Worried that I might be told I’m not autistic

I wasn’t sure either so nearly 3 months ago I started to compile a list of things I avoid and my traits. I too are in the process of getting my 8yr old son an assessment.

Here’s my list (I have never shared this before)

Over sensitive

Bright sunlight

Take things literally

Get frustrated with yourself for very little

Tired in body for no reason feel exhausted

Sensitive to smells (candles and strong smells)

Forgetful

Struggle with eye contact (can’t look at myself for long)

Struggle with socialising

Everything is a job

OCD

All or nothing

Sit in garage sometimes to calm myself down

Over empathetic

Struggle thinking of words when in conv

Always thinking I don’t handle things well

Can talk very loudly and then too quietly

Don’t like people that much

Easily offended

Get very down

Speak in a monotone way

Hate putting socks on

Struggle to plan how long tasks and work take

Struggle to find a word when talking (brain doesn’t think quick enough)

Hate asking for help (guilt)

Get so fixated on tasks can block out things around me inc not eating

Don’t really enjoy going out and can’t wait to get home

Very slow at reading as I constantly go over the same thing (to try and make sense)

Multi tasking is awful and makes me really anxious

Avoid gossip and speculation

Constant need to talk about disagreements

Sulk a lot (silent treatment)

Always look grumpy to people even when happy

Sensitive to air pressure

Panic attacks

More prone to injury

Hyper empathy

It’s funny what you learn about yourself when you start digging. 

I mean I struggle with this too at the moment, but when it comes down to it you do struggle, and there must be reasons for it whether they're personality flaws or neurodevlopmental disorders or mental health disorders or, what's most likely, is a complicated and messy mix of all of it 

It’s like I could have written this! I relate to how you are feeling, I have decided to pursue a diagnosis myself & wish you the best for whatever you decide to do :)

Thank you for your warm reply and encouraging comments, Sean.  I feel very welcomed on this forum.  Writing supportive and compassionate replies doesn't come naturally, but I do try.  

I'm glad to hear that from you. It sounds like you are coming to terms and accepting yourself regardless of any diagnosis. Everyone has strengths and weakness, it's just a matter of figuring out what yours are. I personally am on the spectrum having been diagnosed with Asperger's, and I know there are many people who are "more" on the spectrum (for lack of a proper term) and have greater challenges in life than me, but I still learn a lot from interacting with those people. Learning some of their talents and skills helps me understand more about my own abilities. Similarly, learning how others deal with some challenges provides me with ideas on how to address my own needs.

Regardless of your diagnosis, I'm glad you've joined this community group. Just by posting a question invoked some great discussion from a range of people, all with different perspective, but even more so all supportive and compassionate replies, and that to me is fantastic! All the very best! 

Sean said:

You can still be a part of the autistic community despite any diagnosis, and you can still learn from other people's perspectives on this and any other message board.

Hi Sean,
I was just so glad to read this.  It's really reassuring.  I don't yet have my official diagnosis, but I'm assuming for now that I am autistic, and every day I spot new examples of it in my behaviour and mental processes.  If I have a "not autistic" diagnosis, I will still feel that "I have autistic traits" and therefore I will want to be with others who I can relate to.  It will be really great if the autistic community would still welcome me in some way.

that must be spooky to watch

I felt exactly the same, but I'm glad I had a diagnosis. It's better to be sure.

I have exactly the same feelings:) like I'm scared that I will just feel "stupid" for having these struggles and when finally everything made sense someone could tell me "no, you are wrong!" and wondering "what is it then?

Like being left with no answers to why I feel the way I feel.

I would say it's completely normal I guess to feel scared. No matter what the "result" is I think that's important that you are trying to make sense of things and find "your place in the world". You are not alone and many other feel the same way or similarly to you and you are not odd or weird:)

this is true

Regardless of any results, remember it's all a spectrum, and you will want to understand yourself (at some point, at least). You can still be a part of the autistic community despite any diagnosis, and you can still learn from other people's perspectives on this and any other message board. The diagnosis would just be a vehicle to aide you and best direct you to the knowledge and tools that will eventually help you with your life. (Knowing really is half the battle!)

I wish you the very best.

np

Thank you :) I've been knocking around for a while, mainly reading for advice. I find it hard putting myself out there so can never bring myself to comment. It's a wonderful community :) 

You'll probably end up booking an assessment in the end, so why not do it sooner and save yourself months of questioning?  Do you have any old home videos of yourself? - They are what convinced me in the end - In one of me being really small, I was moving away when other children approached me, in another, I sounded regressed, in others I was sensory seeking instead of doing regular play and in another, I was sucking a dummy (as in a pacifier) instead of answering my parents' questions (I must have been about 4).

Hello Petals,

Firstly, let me say that I think Caelus gave you an excellent reply, in fact they're all good replies.

All you want to know is the truth, so if you think you may have ASD then why not request an asessment?  Whatever the result is, that will be your first step towards the truth... and possibly the only step needed ... but that remains to be seen.

Do it when you feel ready, you may just 'know' when the time is right..

Ben

if u are new ---- Welcome to this forum !

i have dyslexia as well --- i have to read thing maybe 3 times to get the meaning correct ---- i prefer short sentences and use spell checkers all the time

Hello :) 

I could have written this! I am feeling exactly the same. I have always struggled with life for as long as I can remember and have always felt different/odd/weird/an outsider looking in etc. I have struggled with anxiety and depression all my life, (I am now 36) but was convinced from becoming a teenager I had a serious mental health condition such as bipolar or something like that. Over the years I have just put my difficulties down to being hormone related. I have looked into what could be causing my distress over the years through GP's, but I've never got anywhere. I put my social anxiety down to putting on weight and hating being uncomfortable around people. I don't know what to say to people a lot of the time, and I often say things which are inappropriate when I am just trying to fit in. I overthink everything way too much and feel like I don't really know who I am or what I feel. I have brain fog all the time and am super sensitive in every way! I only considered ASD when I was doing my 8 year old daughter's pre-assessment questionnaires and it was like the penny suddenly dropped. It was such a strange feeling, it was like a lightbulb moment where suddenly every single thing clicked into place and my whole life's struggles made sense for the first time. I am anxious that I won't be diagnosed, and I will be back to square one. I think I finally feel hope that there's a reason for the way I am, but am scared of the possibility that there's nothing detected. So where does that leave me! I know that getting a diagnosis isn't everything, but knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. 

Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to say, you are not alone. And definitely go for it, you have nothing to lose. I hope you don't have to wait too long for answers.

Sending positive thoughts :) 

this is the thing u will want to know

I had the same worry, turned out I didn't need to.

I had a test for Dyslexia when I started my degree, I was shocked and in tears when I had the result, I thought it was that that made me so different and caused my educational difficulties. It was part time degree, five years and I didn't read a single book they recommended. Years later it all makes sense. I was autistic that wasn't known then, and actually quite possibly dyslexic too but someone may have miscalculated the result.

The moral of the story is that it is good to go ahead and ask for a diagnosis, if it's not that it's something else and you'll get there in the end and the right diagnosis is the thing that opens doors.