Can anyone help me please

Hello, 

I am a 33 year old female and I have been sitting in the fact that I am on the autistic spectrum for really quite some time now.

There are just so many reasons. Socially, emotionally, just the way I am really.

I have two children, one who 11 and is diagnosed with Adhd and sensory processing problems and has asd traits. His last school wanted to re-refer him for another asd assessment as they said it was so clear he was on the spectrum but masking and I would absolutely agree.

My other son who is older (15), has been put on a neurodevelopmental pathway by his teachers at his school and who I believe is absolutely on the spectrum as does he. He’s very high functioning but absolutely there, always shown classic signs of asd but I’ve never pushed for diagnosis as he gets on so well. 

Anyway, after that bit of family information, I just so strongly believe I am there on the spectrum too and I have just accepted that this is who I am. 
I would have liked to know with certainty but I could have lived without knowing “officially” until this year that is.

I went through a massive mental health crisis at the end of last year/beginning of this year and was put under the crisis team for the first and last time. 
Upon meeting a physiatrist for less than an hour I was given a diagnosis of eupd. 
Now I can understand why upon my presentation at my lowest point in my adult life that conclusion could be drawn but I just don’t agree with it. 
I have also taken part in CBT therapy in the past where I was given a diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder and I have also struggled with disordered eating in the past too.

I would like to go about getting all this revised and asking about the possibility that I in fact have high functioning autism because it just fits. 
It’s like I can feel it inside that that is why I struggle if that makes sense. 

What do I do to try and find out? I have no idea where to start and I am so scared about speaking to anyone about this. 
A professional I was working with during my mental health crisis suggested I may be autistic and it felt like such a relief to have my feelings understood but I just don’t know where to go with this and will they just laugh at me and say I’m crazy?

Thanks. 

Parents
  • Thank you all very much for your advice.

    Due to the eupd diagnosis I have a first phone appointment in advance of an emotional coping skills course next week which I’ve been on a waiting list for, for quite a while.

    I'm terrified that it will be a group thing as I just can’t do group situations. 

    Even when I’ve worked I’ve never been able to attend a team meeting but I don’t want to turn down anything that might help! 

    I just don’t believe that I have eupd. Yes I believe I have generalised anxiety but I think that’s part of the bigger picture. 

    No one would ever know I struggle unless I told them. I just get called eccentric and unique although that is me trying to fit in! 

    I think I just mask everything and then break down internally. 

    Lockdown has been amazing, I have the most sympathy for anyone struggling the negative effects but I have personally loved every minute and it has taught me to start living more true to myself and enjoy the solitary life that I so need. 

    I obviously have my children’s friends over as they need to socialise when they want to and I do keep up with some socialising for my mental health and my children’s sake but  I’m most at peace on nice long walks and visiting interesting places with my children. In my own home playing games with them and watching movies and where I know what is what and can stick to things the way I know and like and be with my animals, and cook good food. 

    I've always felt like I must just be really selfish and like there must be something wrong with me because I don’t work the same way that other people do but now I just instinctively know that the reason is because I’m in the autistic spectrum. 

    I just struggle to understand myself as I feel so deeply about things and can almost feel what other people feel and am very empathetic and in tune. I will go out of my way to help people and I am kind to others yet I love my own space and solitude and can’t bear to spend too much time with people or change the way I do things and get so overwhelmed and stressed if things change at the last minute I’m so contradictory in who I am and it really annoys me! 

    Anyway, I’ve rambled on as I always do! But thank you all again. Maybe I will try and build up the courage to speak to the gp. Perhaps I should try this emotional coping skills group and then approach the gp if I feel that I still need to, I’m just so nervous. I feel like they will laugh at me and say “no, you already have your diagnosis’s (is that a word?!) don’t try and change it” 

Reply
  • Thank you all very much for your advice.

    Due to the eupd diagnosis I have a first phone appointment in advance of an emotional coping skills course next week which I’ve been on a waiting list for, for quite a while.

    I'm terrified that it will be a group thing as I just can’t do group situations. 

    Even when I’ve worked I’ve never been able to attend a team meeting but I don’t want to turn down anything that might help! 

    I just don’t believe that I have eupd. Yes I believe I have generalised anxiety but I think that’s part of the bigger picture. 

    No one would ever know I struggle unless I told them. I just get called eccentric and unique although that is me trying to fit in! 

    I think I just mask everything and then break down internally. 

    Lockdown has been amazing, I have the most sympathy for anyone struggling the negative effects but I have personally loved every minute and it has taught me to start living more true to myself and enjoy the solitary life that I so need. 

    I obviously have my children’s friends over as they need to socialise when they want to and I do keep up with some socialising for my mental health and my children’s sake but  I’m most at peace on nice long walks and visiting interesting places with my children. In my own home playing games with them and watching movies and where I know what is what and can stick to things the way I know and like and be with my animals, and cook good food. 

    I've always felt like I must just be really selfish and like there must be something wrong with me because I don’t work the same way that other people do but now I just instinctively know that the reason is because I’m in the autistic spectrum. 

    I just struggle to understand myself as I feel so deeply about things and can almost feel what other people feel and am very empathetic and in tune. I will go out of my way to help people and I am kind to others yet I love my own space and solitude and can’t bear to spend too much time with people or change the way I do things and get so overwhelmed and stressed if things change at the last minute I’m so contradictory in who I am and it really annoys me! 

    Anyway, I’ve rambled on as I always do! But thank you all again. Maybe I will try and build up the courage to speak to the gp. Perhaps I should try this emotional coping skills group and then approach the gp if I feel that I still need to, I’m just so nervous. I feel like they will laugh at me and say “no, you already have your diagnosis’s (is that a word?!) don’t try and change it” 

Children