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Relationship issue

Ellie 567

Hello 

I am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. I am diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and I have been with my partner now for around 4 years. An issue that I note that occurs is that I suddenly lose interest in my partner and has me thinking I no longer want to be with them anymore. This can happen seemingly out of the blue but I think a lot of it is to do with being bored. I don’t talk to my partner about it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I just wondered if this was to do with my autism. 

i also note I have this with my obsessions in that I would be interested in one thing, and then suddenly I get bored and am no longer interested. So I think this might be related to my relationship somehow. Has anyone else had this experience with their relationships? Any advice would be really appreciated 

many thanks 

  • in reply to aidie

    That's what I do. I like the getting to know people stage but often friendships are based on my interests at the time so I rarely keep friends long term. I do have some though but it probably helps that the friends I keep the longest are the ones I rarely see in person... 

  • bored with you already  I'm away Slight smile thats how i burn through friends  i get bored with them

  • It sounds more like avoidant attachment style than autism. I would highly recommend the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, it talks about different attachment styles and how to manage relationships with them.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you for your reply, I think your point on communication will definitely help- thank you for taking the time to read my post and for your reply :) 

  • in reply to M

    Thank you for your reply, I do relate to what you are saying about looking for excitement, thank you for taking the time to read my post and for replying Slight smile

  • I am the same way with interests. Take a strong interest in one thing then the next week or month it's a different thing. I used to feel sad that I didn't have a special interest like a lot of people are then realised it works for me because I'm always learning new things.

    With the relationship I've faced a similar issues. I think because I had new interests regularly they couldn't keep up and I noticed that when talking about my interests they didn't care so much (or at least I felt that way) there was no back and forth of any kind. I felt like I was boring which made me feel like the relationship was at a stand still. You should communicate with your partner and express how you feel. If you both feel the same or different it will be such an eye opener and you can work on it.

    You don't want to end up throwing away great relationships so communication is key. Worrying about hurting his feelings you might be surprised that he isn't hurt or he might be but he will appreciate the honesty after. He would want you happy too.

    The way I get with people and things are different. I like to build strong relationships with individuals but things or topics I don't see the same.

  • Yes I do this. With my first proper boyfriend I was a compulsive cheat and I pretty much used him for lots of conveniences whilst keeping myself sexually stimulated elsewhere. I did love him and I still think about him now even though we are both much more grown up now and married to other people, so it wasn't like he completely didn't matter.

    As I say, I'm married now and a bit older, I've stopped having sex with everyone I vaguely like being around, and I'm a mum. I think becoming a mum has probably put an end to my behaviour more than anything else as I've physically changed and I'm not as sexually confident, plus I have less time to myself to even have opportunity for my attention to stray to others.

    I think this all sounds pretty awful and I've often felt like a terrible person. I have little doubt that had I not become a parent then I may be in a very different place right now in my life. I suppose one of the issues I have is that 1. sex isn't always intimate for me so I don't associate it with love and 2. I love the excitement of meeting someone new. I love the idea of that process more than caring about the people themselves, so in the case of my ex, I didnt necessarily like people more than I liked him, I just enjoyed the thrill of a new person. 

    I'm happily married now and I don't cheat though. It does take a lot of effort to stay interested in someone that you know so well. I suppose I've learnt as I've got a bit older that life cannot always be exciting!