Really Struggling Socially

There are more adrenalin junky nerds than you might expect although most of them tend to prefer activities that don’t involve teamwork or lots of sweating. Think laser tag, go carting and LARP. Martial arts actually attracts some. Like maybe 2 to 5% of my martial arts class was nerdy. But sports clubs / martial arts etc are very bad generally for socialising unless they have an organised weekly social event attached which most don't. If you have only an informal social it’s more likely to only attract the social butterfly crowed and be a bit clieacy. 

id say look at nerdy groups and look for the adrenaline junkies in that circle.

Thanks Dan 

I hope so as even from a mum's perspective it's really hard to see your child go through all these issues and struggle. I kind of feel helpless.i just want him to be able to cope. But I know it's not that easy. Well you are doing something ...you've made steps by talking and coming on here which is great. I wish my son would do the same . He popped on here but has come off. I have said to him that you say you are lonely want friends and want to be understood but you need to make some steps sadly it's not going to just be given into your hands x

Thank you Ness . I'm hoping that these sorts of new discoveries and opportunities might finally be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope the same can be said for your son.

I was very complacent for a long time, hoping that I would eventually "get over" my difficulties socialising and find my place, but I never have. Even if this sort of thing isn't in your comfort zone, I've not found that I've been left with a lot of choice. Eventually, you have to do something.

Hi Dan 

I completely understand what you mean and where you are coming from. I think it would be good to try and reach out further. It's great you have a good family network and some friends that you have known for a long time. I do think as you get older it gets harder as your friends may be moving on and having relationships. My son is the same and has not really had a proper relationship which he would love. He finds it hard to come out of the comfort zone and he has tried lots of things but can't seem to stick at things. I think it's hard for people to understand how this can affect you but being on here will be good as people will understand.  you are doing the right thing by reaching out to the lovely people on this community. That's the first step. Talking is so important I think. This is something my son struggles to do. I have to really push him. Try take each day at a time .don't put too much pressure on yourself and try out the advice of others. You will get there x 

Hi Ness. Thank you very much for getting in touch .

Yes I am looking for friendship, but this is more than just a friendship issue for me. I have a great family and a very small group of old school friends that I've (somehow) managed to keep going until now. I just find it so hard to trying to keep it all together, and always feel somewhat disconnected from everyone. As well as trying to connect with my current friends and family more, I'd love to make other friends that I really click with and meet a partner (I'm 25, and I've never had a partner, something that really worries and bothers me).

I'm hoping that newly found and confirmed diagnosis might help me to better understand my mind, and help me (at least somewhat) get over this crippling social disconnect and hardship. This is definitely my biggest challenge in life.

Hello . Thank you so much for reaching out.

I wouldn't say my newly found diagnosis in and of itself is a new challenge (it's something that my family and I have suspected for a while). The biggest challenge for me at the moment is dealing with loneliness and social isolation. I feel very isolated and misunderstood, always being the outcast and odd ball of whatever group I'm part of. I just can't seem to find "my people" or form deep connections with people. I feel very shut out from the rest of the world.

Hi Daniel

My son is 20 and has autism and he struggles exactly the same with making  social connections . Are you looking for friendship ? 

Hey Peter. It's something that I've been looking into for years, but I just seem to keep running into the same problems and difficulties.

It's a bit of a long story, so I'll try and keep it brief. I seem to have a bit of a split personality. I'm fascinated by subjects such as: Physics, Artificial Intelligence, Maths, Astronomy, Space Technology, etc. I recently graduated from a distance learning University with a first class honours in BSc Maths. On the other hand, I really enjoy that "MTV's Jackass" style of stupidity in my down time, and am a real adrenaline junkie. Some people seems to fit into one of these categories or the other, most people don't fit into either, and almost no-one fits them both.

The closest thing I found to finding my sort of people was when I used to be in the Air Cadets, and am now trying to join the Army Reserve (although, socially, it's far harder). In the past, I've tried: gymnastics, church, volunteering, outdoor adventure societies, rock climbing, Judo, Kickboxing, Krav Maga, but keep really struggling to click with most people.

I'm trying to take up football as a new hobby, and am looking to do an MSc in the future, but I don't want to just keep making the same mistakes, and continually feel like I'm flogging a dead horse.

I'd love to know what you think .

I mean that sucks but it does also make it more likely something aimed at non students might exist local to you. How’s your Google fu? Have you tried searching to see if there’s something near by?

Start with us, and use us as your trusted group to test new ways. Connect with us, and the jitters of socialising with the broader world might look less daunting. Bounce off struggles and coping mechanisms here, and I'm sure this community would have tested ways to help you get through the unknowns. 

What is your current challenge apart from the newly found diagnosis? 

Hi Peter. Thank you very much for getting in touch. It's an interesting idea, but is unfortunately one that I've already looked into (as I'd only really be able to socialise around my particular interests at university) and not had much luck with. The universities local to me won't let people who aren't students at those universities into their societies.

When I was your age I found student sociaties that aligned with my interests were a good place to make friends. Many of them allow non students to join. I don’t know if that would be an option for you?