Can anyone help me please

If you are Autistic then I think you've managed the first and most difficult step, self acknowledgement, then you can start to see how you've been trying to mask, trying to fit into a society that's not built for people like us. Fitting in can be exhausting. For me, Autism is a condition, fitting in is where disorder comes in, I never did fit in and, now, I'm OK with that, and don't feel any compulsion to try. There's no visible difference, I haven't started to wear trousers that too short I don't run around flapping my arms while blowing raspberries, I just don't feel I have to make small talk when I don't want to. I don't feel guilty because I don't see or call my friends if I don't want to. Lockdown has helped with that. 

Before I went to see my GP to ask for referral I wrote it all down, how I felt, how much life had been a struggle for me and why and just made it very clear in my own head then it went quite fast. Before that I was very vague about it, it wasn't really clear in my own head and I couldn't even convince myself that I was autistic, doctors basically just said well you're already old so why should we bother...

its ok  

Ignore me! Sorry, was having a bad day. 

I got it form a very good autistic website "The girl with the curly hair" which is a good website to visit.

it worked for me and many others but everyone is different --- u are most welcome to create a more adult version we can use.

I have taken a copy of your text as an alternative cut 'n' paste option for me.  I put a credit to u at bottom

I was going by the literacy level indicated in the initial post. I'd be very insulted if I was given that image as a response, because it's extremely childish. But maybe that's just me.

worked out how to do it in code as very bottom

dont be nervous of your GP,,,,  it is the same as a broken leg nowadays  more serious in my eyes

I’ve seen it now after clicking on it. Thank you! I wish I wasn’t so nervous about bringing it up with the gp! But I think writing it down will help. Thank you. 

cant get the image to stop blurring --- u have to click on it to see it clearly

Thank you very much

if u click on it  gets bigger 

add them to your list 

“And a list of occasions when u have been called weird, autistic, different” 

That would be almost everyone then if we throw the word unique into the mix too haha! 

I have one friend on the spectrum with a daughter also on the spectrum who has always said I’m autistic, then the professional I worked with who spent allot of time with me who also said she thought I was on the spectrum but everyone else beats around the bush with it a bit more and will call me “eccentric, one of a kind, weird, amazing just as I am etc” 

Thank you! Do you have a link for this photograph please as I can’t make it out clearly as I’m only on my phone. 

Thank you all very much for your advice.

Due to the eupd diagnosis I have a first phone appointment in advance of an emotional coping skills course next week which I’ve been on a waiting list for, for quite a while.

I'm terrified that it will be a group thing as I just can’t do group situations. 

Even when I’ve worked I’ve never been able to attend a team meeting but I don’t want to turn down anything that might help! 

I just don’t believe that I have eupd. Yes I believe I have generalised anxiety but I think that’s part of the bigger picture. 

No one would ever know I struggle unless I told them. I just get called eccentric and unique although that is me trying to fit in! 

I think I just mask everything and then break down internally. 

Lockdown has been amazing, I have the most sympathy for anyone struggling the negative effects but I have personally loved every minute and it has taught me to start living more true to myself and enjoy the solitary life that I so need. 

I obviously have my children’s friends over as they need to socialise when they want to and I do keep up with some socialising for my mental health and my children’s sake but  I’m most at peace on nice long walks and visiting interesting places with my children. In my own home playing games with them and watching movies and where I know what is what and can stick to things the way I know and like and be with my animals, and cook good food. 

I've always felt like I must just be really selfish and like there must be something wrong with me because I don’t work the same way that other people do but now I just instinctively know that the reason is because I’m in the autistic spectrum. 

I just struggle to understand myself as I feel so deeply about things and can almost feel what other people feel and am very empathetic and in tune. I will go out of my way to help people and I am kind to others yet I love my own space and solitude and can’t bear to spend too much time with people or change the way I do things and get so overwhelmed and stressed if things change at the last minute I’m so contradictory in who I am and it really annoys me! 

Anyway, I’ve rambled on as I always do! But thank you all again. Maybe I will try and build up the courage to speak to the gp. Perhaps I should try this emotional coping skills group and then approach the gp if I feel that I still need to, I’m just so nervous. I feel like they will laugh at me and say “no, you already have your diagnosis’s (is that a word?!) don’t try and change it” 

maybe the person reading doesnt like / cant read big blocks of text.

I have conversed with autistics who could only understand short sentences one at a time. 

also I can drop that image in less that 1 second

That's exactly what I said, but in adult language. 

I agree with all that. Although my NHS one is only taking about 6 months at the minute, I don't know why it's so fast as I've heard time and time again that it can take a few years. 

Make a list of reasons why u think u are autistic.

include blood relatives in your family who are autistic or adhd or called weird/different

and a list of occasions when u have been called weird, autistic, different

the list should be electronic ie so you can email it to anyone who wants it.

go to your GP and ask for an autism diagnosis/assessment.