguments and fights within your relationship, then it is the relationship that is wrong. You may both be nice people with big hearts, but even nice people with big hearts argue and fight will argue and fight if they are in the wrong relationship. My advice is to shift your focus from whether your partner is autistic or not to whether you are are happy in the relationship or not.  If you are, stay. If you are not, then leave—or work out what it is that is wrong in order to stay. If it is the arguments, then you need to make it clear to your partner that if the arguments and fighting continue, then the relationship must come to an end. If he truly does love you and he truly does want to to be in a relationship with you, then he will be able to change his behaviour instantly. 

Life is not complicated. Relationships, despite the fact that so many are problematic, are not complicated. Either you love and respect someone, or you don't. That's it.  You can't argue and fight with someone who you love and respect. Anything less than love hurts both yourself and the other person, and no amount of rationalisation or explanation can change this. 

I hope this answers your question.

That sounds a bit like my husband, though I shut down instead of engage and his "not yelling voice" really sounds like yelling to me.  Hubby was just diagnosed with PTSD and schizoaffective disorder.  He is quick to anger and quick to apologize.  He blames anyone but himself for things, even in his apologies (i.e., I'm sorry you get angry so easily, instead of, I'm sorry for my behavior).  Are all the problems in your partner's life always someone else's fault?  Hubby and I both requested psychological evaluations through our psychiatrist and the evaluations were super helpful, informative, and took a lot of stress off us regarding our mental health.