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Control issues

miaxx

Does anyone else have bad control issues?

For example, I struggle when I am not in control of a conversation. If I am being made fun of, or 'banter' at my expense is happening, I can't deal with it. However I can 'banter' at other's expense. (Never rude, and yes I know, I can give it out but can't take it, and that's a flaw in myself).

I think I can banter about others because I feel in control, but if people are laughing at me I don't have a grip on the conversation and it causes a meltdown.

I also have a very 'masculine' energy in my relationship. I make decisions, I take control, etc. I hate things being done a different way to my own way. It gets to the point where I have to go through with my fiancé, step-by-step instructions on how to make soup for me! He's a grown adult, he knows how, but for some reason I feel as if it has to be done by specific way.

I have a hard time letting others cook for me, clean for me, etc without taking over the job myself just so it's done 'correctly'

Anyone else like this?

Parents
  • miaxx said:
    It gets to the point where I have to go through with my fiancé, step-by-step instructions on how to make soup for me!

    My wife does this to me. Plays havoc with my demand avoidance. She usually gets it made my way or does it herself. Generally it works best if we cook together - I find it much easier doing communal stuff as a joint-venture.

    miaxx said:
    I have a hard time letting others cook for me, clean for me, etc without taking over the job myself just so it's done 'correctly'

    I got over this early when I realised if try to micromanage such things, the person stops doing it and I end up living on vegemite sandwiches.

    When I'm in a good place mentally I'm quite house-trained wrt to cooking, shopping and basic cleaning etc, but realistically it doesn't happen nearly as often as it should - I see clutter, but I just don't care so much about dust, piles of dishes, cobwebs.

    I am really happy we get a cleaner in now - I get anxious every week at the thought of someone in my space, but I really like the fact that she goes above & beyond my basic cleaning... she dusts, scrubs the oven, cleans the venetians, de-limescales etc.

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  • miaxx said:
    It gets to the point where I have to go through with my fiancé, step-by-step instructions on how to make soup for me!

    My wife does this to me. Plays havoc with my demand avoidance. She usually gets it made my way or does it herself. Generally it works best if we cook together - I find it much easier doing communal stuff as a joint-venture.

    miaxx said:
    I have a hard time letting others cook for me, clean for me, etc without taking over the job myself just so it's done 'correctly'

    I got over this early when I realised if try to micromanage such things, the person stops doing it and I end up living on vegemite sandwiches.

    When I'm in a good place mentally I'm quite house-trained wrt to cooking, shopping and basic cleaning etc, but realistically it doesn't happen nearly as often as it should - I see clutter, but I just don't care so much about dust, piles of dishes, cobwebs.

    I am really happy we get a cleaner in now - I get anxious every week at the thought of someone in my space, but I really like the fact that she goes above & beyond my basic cleaning... she dusts, scrubs the oven, cleans the venetians, de-limescales etc.

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