Help

Hi

What age group is he?    Is he diagnosed as autistic or aspie or anything?

Does he work and is he under a lot of stress?

What does he do to wind down from life's stress?

If he's overloaded, any demands will just push him away.

He is 58, has just asked the doctor to refer him to be diagnosed, he does not work retired through ill-health, he has a simple life but  covid has taken over, research etc... 

58 is retirement panic time - will finance be in place, health worries etc.(stress related?).

If he's on the diagnosis path, then he must be on-board with the concepts.

Our lives revolve around stress and not being able to cope with sudden change - a chaotic life burns us out.

What silly, childish hobbies does he have?    We often get forced to grow up against our wishes - it takes our safety net away.   (I'm mid 50s - still into Lego and models).

Does he have any friends?   

Hi - sorry about that - how did you approach him?

Thanks for your help and ideas, I tried something you said plastic and it backed fired, I'm.speaking at him again ..... 

What you call his 'research' sounds like what is sometimes called a 'special interest'. For autistics, such interests can become somewhat obsessive and anything tending to distract away from them can be resented. If you want more interaction, try talking to him about his interest. You then might not be able get a word in edgeways, but at least he will be talking to you. Social interactions tend to take a lot of energy from autistics, especially group interactions. He may be much better able to cope with one friend at a time, in low stress situations. A casual chat over a coffee would be much less stressful than say a dinner party.

What you call his 'research' sounds like what is sometimes called a 'special interest'. For autistics, such interests can become somewhat obsessive and anything tending to distract away from them can be resented. If you want more interaction, try talking to him about his interest. You then might not be able get a word in edgeways, but at least he will be talking to you. Social interactions tend to take a lot of energy from autistics, especially group interactions. He may be much better able to cope with one friend at a time, in low stress situations. A casual chat over a coffee would be much less stressful than say a dinner party.

Hi - sorry about that - how did you approach him?

Thanks for your help and ideas, I tried something you said plastic and it backed fired, I'm.speaking at him again .....