Work

Thanks Aidie. I don't feel 100% convinced but I am trying. I want to do well at this job and there is no real reason that I won't. The only things that may hold me back are autism related and that is frustrating because I've really come to embrace being autistic for the most part. I just wish I wasn't so anxious about seemingly little things. 

you're doing great

Well hopefully having an autistic persons in that department is good sign that they have good policy and good general attitude to having autistic staff I hope it goes well

I know, I do see that. I'm just not very good at the "relax" part. 

Just ask yourself one thing - would they have employed you if they had any doubts about your capabilities?

There will always be a learning period - getting to grips with the way *they* do things - relax, I'm sure you'll be fine. 

Perhaps but the therapeutic nature of the role I am undertaking means that I am under some observation to ensure that I am not missing anything or doing any harm by saying the wrong thing. 

But by being new, you can get away with 'concentrating on learning the work' so your conversational skills will not be too critically measured and you can limit it to strictly professional content - probably the ideal time to be learning something new.

Yes exactly. In an ideal world we would have clear desks so I didnt feel like I was in someone else's space when I'm in the office, but that would definitely get people's backs up. It is good to not have a full busy office in some ways but not in others. I'd like to become invisible in an office of 4 people and just dip in and out of conversations. The noise would probably get on my nerves though because it is a small office! 

Just thinking about it makes me tired. It is a good job I don't work 5 days a week because I don't think I could sustain more than my 3 days. Even this is challenging! 

That's an awkward working environment - but that's really to your advantage - it's so much more under control without too much overload.

I know what you mean about not wanting to seem needy - it's a fine balance between helping you to fit in and making you into the 'special' person to be resented.

I hope so. I was pleased to hear that she is autistic too. I'm just so tired navigating all this change in my life on my own. If I didn't have young children I think I'd just hide under my duvet when I'm not working to try to recover, but I have to be mum to them so I cant do that.

That's great there's someone part of the inclusion that's autistic! They should be able to help you and know what to do 

Well, I did tell occupational health when I started that I am autistic and they did write a brief report to my manager for her information, but as of yet she hasn't spoken to me directly about it. I do feel I'd benefit from a conversation with her about it because she is VERY kind and supportive (or so it seems), and in a way I'd like to reassure her that I'm NOT a burden, but at the same time the way I'm feeling does seem like a burden. I'm a very open and reflective person ordinarily so perhaps not sharing this is why I'm feeling so meh. I definitely feel lonely. I even thought about ringing samaritans just to say aloud to someone how I feel, but I hate phone calls so I just internalise everything instead! 

If you read above, the working environment due to covid isn't making it easy to just sit back and watch...

I think this may be part of the problem. The role I do is a bit niche. There are only 8 of us, but until recently there were only 4. In the office there are 4 desks, so the original 4 weren't hotdesking and they have personal desks. The other 3 new people started a few months or so before me and we haven't been in the office together. Because of covid only 2 desks can be filled in the office at once, so on my days in it is me and 1 other person. This situation pretty much forces me to speak to the one other person, and that's not TOO bad because I generally prefer 1:1 anyway. Even 2:1 can make me feel overwhelmed. 

I did tell occupational health when I started that I am autistic, but I haven't had a direct conversation with my manager about it and she hasn't asked. I feel like I do need to have a discussion about it but I've been trying to avoid sounding needy or weird. I'm actually having a call with the workforce inclusion person tomorrow who told me that she is also autistic, so I'm hoping to get something positive from that discussion! 

I just want to be good at my job. I've been having weird intense dreams since I started. Not always scary or anxiety type dreams, though sometimes they are. I know I'm more stimulated than usually because of so much new stuff to process so this isn't unexpected really, but I'm just very tired already! 

Nothing worse than the first weeks at a new job!

I'd be tempted to just get on with my job and let people come to you - trying to be liked may mean you try to hook up with the wrong people.     Sit back and measure the environment-  see if you can spot the politics - and who the queen-bee is.

I wouldn't announce my autism yet until you can gauge how the information will be received - and used.

Counselling may be particularly useful right now - you'll be lonely so a person you can talk too may help you sort your mind.

Good luck.

Do they know you're autistic? if they don't it might be good think about telling them and explaining how you feel they have an obligation to help you feel as comfortable as you can.

If they do already know have you told them how you feel? again they have an obligation to help you feel as comfortable you can.

Maybe when you have free time make a list of all the things that you could change in your section of they office or your desk that would make you feel better, when I was working in an office I got my desk to moved the corner of the room so there was nothing behind me except the wall and I could see what was going on and it also just made me feel safer and less anxious because it was a bit cozy I could concentrate a lot better. I also just had things on my desk from home that helped for some reason I don't know why I have souvenirs from holidays and I put some of them on my desk it just made my desk feel homely.