Since last posting on this forum it has come to light that I may suffer from undiagnosed ADHD. If it is true it would explain an awful lot of things about my past, the struggles I currently face in my personal and work life, and also with some of my frustration when trying to communicate with my partner, who is autistic. I guess time will tell. I am currently trying to get a diagnosis, but it is slow going and I don't expect anything to change any time soon. I can't afford to go private to speed things up.
Emotionally I am up and down. I often find it difficult to confront my partner with things that are upsetting me, partly because I sometimes find it difficult to pin down exactly why I'm upset, and partly because I find it difficult to recount specific details of things that have already happened. Often he interrupts which causes the conversation to go in a different direction, or I spend so long trying to explain myself that I end up forgetting the point I was trying to make in the first place. Sometimes I cant get the words out at all. I'm told that it may be down to issues with my working memory. Again. a lot of things are starting to make sense in this context. I am finding loads of great info and self help resources ADHD and am doing my best to get to grips with it.
I have spoken to my partner about it. He is very supportive, as he usually is, but I don't want to make such a big thing out of this until I have some kind of formal diagnosis and can give him some concrete information. It could still be wrong. I could just be an overemotional, disorganised, flaky.... whatever.
To be fair to him, when I have managed to get my point across when discussing problems in our relationship he has taken it to heart and things seem to be improving a bit between us, even when I left the conversations feeling like I hadn't gotten to the point. He got it, and that was such a good surprise and huge comfort. He is being a lot kinder lately. He told me about a few things I do that annoy him too, so I am trying to work on those things. Lately though that has become the other reason I find it hard to call him out when he hurts my feelings or upsets me. I know he doesn't mean it and I know how hard he tries to show me he loves me in other ways. I don't want him to feel like I don't appreciate it by constantly getting upset when he says something that makes me feel stupid or irrelevant (He can be quite cheeky and rude, it is his sense of humour and sometimes it is really cute and sexy and funny, but sometimes it is a bit too cutting, and it's just getting harder to smile and shrug it off, especially if my day has already been stressful and difficult and I just want my partner to say something nice). It is getting harder to ignore my insecurities and the occasional bit of validation would just make so much difference. I know that is difficult for him to recognise this though. Sometimes when I try and bring things up he just says he is just joking and I need to get a sense of humour. Sometimes I just don't want to ruin an evening that has been otherwise pleasant by bringing up something negative, especially as we have been getting on much better lately. I hate people who constantly nag and I refuse to become like that myself.
My diagnosis is probably going to take some time. I have been referred to an Adult neurology team but I have been waiting for months for an appointment. I have chased it up and been told I just have to sit tight and wait to be contacted.
I'm feeling pretty lonely. I wonder if there is anyone on here in a relationship like this - one with ASD and one with ADHD, and if so, how does it affect your relationship with your partner, and how do you navigate it? I would love to hear any perspectives on this.
