NT's and conversations

Yes, I am a gifted ‘interruptor’

I was such a perfectly polite child; what happened? 

I'm okay with small talk, but conversations do exhaust me. Even an online friend, recently diagnosed with Autism, takes his conversations for a walk.

Another issue I have, with conversations, is timing. I want to respond and they're still on about stuff.

Yes I know exactly what you mean.

It really annoys me, especially when people go through the script regardless, even when it's abundantly obvious that they don't care about the answers you provide but are just going through the motions anyway. "How are you", "What have you been up to" etc. And then people sigh and stuff, when I cant be bothered with the facade.

I feel like I should have been the one doing the sighing, and just said "please just get to the point you're clearly not even actually interested in how i am and what ive been up to, so i really dont want to waste my energy on that.  I can tell that you have phoned me for something much more important than to ask me those questions so please do just get to the point I really don't want to go through this in this way."

I mean, politeness dictates that if they at least appeared to care about the answers then i would give a courteous answer, but not when it's an obvious facade, and a pointless pre-amble to whatever is coming next.

I can empathise to the extent that it probably helps the caller calm their anxieties a little bit, but I can always see straight through it in situations like that. Normally I would oblige and play along, but it annoys the hell out of me when it's very obvious. I hope I can say something like this, next time this scenario crops up. I wonder what the result will be.

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

There's some argument that NT brains are just a little less aware and heightened than Autistic brains and so they need fantasies and role playing and symbols!

That's definitely one explanation!

Richard Klein (paleoanthropologist) at Stanford University first put forward the theory of the Cognitive Revolution. 

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/when-did-the-human-mind-evolve-to-what-it-is-today-140507905/

Klein dates it to between 70,000 to 30,000 years ago and theorises that it was as a result of an evolutionary genetic mutation that the emergence of abstract thought and imagination in human brains allowed Homo sapiens to use language to communicate at a level never seen before.  

There is also a more accessible work by language Historian Yuval Noah Harari in his book 'Sapiens'. It's a fascinating read. Harari is a public historian, and a professor in the Department of History at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

Ohhh kay. WHERE did you read this! Haha

There is also some theory that the brain focuses resources on the 'room' or compartment it's using by subtracting resources from other parts. Analogy: If I'm in the math room of a library, the lights in linguistics and languages are low. According to this theory, I might have trouble navigating that part of the "library".

Most Autists hate small talk because they see it for what it is: A facade. There's some argument that NT brains are just a little less aware and heightened than Autistic brains and so they need fantasies and role playing and symbols! LOL 

The theory is that this was the result of a genetic mutation which caused the emergence in humans of new cognitive abilities, abstract thought, imagination and a more complex language system than before. We began to interpret grunts in different ways because we could think about them representing more intricate meanings. The downside is that when humans haven't been able to evolve further as yet and are still stuck in thought, which is the primary cause of mental illness.

I don't get it! Why don't we all just tell each other what we want to tell each other without the formalities? Would be much easier haha

Hi miaxx. The linguistic terminology for this redundant phrase is a phatic phrase. The phenomenon is referred to as phatic communion. It is speech (or writing) intended to create and maintain social relationships, rather than to exchange useful information.

How are you?  = I know you. You know me. Our previous interactions have been friendly. I am about to interact with you again and require reassurance from you that you still willing to interact with me in a friendly manner. 

Why not ask them to stop doing it? Do they know about your autism?

I just absolutely HATE small talk! Why do I have to answer these questions if they don't actually want to know the answer in the first place :( I wish people would just say what they mean and mean what they say

I don't really understand it either, but I don't mind it since it's so easy to script for...

Q: How are you?

If I'm OK...

A: Not bad

If I'm in Defensive Mode...

A: Still here...

If I'm beyond Defensive mode...

A: --- (No chance I'll be communcating with anyone!)

The only exception is when talking to a medical professional, in which case I try to be brutally honest about whatever I'm seeing them for!