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Don't think I miss social cues? Adult female diagnosis

NAS72736

Hello everyone,

I am on the waiting list for assessment as a 35 year old woman. I have many autistic traits and do believe I am autistic; however, I feel that I am quite good at picking up on social cues. I don't think I have much trouble reading another person's body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, understanding sarcasm. In fact, I think I may be oversensitive to these things. The only thing that I think I found difficult when I was younger was telling if somebody liked me. It wouldn't be obvious to me until somebody actually told me. Of course it may be that I just don't know how bad I am at reading social cues because maybe it's the subtler things that I miss that don't cause much of a problem? I am not much of a socialiser anyway as I find it pretty exhausting.

When it comes to my communication I think things are worse for me. I speak too softly, am terrible with making small talk, my body language and facial expression tells everyone exactly how I am feeling. In group situations I often shut down completely, and when I try to lie it can be quite obvious. 

Could it be that I have just learned to read social cues with experience? Has anyone here been diagnosed who feels that they are actually quite good at reading social cues?

Thanks Slight smile

  • I'm 35, f and was diagnosed recently. When I first started reading about AS I thought I was quite good with social cues body language etc. But as life went on, and I read more, and became more aware of myself,  I realised I probably wasn't as good as others but good enough to get by. i do think about interactions or events a lot and a long time after they've happened. Sometimes I can work things out in action, other times it takes longer. Sometimes I notice thjngs but it doesn't register or I don't know how to respond.I think it depends on the situation,  who I'm with and how anxious I am.   The ADOS part of my assessment gave me good insight.

  • in reply to BassFace

    Thanks BassFace, yes that does sound familiar to me as well. I also struggle to know what to say to people that are upset for sure. Hope the wait for your assessment isn't too long. 

  • in reply to Giraffe

    Hi Giraffe, thanks for your reply and sorry for the late reply. Thanks, that's really helpful to know. Can I ask in what way did you find the process emotionally taxing? I am on a long waiting list now and it will likely take more than a year to get seen but am already quite nervous about the whole thing. Thank you x

  • Hi there

    I have just had a diagnosis at the age of 52. I find that I've been masking for so many years that it's as natural as breathing and sometimes I don't realise until I get home and have to have a lie down in a dark room.

    Please trust your instincts. 

    One thing to remember is that Autism is different in every  person who will have different strengths and weaknesses.

    Good luckBlush

  • Hi there,

    This post could have been written by me! I was diagnosed at 31 (end of 2019) and can so relate to everything you've said. I feel like, particularly as women, sometimes we learn the rules so well that it feels like we always knew them, if that makes sense. But I think that the other symptoms you've got certainly suggest it's worth pursuing a diagnosis (please do prepare yourself, though, that the diagnostic process is quite emotionally taxing and self-care is key).

    Not everybody is going to have all the symptoms to a high intensity. You'll find a lot of people on the spectrum who will very much be able to relate to what you've said, particularly women (although of course that's a generalisation and many autistic men mask too). You get good at learning through experience when masking.

    You're definitely not alone!

    Take care x

  • I am also an adult female on the waiting list for assessment. I think I am quite good at picking up social cues. However I sometimes have trouble responding in the correct way. E.g. if someone is crying I can see that they are upset but I somehow can't do the right body language and tone of voice to seem sympathetic. Also, it's definitely possible that I miss subtle cues without ever realising.