Wanting to socialise and talk to people but at the same time I don’t because I’m terrible at it and i just don’t know what to do or say

I feel the same as you do too.

I have upset people I don’t mean to. The other day I was at church after some people had tea and coffee so I thought this would be a good time to try to make a conversation. So I looked around at the people, I noticed a woman who looked like she was pregnant so I thought oh I can talk to her. So I went over to her I said hello she said hello, I said when is your baby due, I said I haven’t had children. She replied I’m not pregnant. I said you look pregnant are you sure you’re not, your stomach looks like you’re carrying a baby. She said she had been Comfort  eating and she had put on weight. I said maybe you should go to the doctor make sure. She said she new she wasn’t then she walked away.

Then last week I went to the post office to post a letter I had no stamp. I saw there was a big Q and I don’t like waiting I felt very agitated after about a minute . Then this woman came in with her son,  he stood right next to me,  I said “get on your spot, you should be on that spot, I’m on my spot,  get on your spot,  that’s the rules, you’re not 2 m apart, you should be 2 m apart, that’s the rules”. His mum said “my son has autism, you could ask nicely. I said “I’ve got autism too”. She said “you still could ask nicely”. I said “I couldn’t think that quickly, how to say it. You should understand”. Then I walked off . I went to a shop counter and asked if they had any stamps they did. The shop keeper said how many stamps do you want? I said enough to post this card, she weighed it, said that will only need one stamp. I said, I will have one stamp then, she said we can give you 4 or 6, we don’t do 1. I said I only want one? She said you need to choose, a book of 4, or 6 stamps. I said I will have four then. Then I still had to post the card. I felt very agitated by all of this, it was a nightmare, I felt very unsettled and upset, I was glad to get home.

I would like to get better at communicating with people.
I remember being in the ladies changing room in a shop, a lady was trying on some trousers, she looked over towards me and said, “ do you think my bum looks big in these trousers? I said yes, your  bum looks really big. She tried some other ones on, she said what about these. I said no, your bum still looks big. She said that she wanted her bum to look smaller. I said “trousers can’t change the size of your bum, that’s impossible. if you want a smaller bum tell the doctor, that you want to get a smaller bum, he will be able to help you more than trousers can I’m sure. She didn’t buy the trousers. She didn’t seem to want to be friends even though I tried to help her. So I don’t know how to make good new friends.

Untoward said:

I also prefer to be alone the majority of the time and being around people is unpleasant for me, so it is frustrating that I also feel lonely! What a cruel affliction. Despite being autistic, I am still human and still need companionship and to be accepted.

I feel that a lot that’s one of the things that gets me down quite a bit

its difficult at times

I'm pretty much the same, in my head i am great at conversations but in reality I can probably talk to 1 person for a while but as soon as another one joins then i'm lost as to when its my turn so just go pretty much mute.

I'm the same. I can't make small talk and I don't know how to talk to people or maintain a conversation. I never had a friend either. I struggle with what is appropriate to say and most of the time I say nothing. It takes me 6 months or a year to feel comfortable enough around someone to lower my guard and come out of all the shells I've built around myself.

Part of the problem is I have basically no interest in people (only in things), but I have found that 99% of what people talk about is related to people, what they are doing, what they like doing, who is into who, what people are doing at the weekend, what celebrities are doing, etc. It is not interesting to me and I know nothing about it.

The inverse is also true. I have some really specific interests that I have encyclopedic knowledge of but I have never met anyone who is interested in them. People only want to talk about people and their opinions and activities.

I also prefer to be alone the majority of the time and being around people is unpleasant for me, so it is frustrating that I also feel lonely! What a cruel affliction. Despite being autistic, I am still human and still need companionship and to be accepted.

I'm so starved of oxytocin that I take really long showers. I was thinking of getting a dog to fill the void but I doubt my ability to look after it. A few times I even considered paying a prostitute to hug me, but I know that would be sad and pathetic so never did it.

The only outlet I have to give me some oxytocin and feel like I'm interacting with people is online video games. Particularly any game in which you can play as a healer or that involves a high degree of teamwork. I don't even need to talk, just the action of playing with and helping my team is enough, although it's only a simulacrum of real human contact.

Multiplayer role playing video games. you can interact over a microphone and don't have to deal with the other social norms of body language. Their is always something to talk about that the game creates like a quest or stats. 

their are video game chat rooms and VR chatrooms with autism friendly servers but sometimes their are trolls. 

I'm the same. The only difference is that for me I'm not interested in socialising. Socialising for me means hanging out with other people, with no purpose, making small talk and being bored and then exhausted.  I'd take a closer look at what you actually mean by socialising. 

I meet a small group of people to make music (on a fairly regular basis) but we don't meet up to chit chat or gossip, or talk about our lives, we meet up because we all have a common purpose to make music.  Because we're doing what we all love doing, we naturally share some personal stuff from time to time, and we do laugh and joke around a lot, and we are all relaxed in each other's company, but these are not the reasons we meet up, these are all byproducts of enjoying what we're doing together. 

So, rather than think of socialising, think of finding people with common interests and meet up with them. Don't meet up just to socialise, but to actually do something or create something. And, you'll find that all the things you talk about wanting to do will happen naturally and you won't have to force them. 

Sometimes, friends invite me out to watch a movie or eat something, which on its own is something I'd much rather do alone. In order for me to be able to go, I have to give myself a concrete purpose for going. Without a purpose, I can't do it. Why would I anyway? And if a friend wants to relax, then that is our purpose, so I look for activities that are relaxing.

I hope my ramblings make sense.