People just look through me + I offend people unintentionally

HazeandMist.

Just like KikiCat, I could have written that too. I recognise everything you say and have always been bewildered, puzzled and confused by other people.

A  couple of years or so ago, I was diagnosed ASD High Functioning. I'm still getting used to it, but it's all been good so far. I understand myself  better now, but still manage to say the wrong thing at times and guess I always will.

It's a corny old phrase, but 'You're on a journey'. 

Things have slowly got better for me as I hope they will for you.

Having my condition recgonised by an expert psychologist was just the best thing I ever did, it has made much more of a difference than I thought it would, but I have not yet disclosed this diagnosis to anyone who knows me. I'm not ready for that yet, in fact, I'm begining to wonder if I even need to.

Ben

There's a book I discovered which someone recommended on here called A Field Guide to Earthlings. And it's quite good. The best take-a-way from this was this issue of Association. NT brains are busy in their language-feeling lobe region, so they may not recollect exactness, but simply recall how they felt. Apparently words are used like a tool for wizarding! Like turning the Reds agains Corbyn by reinforcing a suggestion he's associated with anti-semites. Or creating the value of money out of thin air just by saying it's valuable. Fantasy is conjured and Reality is disrupted by using words to manipulate feelings. So strange. 

I'm late to the party as well, female, have been ghosted and ridiculed, called a Vulcan once (which honestly, I was rather proud of), and had initially sought philosophical inquiry on matters of Ethics and Social Codes to help me work out how to be a better human. It turns out society is rather dysfunctional to begin with an many individuals are in survival mode, and/or cruel and dishonest, but either way. I like having rules to engage from a human standpoint.

After 30 years of making something of an attempt to work out what was going on, here's some of my findings! Perhaps something could be useful?

Erich Fromm is a good one for practical advice on the human condition and how to facilitate kindness: The Art of Love is a great book to start. I've also found learning about the difference between boundaries and abuse just by googling them. And learning about my personality type helped - The MBTI Types, if not just how to focus on learning about how to use and build my personality. 

Years ago I had been hired to make music in a church in the States (one of the larger ones where they teach qualities and functions of being helpful, and well-functioning in society) and learned quite a bit about identifying 3 the worst traits in others: those who are easily offended, those who are presumptuous and arrogant and those who demand respect. All fantastic qualities for a Villain. And even having identifications of these sort helped change who I invested time and friendship with. Those who are easily offended use it as a game to dominate. Presumption and arrogance typically go together, though NT society seemingly awards this behaviour, I find it shockingly appalling. It's good to note that, as a twist in the plot, this fundamental human characteristic, which is classified as the basis for Empathy, has a dark side. And those who demand respect are also known as Tyrants. Respect and dignity can always be given without an 'economic' loss to myself, as it needs to be given to all parties involved, so giving doesn't deplete my resources. In fact, respectful individuals aren't always immediately spotted, but there's a sense one can trust them. They're usually the ones who don't talk about others behind their backs.

I've had individuals come back to me after a few years and apologise. If not several. And there is a small part of me that believes Autistic individuals are somewhat hard-wired to be genuine and genuinely kind without a loss of self - It's an art form, something mastered. We're not easily persuaded. We can step out from society without it damaging our sense of survival (and it's often more helpful to our sense of survival), observe the mess, redesign our self and sense of being and step back in as we please.

Yeah I have had that happen too, which is why I stopped communicating with my friends. I hate conflict as well, so I do not enjoy the drama that can happen from having friends, as I don't think that all this conflict is what friendship is all about.

I understand there can always be some level of conflict between people, but what's important is the resolution. If that person rather just stay angry and offended and not listen to a word you have to say, and they don't try to make any attempts to repair the friendship to just discuss matters with you, then you don't have to be around them, and you can try to find other people who will listen to you, and consider the things you have to say. 

I've tried to clear up misunderstandings with friends and put my best foot forward and try to make amends, but when they are angry it does not matter because they just try to demonize me no matter what I try to say or do, and the other friends do nothing but watch instead of trying to keep the peace. The offended friend sees me as if I'm trying to get myself out of trouble and they want to take it out on me, but I'm trying to think of our entire friendship as a whole, and if I like this kind of treatment from them, because if it happens now, it will likely happen again and again in the future. When I step back and see the overall picture, I wonder if this is what I really want. 

I have trouble maintaining friendships, and I think it's like that in relationships too, that if there's too much disagreements without resolutions, it can fall apart.

Now I try to stay away from people who just get offended by something I unintentionally do, and as much as they don't understand me, I don't understand them in return, and that's something that can be mutually agreed upon, but there's a large enough of a population (and the internet) to find forums that will have people who would understand you. 

Also to try and make sure that I am communicating exactly what I want to say, I end up repeating myself over and over and that really irritates and annoys others.