• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 1105 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New diagnosis 18 year old daughter

NAS72859

Hi,

My daughter has struggled since late primary school and during her secondary school years went downhill with anxiety and depression and self harming. Through cAMHs finally just prior to her 18th birthday she was diagnosed with ASD. She is on Fluoxetine for anxiety and depression and this seems to have improved her mood. 

She is high functioning and loves her gaming PC. Since her diagnosis she has changed a lot. I’m wondering if this is a release because she now knows why she has been struggling for years and years. For me, I feel like she is a different girl. This is a good thing but since diagnosis it’s like I don’t know her anymore. Has anyone else experienced this? 


I’d just welcome advice on how to deal with a diagnosis. As a mum I feel lost and worry about her every day. I don’t sleep anymore as she used to run from the house although this has settled down recently. Also, she’s hoping to go to Uni and I worry how she will cope. 
Thanks for any support, advice in advance. 

  • Thanks for your comments O. I couldn’t be happier that she is now able to be herself. Her happiness is so important here. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It’s so lovely to have the support. It’s just so sad that it takes years of struggle and heartache to reach diagnosis.

    O said:
    I couldn't agree with you more I'm 22 I was diagnosed a month ago and I can definitely say that the person who was before diagnosis is not the same now but I think it's a good thing
  • in reply to Daniel
    Daniel said:
    it wasn't a tragedy, it was the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. Finding out that I am Autistic brought me an OVERWHELMING sense of RELIEF, my whole LIFE up to that point FINALLY made sense. My paradigm about myself shifted, I were not a failed neurotypical person, I were a perfectly good autistic person." end quote.

    I couldn't agree with you more I'm 22 I was diagnosed a month ago and I can definitely say that the person who was before diagnosis is not the same now but I think it's a good thing I'm finally learning to be who I am and not sure who I think I should be to make everyone around more comfortable with how I present myself to them and that is called masking if you didn't know already and it's caused me a lot of anxiety and depression throughout my life because it's so draining and time consuming and you don't spend time for your self only for the people around you.

    For me its hard I can't see what other people see of me but I've been finding myself just be more self aware of my autistic tendencies because I've been teaching my self about it and every now then and then I'm like "oh ok that's an autistic thing" and I'm starting to be more open with MYSELF and maybe that's what your daughter is going through she's starting to realise who she and starting to be more comfortable be HER. That could be what you're seeing when you say Arrow down

    NAS72859 said:
    I feel like she is a different girl.

    Don't sweat it just be there with her and be happy she is coming into her own person now. :)

  • in reply to NAS72859

    Uni can be very supportive - they often have support teams that are clued up on autism - but some Unis are a bit rubbish - you need to talk to them and figure out how useful they would be.

    There's other things to consider - local uni or distant one?

    Local means support is minutes away and if the course hours are low, then commuting is much cheaper than staying in halls - and travel may be covered by DSA or local authority if a case can be made.

    Distant uni - how independent is she?      If she needs support, you're miles away - if she gets easily stressed, you could be doing a lot of travelling!

    What course is she looking at?      How much work is it?      Some are very hard - my daughter's friend is doing art - you would not believe the amount of work she has to produce!

    Some courses are easier - but disjointed - 2 hrs on a Monday, 3 on a Wednesday and maybe 1 hour on a Thursday - that means LOTS of hanging around doing nothing - getting bored and stressed - especially if she has no friends.

    Some also have a rubbish social scene - my daughter's uni basically closed on the weekends - nothing to do.

  • Dear Daniel,

    Thank you so much for replying in such a kind and understanding way. Everything you have said has helped a great deal and will allow me a better understanding of my daughter. 

    She has recently had the PC and it has made a huge improvement to her well-being. I get that it takes her to a safe place where she can switch off. The changes in her have been remarkable since her diagnosis and I absolutely believe as you have said that it helps make sense of the past and helps her understand her past struggles.

    I really hope she will be able to fulfil her dream to go to Uni and manage living alone. We will of course make sure that the Uni are fully aware and uni’s do seem very well equipped to support students these days.

    I am so grateful that you took the time to reply as post-diagnosis it is easy to feel lost with where to go for support. 

    Regards and best wishes to you. 

  • I'm Autistic myself and have listened to lots of others during my 20+ years research on Autism. I can say according to those I've listened to this is a regular reaction to a late diagnosis.

    One person I listened to was diagnosed when 25 and she said I quote, "when 25 I were diagnosed with Autism, and it wasn't a tragedy, it was the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. Finding out that I am Autistic brought me an OVERWHELMING sense of RELIEF, my whole LIFE up to that point FINALLY made sense. My paradigm about myself shifted, I were not a failed neurotypical person, I were a perfectly good autistic person." end quote.

    Once this young woman found out she was Autistic she returned to university and is now a doctor, PhD. in Autism and an official member of The Autism Research Team.

    Concerning anxiety, this is very common in people on The Autism Spectrum. In an autistic mind there's greater variation in the occipital lobes at the back of the brain that PhD. Thomas Armstrong says makes the mind work in a systematic way. This does explain things like the preference for routines and uncomfortable with changes, the autistic people I've listened to say when following a routine they feel much less anxiety. 

    Concerning depression, this is also very common in autistic people. The most common type of depression is most likely "Situational Depression". When an individual is not able to adapt to the present circumstances a brain circuit in what's called the prefrontal cortex is disturbed and causes the depression. Since so many autistic people are uncomfortable with changes they can struggle to adapt to new circumstances. Psychological studies show that depressed people are wiser and have a more realistic evaluation of events. A good way to help with depression is gratitude, you could ask your daughter a couple of times a day to tell you something she's grateful for, it's been found that gratitude can even be a substitute for anti-depressents!

    You don't want to be taking her away from her PC, it sounds like it's her special interest. Special or obsessive interests are part of an autistic person's well-being, it helps us calm down and take a break from the world.

    This will be a new start for you both, try not to let fear gain control of you. As you've shared, she's no longer who she was so the daughter who was struggling to cope is not that way anymore, this is an opportunity to make an even greater relationship with your daughter. Saying she wants to go to Uni. is a sign she's feeling inspiration and knows what life she wants. I know it's hard to let go of things and people we've held on to for such a long time.

    I hope this has helped in some way.

    Kind regards