• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 863 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Control issues

miaxx

Does anyone else have bad control issues?

For example, I struggle when I am not in control of a conversation. If I am being made fun of, or 'banter' at my expense is happening, I can't deal with it. However I can 'banter' at other's expense. (Never rude, and yes I know, I can give it out but can't take it, and that's a flaw in myself).

I think I can banter about others because I feel in control, but if people are laughing at me I don't have a grip on the conversation and it causes a meltdown.

I also have a very 'masculine' energy in my relationship. I make decisions, I take control, etc. I hate things being done a different way to my own way. It gets to the point where I have to go through with my fiancé, step-by-step instructions on how to make soup for me! He's a grown adult, he knows how, but for some reason I feel as if it has to be done by specific way.

I have a hard time letting others cook for me, clean for me, etc without taking over the job myself just so it's done 'correctly'

Anyone else like this?

  • in reply to miaxx

    maybe you are the reincarnation of frank sinatra and you just wanna say that you did everything in life your way? lol i bet you have even traveled each and every highway too!

  • miaxx said:
    It gets to the point where I have to go through with my fiancé, step-by-step instructions on how to make soup for me!

    My wife does this to me. Plays havoc with my demand avoidance. She usually gets it made my way or does it herself. Generally it works best if we cook together - I find it much easier doing communal stuff as a joint-venture.

    miaxx said:
    I have a hard time letting others cook for me, clean for me, etc without taking over the job myself just so it's done 'correctly'

    I got over this early when I realised if try to micromanage such things, the person stops doing it and I end up living on vegemite sandwiches.

    When I'm in a good place mentally I'm quite house-trained wrt to cooking, shopping and basic cleaning etc, but realistically it doesn't happen nearly as often as it should - I see clutter, but I just don't care so much about dust, piles of dishes, cobwebs.

    I am really happy we get a cleaner in now - I get anxious every week at the thought of someone in my space, but I really like the fact that she goes above & beyond my basic cleaning... she dusts, scrubs the oven, cleans the venetians, de-limescales etc.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Hahaha the worst part is, I completely trust him to do a good job with everything! I just like it done MY way or else I cant stand it

  • Some it of. I have learned how to deal with being the subject of banter - I guess I just mask that it makes me feel bad. I resist getting involved of banter directed at others.

    I do like things done in a certain way.

  • its only natural, your cooking one for example. it would be aweful to settle for a shoddy ruined meal when you could have done it right yourself. if someone else cant do it right it makes sense down the line for you to do it. kinda like how you wouldnt let your kid drive your car, theyd crash into a wall so you drive. cooking, you do it yourself or if you make your other half do it he ruins it and you end up with a lame meal and a regret of the knowledge that you could have been eating a delightful meal you did right yourself.